The Love Boat
by twilly
Summary: Love, exciting and new. Come Aboard. We're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you. Best friends, a childhood crush, a free cruise, and a ship full of swingers.
1. Chapter 1 Plans

**The Love Boat**

Summary: Love, exciting and new. Come Aboard. We're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you. Best friends, a childhood crush, a free cruise, and a ship full of swingers.

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**Chapter 1 Plans**

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The trill of my phone startled me from the kindred spirits and bosom friends of Prince Edward Island.

"Hello."

"We're here!" Alice's voice sing-songed.

I smiled at Alice's excitement as I slipped a bookmark between the well-worn pages of my book. "Do you have your luggage yet? The GPS said it would take nine minutes to get to the airport."

"GPS? Not even you need GPS to get here from the Cell Lot. Where are you?" Alice interrupted.

I stood up from the bench and headed for the large SUV parked near the curb. "I'm at a park. It's a beautiful day; I couldn't resist."

"So you just went to some park near an airport in a strange city by yourself? Is that even safe?"

"Just a sec," I told her so I could juggle everything in my hands and climb into the driver's seat. "A, I am an adult, I can watch out for myself. And B, I'm already safely locked in the car, so apparently, it is." Alice huffed with annoyance. "My mom and Phil insisted I take their Suburban, so don't be looking for my car. It's silver."

"What? A silver Suburban? Every third car here is an SUV and half of them are silver; that shouldn't be too hard to find!" she shot back sarcastically.

Alice was very detail oriented and over-plans things to a fault. It makes her an excellent administrative assistant but a horrible travel partner. Any deviation from her itinerary could throw her into a spiral panic, so I reassured her. "Then I guess I'll just have to find you. You're at Terminal B, right?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"I'll be there in nine minutes."

I heard Alice take a deep, cleansing breath before she relented. "Fine. I'm wearing bright blue slacks; you really can't miss me. Oh, and all our luggage is hot pink. And Jasper is dressed as a clown."

"A clown? Like a clown, clown?" I chuckled as I started the car.

"He might as well be."

"Okay, Alice, I'll be there soon. I'm going to hang up now so I can drive." I pressed end, pulled out of the parking space, and let Phil's GPS guide me to the Orlando International Airport.

As soon as I crept into the loading zone, I saw Alice standing at the curb in front of an open spot. Her dark sleeveless top seemed to tone down her bright blue pants, which were indeed un-missable. And she looked absolutely perfect, without a rumple or wrinkle in sight, despite the almost six hour red-eye from Seattle.

I hopped out of the driver's seat to meet her and had barely stepped onto the sidewalk before Alice threw her arms around my neck. "Bella, I missed you so much!"

I returned her hug, laughing. "It's been less than two weeks." I then moved to greet Jasper with a hug as well. Pulling out of the hug, I tried to take in his attire on the sly. He was definitely dressed for a vacation in a white camp shirt and dark Bermuda shorts with white bands circling his thighs, and even his white straw fedora didn't exactly scream 'clown.' I looked back at Alice, wondering why she was so upset by his attire. She knew exactly what I was trying to figure out, because she lowered her dark sunglasses and pointed to his feet with her eyes.

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from laughing when I saw Jasper was wearing boat shoes with dark blue mid-calf dress socks. Jasper caught on to our silent conversation, emphatically stating, "These match my shorts. And my shoes." He started to turn away, but pointed at me and added, "And I don't want to hear anything from you about my pasty legs. You're as white as me, and you've been in Florida for two weeks!"

"I've only been here for a week, it took me five days to get here," I lowly grumbled as I marched to the back of the Suburban and lifted the hatch for Jasper. That was when I noticed their luggage cart. There was your typical three piece set, all in hot pink, just like Alice said, but there was an extra one of the largest size.

Japer began to load the suitcases into the back of the truck, and I smugly tilted my head toward Alice. "I think this is why my mom insisted I take the Suburban. She was having flashbacks to the year we came out for Spring Break. The cruise is only seven days. How much did you pack?"

"Well, one of those is just full of other bags!"

"What?" I looked at her like she was crazy.

Alice put her hand on her hip and tilted her head. "I read online there was duty free shopping on the islands, and they suggested you bring empty bags so you can tote your stuff home. Which reminds me…can you bring one set of luggage back home with you? Paying fifty dollars a bag to fly it home will really cut into my bargains."

I looked at her in astonishment. "You brought an extra set of luggage to support your shopping?"

She looked at me like I'd asked the most ridiculous thing ever and chose to ignore my question. "Plus there's shopping on the ship. So, can you, please?"

"Yeah, I think it'll fit. I can put it in the back seat if I have to," I told her. "But you remember I'm going back to Jacksonville for a while before I head home, right?"

Alice's smile assured me she had it all planned out. "Yep, that's fine. I'm going to give you the bags with the old stuff so I can take all my new goodies home with me."

Jasper popped his head around to the side of the truck. "Um, Bella, I'm not sure you're one to talk," he said, making Alice walk around to the back.

As soon as Alice saw my huge rolling trunk, I knew I couldn't give her any more crap about her bags.

Jasper reached up to close the hatch, and we piled back into the truck. As I pulled out of the loading zone, I asked, "Are you guys hungry? Should we eat before we hit the road?"

"Um, I heard of this great place in Port Canaveral. Can we eat there? It's only like forty-five minutes away," Alice asked while looking out the window.

"Alice…" Jasper admonished from the back seat, causing her to turn and shoot him a sharp look.

Something was definitely going on with the two of them. I shook my head, asking suspiciously, "Why do I have the feeling you already Googled the directions?"

Alice reached into her giant purse and pulled out a folded sheet of paper, opened it and started, "Head east on Airport Boulevard." Then she looked up and around. "Which way is east?"

Alice was so "Alice" it made me laugh. "Why don't I follow the GPS until we get on the highway, then you can program in the restaurant's address?"

"Oh, good plan," she agreed as she settled deeper into her seat.

A little while later, Alice picked up my abandoned book from the center console. "I can't believe you're reading this again," she said, flipping through the pages. "Aren't you a little old for this?"

I grabbed the book from her hand like I needed to protect it from her disparaging words. "No, Anne of Green Gables is a classic. I read it every summer."

Alice shrugged, "Yeah, but I bet this is the same exact book, isn't it. How old is this thing?"

"Yes, it is the same book. And you be nice to her; she's been my bosom friend since the summer before high school. Summer wouldn't be summer without a little mental escape to Prince Edward Island."

Jasper snickered in the back seat, prompting another glare from Alice. My suspicion of Alice's nervousness and the secret looks between them grew. "What's going on between you two?"

Alice withdrew into her seat. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Um, I'm talking about the looks you keep shooting Jasper."

Alice ignored my question and continued, "Couldn't you at least download it on your Kindle? You read them all every year, right? I'll bet you even…oh my god; the other fourteen books are in that trunk, aren't they? Is that thing filled with books?"

"No!" I defended. "There are only seven. And I like the paper books. They remind me of every summer since high school." And then I mumbled, "I need a trunk that size for my bedding. And my fan."

Alice's jaw dropped. "Bella, you didn't."

I just nodded. The car fell into a somewhat awkward silence before Jasper finally asked, "What'd she do?"

Alice turned to Jasper. "Bella saw a news report once that said a mattress doubles in weight in ten years from dead skin and dust mites." She tilted her head toward me and rolled her eyes. "And now she's creeped out by sleeping on hotel, and now apparently, cruise ship beds."

I sort of felt ashamed for caving in on my irrational fear, but not enough to sleep on a hundred pounds of other people's skin and dust mite poop. And that's not even considering bed bugs. Just thinking about it made me itch.

Alice noticed my squirming and instantly knew that I was thinking about dead skin flakes and bugs and thankfully diverted the conversation. "I guess it could be worse. At least your dirty little secret is packed away. It's not like everyone on the ship is going to see you walking around in dark blue dress socks and boat shoes."

All three of us burst out laughing, even Jasper who quipped back that he would have taken them off over Salt Lake City if it weren't so much fun to see Alice get so worked up about them. The atmosphere in the car became much more relaxed as we continued to speed down the flat, straight Beachline Expressway.

As we approached the toll booth, Jasper reached around Alice's seat and tapped her shoulder, then nodded his head in my direction. Alice tried to discreetly shake her head 'no,' but it did not go unnoticed. "Alice," Jasper prodded.

She returned his tone and name. He finally gave up on his nudging and warned, "Alice, we only have about fifteen miles until you're busted anyway. You might as well fess up before we get there and everything blows up in your face."

I glanced back at Jasper, half expecting he was pulling my leg, but there wasn't a trace of levity on his face. "What's going on?"

Alice took a deep breath and said, "Fine, so I might have something I need to tell you about the cruise."

I had no idea what to expect. I think I may have been holding my breath, with a million scenarios running though my head. All of them bad. Some of them _very_ bad.

She continued, "Um, so you know how we got this cruise for free from my boss when her husband's project ran way over, and that meant they couldn't go? And that there were two cabins because their friends were going too, but they didn't want to go without them?"

I nodded.

"So she gave me the cruise for free because it was past the deadline for refunds, right?"

I nodded in understanding, and then it occurred to me. "Oh god, do we have to pretend to be your boss? There's no way we're going to get away with that! I mean I had to get a passport! I'm not risking going to jail for some free cruise."

Jasper's laugh snapped me out of my rambling.

"So anyway, even though it was too late to get a refund, I was still able to change the cabins into our names. When I called to have our names put on the passenger manifest, they told me it was a couples only cruise, and no singles would be permitted to board the ship." Alice bit her lip and waited for my response.

I didn't know what to think. Alice was my best friend, we had _been_ best friends since kindergarten, and I knew she wouldn't bring me down here to leave me on the dock while she and Jasper sailed off into the Caribbean. But I also knew I was not a couple.

"But I had already convinced you to come, and I wanted you to come, to have this amazing cruise with me because you're my best friend and I love you. You're like a sister to me. Better than a sister!"

The rock in the pit of my stomach grew with my suspicion. "Alice," I started to warn before she interrupted me, talking so fast, I could barely discern her words.

"So I needed someone to be your husband or boyfriend so you could come too, and I panicked. It was the last day to make changes to the cabin assignments, so I told her the first name that came to mind, and now they think you're married to my cousin."

Alice had lots of cousins. They spanned the range from maybe fifteen years older than us to still in high school and had a whole spectrum of creepiness. "Which cousin?"

"Edward."

I tried think back to all I had met so that I could put a name with a face, but I couldn't remember an Edward, and then it came to me. "Eddie? You told them I was married to Eddie?"

Alice bit her lip and nodded.

Shaking my head in surprise, I asked, "Eddie who drove us to school our freshman year?"

Jasper was snickering in the back seat while Alice sat there nodding like a damn bobble head.

"Eddie, who used to drop us off four blocks from the school so no one would see two 'froshes' getting out of his car? Are you freaking kidding me?"

She shook her head and opened her mouth to respond but I cut her off, "Eddie, who made us ride around with boxes over our heads?"

She gasped slightly and lifted her finger to argue. "That was one time. And he didn't have room, he need those boxes to pack his things for college."

"Boxes. Over our heads," I shrieked, tapping my temple for dramatic effect.

"I remember… You know what else I remember?" Alice teased. "I remember someone had a crush on him."

I sputtered, trying to think of a comeback. It was true; I did have a crush on Eddie when I was a kid. He was four years older than we were, and we always wanted to hang out with him and the older kids. He was so sweet and totally cute. He had this smile that lit up his entire face and made his beautiful green eyes sparkle. He was always helping Alice's dad move heavy stuff or fix things. I would always make up reasons to be in the same vicinity just so I could watch. But he knew he was cute too, and if he doubted it, he had a table full of the prettiest, most popular girls in school sitting with him at lunch drooling over his every move to prove it.

I used to daydream that he would see through their vapid, plastic ploys and recognize he was in love with me. That he'd scoop me up and carry me out of the school like I was Debra Winger in my own personal, real life Officer and a Gentleman scene.

Alice smirked and raised her eyebrows at Jasper. "Look at that hun; she does remember!"

Jasper folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the seat. "Don't drag me into this Mary Alice. I told you to tell her a long time ago."

Alice's jaw dropped, and her head snapped back to Jasper's on hearing him use her full name.

Even I was a little surprised he was so admonishing, but then I realized what he said. I glanced quickly at Alice's defensive body language before retuning my focus to the road. "How long have you known?"

Alice lowered her head. "Since the day I called in to have the cabins changed into our names on the passenger manifest," she quietly admitted.

"Are you serious? That was more than six weeks ago!"

"I know; I just panicked. I was put on the spot; I was trying to get it done before the deadline and Edward was the only person I could think who wasn't already married or a total letch. I could have said my cousin James you know. He just got divorced again, and he's always had a big smile for you."

I thought about her cousin James and shivered; he was about ten years older than us and had a constant succession of wives. He thought his stringy ponytail could make up for the hair he was missing from the top of his balding head. I shuddered again as I remembered how he always leered at me at Brandon family gatherings.

"Or I could have gone with Lauren. She's just dying tell you all about how you've been culturally bullied into believing you only like boys."

Lauren called herself a pansexual. She'd believed that any sexual orientation label was a sociocultural construct that was against our nature and that you should be gender blind when seeking an emotional connection and sexual gratification. She had a lot of passion around trying to get people to see her viewpoint, but I struggled with the term pansexual. I remembered from an anthropology survey course that "Pan" was the genus for chimpanzees, so to me it always sounded like she was talking sex with monkeys. Plus, I liked the sociocultural construct that told me I like boys.

"Or I could have…"

"ALICE!" I shouted to get her attention. She was about as smooth at trying to change the subject as my kindergarteners. "I get it. Fine, Eddie was better than some of the other choices, but you could have just invited Jake."

"Edward. He hasn't gone by Eddie since high school. He hates being called Eddie now. And I was not going to invite Jake on this trip. He strung you along for like three years before he finally came out of the closet…"

"Alice," I warned, not wanting to have this conversation again. "You really couldn't find the time to tell me this in the last six weeks?"

"Well, I thought about it, a lot actually. But it was so hard to convince you to come. And I didn't want you to back out. You always work so hard! You didn't even take a break between school and teaching, and I just thought you really needed a nice, relaxing,_ free_, vacation."

Alice was right. I probably would have backed out. And I did need this vacation. When I graduated from grad school, I spent the six months between the end of my program and the beginning of the school year working for the Head Start program, and I worked there until my first official contract day with the school district. Even though I loved my new school, and the kids were amazing, I was still a little worn out. And not only was this vacation free, courtesy of Alice's boss, it was all inclusive, which was perfect since there was no way I could afford to pay for a seven night Caribbean cruise while I was still paying off my student loans.

I let out a large breath of air. I could tell by the way Alice was trying to hide her smile behind biting her lip, she knew I was going to let her off the hook. "Fine. It's a vacation, it's free, were already here, I can roll with it."

Alice actually jumped in her seat and clapped her hands; Jasper just shook his head at me. He knew how hard it was to stay mad at Alice.

"So is there anything else I should know about?"

Alice empathically shook her head. "No, nothing else, except I might have forged your name on the Conduct Contract."

"What?"

"I don't know, it was some silly paper we all had to sign saying we'd behave while we're on board and in port," Alice said, waving her hand dismissively. "I forged Edward's name too."

"How rough of a cruise is this that we have to sign a contract to behave?"

"I don't know, but it was all really basic stuff. Like 'no' means 'no.' No nudity in the dining rooms. No sex in public spaces. Yadda, yadda, yadda."

My jaw dropped. I was really starting to wonder about this cruise.

"It's all standard, I'm sure. It's just a liability thing," Alice nervously added.

I still wasn't so sure, but there was no point in arguing. "Then I guess it's good you forged my name," I added sarcastically.

The car fell into a slightly awkward silence then, which gave me time to think. Or more accurately, time to flip out and panic. All kinds of scenarios ran through my head. Edward must be single; Alice said he was the only single guy she knew. I wondered if he was still as big a player as he was in high school. I hadn't seen him since he came to our high school graduation. _Why wasn't he at her wedding? Maybe he was, and I just didn't notice. _I wondered what he looked like now and if he'd even recognize me. _Would I recognize him? _Maybe he was bald. _Would we have to pretend to be a couple the entire cruise?_ Although, I guess if everyone was already coupled up there wouldn't really be any potential dates anyway. And then suddenly, the sleeping arrangements occurred to me.

"So, we're sleeping boys and girls, right?"

"Bella," Alice whined. "You can't really think I'm going to spend eight days and seven nights on a romantic Caribbean cruise in a room across the hall from my husband."

"But I should have 'to spend eight days and seven nights on a romantic Caribbean cruise' in a room with your cousin?" I asked shrilly.

A huge smile crossed Alice's face as she brought her finger to her chin. "Hmm, hadn't thought of that. But, yes," she simpered.

"Oh my God. You totally set this up!"

"I did not! But after it happened, I did appreciate how perfect you are for each other. It's kismet."

"Kismet! It's not _kismet_, it's you living out your matchmaking fantasy. You are always trying to set me up with someone. I should have known."

Jasper laughed from the back seat. "Told you." He smirked at Alice.

Alice huffed. "I did not do this on purpose; it was the only way I could get you on that damn boat. And it _is_ perfect. And the trip is going to be perfect." She almost glared at me when she reiterated, "Perfect."

I was just about to open my mouth to say something back when she added, "And you're sharing a room with Edward. Period. I'm not spending the most romantic trip of my life sleeping with you."

All three of us giggled at the double entendre. But I still was concerned about the sleeping arrangements.

"So you expect me just to hop into bed with your cousin?"

"Don't be silly. I know you're not that kind of girl."

I was conflicted between being relieved that my reputation with Alice was intact and offended that she was calling me a frigid prude.

"The bed in your room can pull apart into two singles," Alice added.

I was relieved. I guess I could manage to sleep in the same room with him. It would be like summer camp. Like the _real_ summer camp, where everyone stayed in their own beds; not those cheesy summer camp movies where the boys are canoeing across the lake at midnight into the open arms and legs of the girls' camp next door.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, and you can even push them back together if you decide to hop into bed with my hot cousin whom you've had a crush on since you were eleven years old."

Jasper burst into laughter before he settled down and started humming a familiar tune I couldn't quite place.

We followed the GPS's directions to Rusty's Seafood Bar and Grill, which is where Alice had prearranged to meet up with Edward, who had driven to Port Canaveral from Miami where he had been visiting his grandmother. I pulled into the parking lot just as Jasper started singing the words to the song he had been humming.

"Love, exciting and new...Come Aboard. We're expecting you…"

"Jasper!" Alice and I both admonished.

I completely stopped in my tracks, and turned to see Jasper, still heading for the door of the restaurant. "That's it, that's why you giggled," I said, narrowing my eyes and pointing at Jasper. "That's why you giggled when I said I like to spend time on Prince Edward Island!

"You're just as bad as her," I said, pointing at Alice.

Jasper laughed boisterously and reached to take Alice's hand, twirling her like they were on a dance floor. "I know, ain't it grand?"

Alice giggled as the pair walked past me and into the restaurant. I just stood in the parking lot with my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. The two of them were going to be unbearable.

I caught up with them just inside the entryway where Alice was already in Eddie's arms.

He closed his arms around her and swung her side to side a bit. "Ali," he mimicked. "I see you're not really very excited to see me," he said sarcastically. She slapped his shoulder as he put her feet back to the floor.

And there he was, his auburn hair as full and messy as ever. As cute as he was as an eighteen-year-old boy, he was stunning as a fully grown man. He was tall and broad and still flashed his amazing smile as he greeted Jasper with a handshake and a one armed man-hug.

"Edward, it's nice to see you again, man," Jasper said before back-handedly complimenting, "Nice shirt," referring to Edward's shiny, bright blue, black, and gold silk shirt complete with leopard print.

My heart fell. Any hopes of finally getting my Debra Winger moment were dashed. It was like Jake all over again.

Without missing a beat, Edward said, "Thanks man, nice socks."

Alice jumped in with her cousin, telling Jasper, "See? I told you." She looped her hand though Edward's arm. "And this shirt is gorgeous; it's vintage Versace, right?"

Edward shrugged his shoulder like he didn't know. "Um, I'm not sure. It was my granddad's; my grandma insisted it was the only thing suitable for boarding a cruise." He laughed.

"Well, it's beautiful," Alice insisted. "Isn't it Bella?"

"Yes, it's pretty," I absently agreed, still lamenting the loss of what I never had.

Edward took a single step, gently resting one hand on my forearm and brushed my shoulder as he slid the other down my bare upper arm and leaned down to kiss my cheek, whispering a greeting.

When he touched me, the world disappeared and time stopped. I had no idea what he said as he kissed my cheek, but I know it was sexy as hell. I felt the same connection and longing as I did in my teenage crush, but with so much more intensity. I wanted to kick myself. Why did I always seem to fall for gay guys?

Alice's sharp, "Bella!" snapped me out of my haze, and I followed her and the server to our table by the window.

Edward pulled out the chair closest to the window and motioned for me take the seat. The view immediately caught my attention; across the channel, three massive cruise ships were lined up along the perimeter of the cruise port. The broad white sides, bright yellow lifeboats and splashes of red and blue sparkled in the mid-day sun. I stared at them, mesmerized, until the waitress drew my attention away asking for my drink order. I quickly glanced at the menu so I would be prepared when our server came back, before turning back to the window.

Edward nudged my hand to get my attention, and I asked for a bowl of clam chowder without turning away from the window. His deep, throaty chuckle surprised me, and I turned to see him smiling at me. "The server isn't back yet. I was just trying to get your attention."

I gave him an apologetic smile, and his own smile broadened even more. He leaned over the table a bit and pointed to the largest of the three ships. "That's our cruise ship, the Pearl of the Caribbean."

I turned back to the window. "The bartender was telling me until a couple of years ago, she was the largest cruise ship in the world," Edward added.

"They make them bigger than _that_?"

"Uh-huh, a lot bigger. The largest cruise ship in service is five times the size of the Titanic. The Pearl of the Caribbean is only three times the size of her."

"Only three times?" I repeated, turning to find him still leaning over the table, surprisingly close.

He nodded and then I asked, "Do you think it's wise to bring up the Titanic hours before we set sail? Shouldn't you be knocking on wood or something?"

I heard another deep chuckle. "I'm absolutely positive there are no icebergs in the Caribbean," he assured me.

I scoffed at him. "The Costa Concordia didn't need an iceberg."

His eyes twinkled as he shot back, "Yeah, but I didn't bring that one up, you did. Maybe you should be the one to knock that wood?" And he actually winked at me.

I've never really been one to tempt fate, so I quickly rapped on the table, but not before Jasper had a chance to say, "That's what she said."

Alice groaned and slapped his shoulder. "Don't even get her started," she warned Edward, and then turned to me, narrowing her eyes. "The ship is not going to sink. You are getting your ass on that boat." She pointed at the window. "And you're going to have fun. Fun, damn it. Do you understand?"

I exaggerated my gulp and mock saluted her. She really did have a point. I tended to over think pretty much everything, and if I let myself start to think about the Titanic and the Costa Concordia, I'd never make it on that boat. I promised myself, and Alice, that I would try and be more open to new experiences and less hampered by the irrational thoughts that occasionally popped into my head.

I'm not sure Edward realized Alice was addressing a real issue, because he leaned back over me and said, "That ship is perfectly safe, but if it does go down, you better scoot your ass over on the headboard, because I'm not trusting you to hold on to me."

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**Thank you so much my Super Betamax maxandmo and to obsmama, carenl, Mtneer05, mommy2kh for pre-reading. Every one of them have their mark on this story and has saved you from reading some atrocity. And mostly for putting up with me. **

**Thank YOU for checking out my new story. **

**What did you think of this first chapter? I'd love a review. Pretty please? **


	2. Chapter 2 Vanilla

**The Love Boat**

You came back for more! Squee. Thank you!

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**Chapter 2 Vanilla (BPOV)**

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Edward had already returned the rental car he drove from Miami before taking a cab to the restaurant. He had (no doubt with that charming smile of his) convinced the hostess to stow his suitcase and garment bag in the back.

We loaded his luggage in the back of the Suburban, made the short drive to the cruise terminal parking garage, and paid their ridiculous fee for eight days of parking. Apparently, parking is not part of 'all inclusive.'

While Alice and I went through the various confirmations and paperwork we would need as we went through check in, which she had carefully labeled with colorful flags and placed in the order of use, the boys unloaded our luggage from the back.

I heard Edward say, "Holy shit, are some of us stowing away in that thing. How much stuff did Alice pack?"

Jasper chuckled, patting Edward on the shoulder. "Naw, that's your wife's bag. My wife put all our stuff in these pretty pink bags, aren't you jealous?" he simpered sarcastically.

"Okay, enough about my bag. Let's go," I said as I lifted the trunk by its end strap.

Edward jogged over, reaching for the handle, but I jerked it away. "I can do it. It's my trunk," I said a little defensively.

Edward's eyes smiled at me in amusement, as if I were a toddler trying to prove I was a big kid; and it irritated the hell out of me. "Seriously, it's my luggage; you go and get your suitcase and fancy garment bag," I said with a dismissive wave. "What do you have in there anyway?"

"Seriously," he said, mimicking my earlier objection. "That thing is bigger than you are, let me take it. And my tux is in there."

His tux? I stopped mid-stride and turned to him. "Why would you need a tux?"

"Well, since we're going on a cruise, and cruises have formal nights, I thought it would be better to bring mine than have to wear a rented one."

"Alice, did you know this?" I demanded.

"Bella, everybody knows that. That's like asking 'did you know this cruise was going to be on the water?'"

"Everyone doesn't know that! Jasper, did you know that?" I asked to his nodding head. I looked around to find someone, anyone, who I could ask, because not everyone knows that. I didn't know that.

The three of them looked at me like I was some crazy person having a meltdown in the middle of a public parking structure, which, I guess I was.

I looked a little panicked at Alice. "I don't have a formal dress!"

"Don't worry, I brought one for you."

"Alice, the only formal dresses I own are the bridesmaid dress from your wedding and my prom dress…oh god, please tell me you didn't bring my prom dress."

"Bella, that dress is almost ten years old," she said as if the thought was ridiculous. "And I didn't bring your bridesmaid's dress either. I bought you a new one."

"You what? How much was it, what if I don't like it?"

"Don't worry about that. You're going to love it, I know these things," she said, tapping her temple. "And it was on sale."

"How much was it?"

Alice folded her hands together and raised one shoulder in a pose I'm sure she thought made her adorable and said, "Consider it your 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was a couples' cruise gift." And then she spun around to grab Jasper's arm, nearly skipping though the garage.

I just stood there with my mouth agape, regretting that I hadn't let Edward take the trunk because it really was heavier than I realized on the short drag to the car at my mom's house.

Edward came up beside me and brushed my wrist with the back of his fingers, pleadingly looking into my eyes. "Please let me take the trunk. All these people think were together. How would it look if I let my wife carry this giant thing while I pranced around with my rolly-bag and tux?" he asked.

When he put it that way, I really was doing him a favor by letting him carry my trunk. So we switched off, and I took charge of his "rolly-bag" while he took my trunk in one hand and threw his garment bag over his shoulder with the other. I followed Edward though the garage and into the terminal. He looked back at me and winked. "Thanks for protecting my manliness, Wife."

By the time we made it into the terminal, Alice and Jasper were far enough ahead that they were already halfway to the luggage check counter. Edward and I ended up in line a couple over from them. They and their pink bags weren't moving any faster than we were, and every time I glanced over their progress, I noticed Alice watching us with a goofy grin on her face. It wasn't doing much to convince me this wasn't an intentional set-up. Did she not realize I didn't have the right equipment to pique Edward's interest?

As we stood in line to check our luggage, the realization that he'd actually played me bothered me more and more. "So did they actually teach you that in 'I can get anything I want charm school'?" I whispered.

His brows furrowed, and he tilted his head in confusion. "What?"

"You know, did they teach 'how to get your way by making the other person think they're doing you a favor,' right after Winking 101?"

"Winking 101?" He chuckled in disbelief.

I crossed my arms over my chest and raised and an eyebrow to silently challenge him. I saw his light, fun demeanor change. He reached for my elbow and drew me closer, leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Look, I'm sorry I carried your fucking bag; but you're not doing a very good job hiding your little temper tantrum. Now, don't freak out, but I'm going to kiss you on the cheek so all these people think were whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. Now smile," he said though gritted teeth. "And start acting like you're not disgusted by the sight of me, there'll be plenty of time for that when we get on the boat."

I smiled as he pressed his soft lips to my cheek and pulled back to deliver one more on the tip of my nose.

"Good girl," he whispered.

I should have been upset that he'd praised my obedient behavior as if I were a small child, but the feel of his breath on my cheek erased all my irritation. And the hurt in his voice when he said I acted as if I were disgusted by the sight of him broke my heart a little. I rose up on my toes and brought my lips to his ear, he wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his hand on my hip, like it was natural reaction. "I don't hate you," I whispered before placing two, slow, chaste kisses on the corner of his mouth.

His arm tightened, and his eyes never left mine as I slid against his body to stand back on the floor.

A voice behind us cleared and an older gentleman said, "Not that I didn't enjoy the show, but it's your turn." He pointed to the ticket counter.

I think we were both blushing as we scurried to grab all three pieces of our luggage when the man added with a wink, "But find Molly and I on the ship; we may look old, but I'm sure we could show you both a thing or two."

I think I did a double take trying to determine if he'd said what I thought he had. His wife slapped him on the shoulder. "You two will have to excuse him, Bob is a little over eager to get this trip going, if you know what I mean."

I awkwardly smiled, and looked at Edward to find he didn't have any more of a clue than I did.

Once we checked our bags, and had our pictures taken for our key cards, we met back up with Alice and Jasper to board the boat. The four of us decided to relax in one of the lounges until we received the texts that our luggage had reached our rooms, which according to the terminal agent, could take up to two hours.

I started to flip though my glossy, magazine like program as we waited for our drinks to arrive. The first odd thing that caught my eye was an advertisement for another couples cruise offered by Swinging on a Star Travel, scheduled for next year touting it as a 100% lifestyle take over. No kids. No clothes. No vanilla passengers. They offered nudist cruises. What was a 'vanilla passenger?'

I tried to look around at the other passengers without being obvious. Thank goodness everyone was wearing clothing.

I started reading the article more closely. Right after the obligatory welcome page was a list of "Guidelines." I was a little shocked by some of the rules. Most of them were common sense, how you would always act, but I was still confused about needing to explicitly list them. But, some of the "guidelines" allowed for behaviors that were definitely outside the norm.

"Umm, Alice, can you look at the Guidelines on page three of the program? Are those the rules you signed in the Conduct Agreement?"

She quickly flipped to the page and scanned the list before confirming they were the same before returning to her conversation with the guys.

"How closely did you read them?"

"I don't know; I was in a hurry. They were all the basic common sense stuff. I didn't think we had anything to worry about, it's not like we're criminals or anything or we don't know how to behave ourselves."

"Yeah, so did you see the part where it said nudity was allowed at all pools, hot tubs and in all hallways leading to the cabins?"

"What?" Alice exclaimed, flipping back to the page.

That got Jasper and Edward's attention, and they started reading over our shoulders.

Jasper pointed to the last line under the nudity rules. "Oh, lookie there, it says to sit on a towel when you're nekkid; how considerate."

I was getting more and more nervous, I kept looking around to the other passengers milling around, but they all looked so normal.

Edward must have noticed I was feeling uncomfortable because he tried to reassure me. "Well, it does say no nudity in port."

"But that 'unless specifically announced' scares me. And what the hell is the Boom Boom Room Pleasure Chamber?" I shot back.

"Here," I said, pushing the program at Edward as I reached for my phone. I entered "Swinging on a Star Travel cruise" and clicked search. The site quickly came up, and I started to read. That was when everything started to fall into place. It made sense now that Alice's boss' friends wouldn't want to come without them. The behavior contract, the couples only rule; how could Alice have missed this little detail?

I quickly stood up, causing the chair to scrape against the tile floor. "Oh my god," I exclaimed, much louder than I intended. Alice, Jasper and Edward's eyes all shot to mine in confusion. With my mouth agape, I looked over the balcony's edge to see the other cruisers walking though the club and the promenade below. There were a few couples in their late twenties and early thirties, and some in their sixties. A lot that looked to be in their forties and fifties, but they all looked so normal. None of them looked like the sexual deviants they were.

Edward reached for my wrist to get my attention and gently tugged it to remind me to sit down to avoid causing any more of a scene. I reclaimed my chair and glared at Alice with my brows furrowed "Do you know what kind of a cruise this is?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"It a couples' cruise, I told you that. I thought you decided to just have fun anyway!" Alice defended with a confused look on her face.

"Yeah, it is," I huffed in a whisper yell. "It's a swingers' couples cruise!"

The color drained out of Alice's face as she looked about for some sign that we were indeed on a ship of sin, as I suggested.

Edward closed the pages of the program and set it on the table. "I think she's right."

I grabbed the fancy, magazine bound program and flipped to the ad I had seen earlier. "See this," I said, pointing at the ad as I slid it toward Alice. "No kids, no clothes, no vanillas? That's us, we're the vanillas!"

"Do you know what this means?" Alice asked, wide-eyed.

Without missing a beat, Jasper answered back. "Yeah, it means your boss is a kinky girl."

Alice wrinkled her nose as if that thought hadn't occurred to her.

"See, I told you she was hitting on me at the Christmas party. And I've never liked the way her creepy husband leers at you!" he added.

"We have to get off this boat," I demanded.

"I don't think we can, we're already moving."

I looked around, and tried to feel the difference. I definitely felt motion, but I wasn't sure it was any different from the gentle bobbing I'd felt when we boarded the docked ship.

"You probably can't feel it now, but I felt it about ten minutes ago when the tugs first started to pull us away from the dock," he added.

"What are we going to do?"

Edward provided the voice of reason. "Look, I think we'll be fine. It's not like they're going to force us into anything. The first rule, 'No means no,' makes a lot more sense now, right? If anyone propositions us, we can just politely decline."

The four of us sat in stunned silence until Jasper asked, "So, the Boom Boom Room Pleasure Chamber?"

"Um group play area, I think. It seems pretty well organized; did you see the section on playroom etiquette?" Edward asked. He started reading them aloud. "Couples in, Couples out; Pick up your mess, Don't be a 'condom creep;' use your…"

I hushed him, looking around to see if anyone overheard. He burst into laughter, telling me that I was pretty much the only one on this ship who would be shocked or offended by the playroom rules.

He continued, egged on by Jasper's snickers. "No street clothes. Come in your robe, boxers, lingerie or just a towel," he added emphasis, to Jasper's delight. "Here come my favorite two," Edward added before Jasper interrupted.

"Come?" he said in a fit of giggles.

Edward's smile broadened, "Good one," he encouraged. "Bring a tote for your condoms, and this one is the very best, put a glow stick in your lube bottle so you can find it in the dark!"

"Dude, that's genius!"

The two of them kept cackling like twelve-year-old boys who just peeked at their first dirty magazine while Alice studied the program. I sat uncomfortably and dreaded the next seven days. I wouldn't be able to read by the pool, because they were all designated clothing optional. How could I read about Mathew and Marilla with fifty and sixty year old peens flapping in the wind all over the place?

Alice looked up at me, "You know, they do have some interesting classes, like couple's massage, 'Kissing is more than Foreplay,' 'The G-spot…'"

"Come on Alice, you know that's just a myth."

"Not according to this guy, and he guarantees he can show you how to find it! And there's even kinky stuff!"

"Kinky! This whole damn boat is nothing but kinky." I was back to whisper-yelling.

"Jeez, lighten up a little bit. Can't you be just a little open-minded? Maybe that's why you never get laid," she snapped at me.

My jaw dropped. Alice didn't usually throw things like that in my face like this. "You know I don't like it when you call it that. It's vulgar!"

"Oh that's right, no getting laid or screwed or fucked for our sweet little virgin. Only 'making love' or 'having sex' if you don't want to be all emotionally mushy," she snipped back at me using air quotes.

I leaned in and angrily whispered, "I'm not a virgin, and you know it."

Alice sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Ha! You're twenty-six years old, I hardly think your high school boyfriend and closeted gay lover count."

I looked around and the sympathetic looks on Jasper and Edward's faces told me they had indeed witnessed the embarrassing conversation. I was about five seconds from bursting into tears so I stood and rushed out of the club.

As I left, I heard Jasper admonish Alice. "Shit, I didn't mean it. Bella, I'm sorry," she said, but I was too upset to go back and face them now.

I had no idea where I was going, I just needed to find a quiet place where I could pull myself together. I walked around aimlessly, and I really had no idea where I was until I looked up and saw a sign hanging from the ceiling that said Library. I opened the door and immediately felt calmer. The only other person in the room was an attendant at the desk. I walked around until I saw a small group of armchairs chairs nestled in an out of the way alcove.

I slipped off my shoes in front of the chair so I wouldn't mess up the leather chair and brought my feet up, resting my head on my arms that were curled around my knees. Then I let go and cried. I cried because I was embarrassed and frustrated, and because I was scared that Alice was right.

I'm not sure how long I was in my little ball of misery before I heard a heavily accented voice ask. "Excuse me, Miss, are you okay?"

I looked up, wiping the tears off my face. "I'm sorry. I just needed a quiet space." I looked around to see if I was disturbing anyone else.

"No, no. It is okay, Miss, you can stay. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," I replied, and she quickly walked back to her post.

I tucked my head back into my arms. I was done crying now, but I still didn't know what I was going to do or how I'd handle seeing Edward again. I knew my silly teenage crush would go unrequited, but that didn't mean Edward and I couldn't be friends, not to mention. I was still embarrassed by how Alice had belittled me.

To make it worse, I knew Alice didn't really mean it; she just lost her temper and snapped, because in reality, Alice didn't have much more experience than I did. Jasper was her first and only.

I began to feel better, but then a new worry crossed my mind. I really didn't know where I was or where the others were. I left my purse and all the paperwork on the table, and I didn't even know which deck our cabins were on. For that matter, I didn't know what deck I was on now, or how to even get back to the club.

I felt a warm hand brush over my forearm and looked up to see Edward kneeling in front of me holding a glass of water. "You look like you could use this," he said quietly, handing me the glass.

I took a small sip and looked at the glass again. "This is a library, I doubt this is even allowed in here."

He smiled, and his eyes twinkled with mischief.

"You charmed that sweet lady at the desk, didn't you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I just said I had a friend who I thought my needed to be re-hydrated. She pointed me straight to you."

I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I started drinking, and had downed half the glass, before I thought to ask Edward. "How did you know I'd be here?"

He rose from his position to sit in the armchair next to mine. "It was a lucky guess, I remember in high school you used to retreat to the library instead of face the cafeteria at lunch a lot."

I looked up at him. "Really? I didn't even know cruise ships had libraries before I saw the sign."

"These things are so big, they have just about everything. I've heard this one even has an ice skating rink."

"Seriously? You can go ice skating in June in the middle of the Caribbean Sea?"

He chuckled. "I guess so."

I finished the water, and Edward took the empty glass from me. "Are you ready to go to our cabin? They texted it was ready about a half hour ago."

"Sure," I said, jumping up. "But you better lead the way, I have no idea here I am."

Edward reached out and took my hand. Instead of feeling awkward and uneasy, I felt comforted by the gesture.

I watched, and sure enough, I saw him wink at the nice girl at the desk on our way out.

The halls were surprisingly empty as Edward guided us though the labyrinth to our cabin, and thankfully, we didn't encounter anyone taking advantage of the "nudity is permitted in all hallways leading to cabins" concession. I guessed everyone was busy unpacking, although if they were planning to run around naked the whole trip, they probably didn't have much to unpack.

"Six-twenty. This is our cabin," Edward announced as he opened the door with his key card. "I'm just going to let Alice know I found you, she's been worried. They're right here in cabin six-twenty-one," he added, pointing at the door across the hall.

I nodded and went into our tiny, little cabin. The door hadn't even closed yet before Alice raced though it and threw her arms around my neck. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

I patted her back. "I know. I'm sorry too for being so cranky. I really should be more open-minded."

"But I shouldn't have been so mean. I'm really, really sorry."

Even though more tears were welling in my eyes, I laughed, which made Alice laugh too. We pulled apart, and I could tell from her puffy eyes that she'd been crying too.

Then I heard a sniff followed by Edward asking, "Dude, are _you_ crying now?"

"No!" Jasper explclaimed defensively before sniffing again.

Edward cleared his throat. "Okay, okay, we're all better. Now let's unpack so we can go to dinner."

"Well, I am a bit peckish," Jasper said, rubbing his tummy.

"Oh my god, Jazz, you're always hungry," Alice said, pushing him though the door toward their own cabin.

"Oh yeah, Bella, after you get done, come see our room. We have a balcony!"

Everything between Alice, Jasper and I was back to normal and Edward so I began to unpack, negotiating closet and bathroom space.

Once all of my clothing was put away, I still had my bedding to deal with, but I thought I'd take care of that after dinner. Edward said he wanted to take a shower before diner, so I just freshened up a little and changed into one of the cute little summer dresses I bought for the trip before crossing the hall and knocking on Alice's door for the grand tour of her their tiny cabin.

Alice opened the door with an excited squeal. I pointed at her cabin number and said, "Summer solstice." She looked at me confused, so I explained. "Your room number is six-twenty-one. June twenty-first is the first day of summer, the summer solstice."

"Oh, cool. That means your cabin is Edward's birthday," she said, pointing at our door.

"His birthday is this week?"

"Yep, and he's turning the big three-oh. I already called the kitchen to get a birthday cake for him that night."

"Cool. So let's see this balcony."

Alice smiled and pulled me into their room, which while bigger than ours, was still tiny. Then she brought me out to the balcony where we stood in the wind of the ship cruising at top speed for a minute before we headed back in and left for the main dining room.

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**Thank you so much for reading. **

**There are no words for how much help, encouragement, hand holding and cheer leading obmama, maxandmo, carenl, Mtneer05, Fictionfreak95, and all the girls in WC's have given me. I'm needy. **

**Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you. - that's a means please review ;)**


	3. Chapter 3 Swagger

**The Love Boat**

The response I've gotten for the first two chapters has been amazing. I thank you all. I couldn't do this without obsmama and maxandmo and Mtneer05 and Carenl and FictionFreak95 and GeekChic12 and my WC gals.

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**Chapter 3 Swagger (EPOV)**

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I felt drawn to Bella from the moment she walked into the restaurant this afternoon. Even as I greeted Alice and Jasper, I couldn't take my eyes off her.

She was no longer the quiet, skinny bookworm with knobby knees and spindly arms I remembered. Gone was the annoying, awkward little girl who was ever-present in my aunt and uncle's home. In her place was this beautiful woman who, at the same time, looked sweet and innocent, but was sexy as hell.

I couldn't help but imagine her in every girl next door and naughty librarian fantasy I'd ever had. She looked the part of the "good girl" with her modest little outfit, complete with a little red sweater draped over her arm.

Standing there in her little khaki shorts made me want to want to slide my hand up her toned legs and pull her closer. Her frilly, blue tank top nicely displayed her tits without being too revealing. I wanted to trace the deep vee of its neckline, and see if she'd let me pull it away to see what lay beneath.

But I was a gentleman, so I pushed my lascivious thoughts aside and greeted her. I had planned just to give her a quick, casual hug, but as soon as I felt the soft skin of her arm, I couldn't resist lingering awhile and prolonging the feeling. I actually felt the prickle of excitement any time she was near. I sensed that she felt it too, but more than once throughout the day, her whole demeanor would change, and she'd keep me at arm's length. She was confusing the hell out of me.

Watching Bella unpack was amusing. She frantically moved from her massive trunk to the dresser and then the closet, mumbling to herself the entire time. I'm not sure she completely realized that she was talking to herself aloud because when I would interject a thought of my own, she'd look a little startled.

She turned from the closet after she hung another dress. "Umm, I brought mostly dresses, and I think I took up more than half the closet," she said nervously, gnawing on her lip.

Then she turned back to the closet and started mumbling about trying to figure out a way she could rig the hangers to cascade so they'd take less horizontal room, and that it was good that most of them were shorter dresses.

"Bella, it's fine. That'll be plenty of room for me," I chuckled.

She smiled shyly and nodded her head, saying, "Thanks," before she moved back to the dresser to rearrange it for the fifth time.

"What about the rest of that stuff?" I asked, pointing to her trunk that was still more than half-full.

"Oh that's…umm…I'll worry about that after dinner," she replied, looking a little embarrassed.

We continued to dance around each other and her huge trunk as I hung my tux and a couple of shirts in the closet. "See, plenty of room." I winked at her, and she smiled.

She always smiled when I winked; the first time was when we sat together at the restaurant and looked out the window at the ship. I could see a thousand thoughts go though her mind as she worked herself up about icebergs in the Caribbean, and when I called her out on mentioning the Costa Condoria, I couldn't help but give her a smug wink. Her responding smile was amazing; it spread across her face and made her eyes brighten. I wanted to see that smile more, so I've been winking at every opportunity.

"Well, I'm all done," I announced with a clap of my hands.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she glanced around the cabin, and then asked, "Really? That's all you brought?"

"Yeah, how much stuff does a man need to bring for a week?"

"Oh well, Jake was just a bit of a clothes horse, there's no way this is all he would have brought for a week," she said, twirling her finger in the air at the closet and dresser.

"Who's Jake?"

Bella's face dropped as she fumbled for an explanation. "He was my..umm…it's kind of hard to describe. He was my friend," she said. The way she seemed to settle on the word "friend" made me wonder about the story behind her reticence.

"And he's not your friend anymore?"

"No, he still is. We're just different kind of friends than we used to be," she admitted, sinking onto the bed. "These are supposed to come apart and make two beds. I wonder how that works?" she asked, bouncing on the foot of the bed. I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or just talking to herself again. Either way, it successfully changed the subject from this Jake character.

She jumped up from the bed and started trying to pull it part.

"I think the nightstands are in the way."

She looked up and agreed with me before she suggested that we leave this task for after dinner too.

With nothing else to put away, we stood in awkward silence for a little while. Even just standing there with one hand holding her elbow and the other nervously playing with the hem of her blouse, I was taken aback again my how pretty little Bella Swan had turned out to be.

"I was thinking of grabbing a quick shower before dinner. Do you mind?"

Bella shook her head. "No, I'm just going to dress for dinner and head over to Alice's cabin."

"Dress for dinner?" I asked, wondering about the archaic term.

"Umm, yeah, my mom told me that on these things…cruises, they still do that. They do, don't they?"

"I think so," I chuckled at her miniature panic attack. "But I'm surprised she told you that and not about 'formal nights.'"

"Yeah, I guess she didn't want to scare me off, either," Bella chortled.

"Good call, Mom," I said with a wink. Just like a conditioned response, I got my smile.

"Okay, I'll shower and 'dress for dinner' then I'll 'call for you' at Alice and Jasper's," I said with a cheeky smile.

"I'll be waiting," Bella said with a laugh.

I walked into the bathroom, turned the water on, and immediately stepped under the spray before I could give into the immature urge to "accidentally" walk out of the bathroom while Bella was changing.

Once I finished, I turned off the water and patted myself dry before I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed back into the cabin. Bella must have already gone across the hall because she wasn't in the room.

I quickly dressed in a pair of slacks and a blue button up. I looked a little too stiff, so I rolled my sleeves up a little bit and opened my collar a little more than I usually did. After about ten minutes of futzing with my clothing so I looked casual, but not too casual, I silently berated myself for spending more time in front of the mirror than I had since high school. I was being ridiculous, but I wanted to make a good impression on Bella. I wanted to figure her out before I had to embarrass myself and ask my cousin for help.

I stepped across the hall and knocked on their door. Jasper opened it in a pair of dress slacks and a button up too, but he was buttoned up tight, sleeves all the way down to his wrist and just one button undone at his neck.

"Hey man, what happened to your plan to stay in shorts the entire trip?" I asked with a chuckle.

"You know Alice. She said if I dressed like that, I couldn't come to dinner. I have to 'play nice' now, if I want her to 'play nice' later," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

I winced. Alice was like my little sister; I didn't need to hear that.

"The girls are still on the balcony looking at the water. I think there were some dolphins swimming alongside the ship or something," he said, checking over his shoulder. "I want to talk to you before they come in."

I nodded in reaction to his suddenly serious tone.

"What's your deal, man?"

"Huh?"

"With Bella, what's your deal, your plan with her?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Jasper was normally a fairly laid-back guy, but his posture told me he was dead serious.

"Are you asking me what my intentions are?"

"Maybe. I think Chief Swan might appreciate it."

"Chief Swan?" I asked, slightly irritated. "Does Chief Swan know that you and your wife cajoled me into spending a week 'playing house' with his daughter?"

"First off, there was no 'we'; this was all Alice. Secondly…"

"Nice. Throw your wife under the bus."

"Under the bus? My wife _is_ the bus!" he defended. "Secondly, Bella's a nice girl; she doesn't deserve to be played with and then cast away."

"I'm not going to do that."

"I've seen the way you look at her."

"So?" There was really no point in denying it.

"You hurt Bella, and Alice hurts too. You have no idea how close those women are," he said, taking half a step closer and lowering his voice even more. "Don't hurt my wife."

I took a step back and raised my hands in surrender. "I won't. To tell you the truth, she's confusing the hell out of me. She's running hot and cold, and I'm not sure what's up with her, but I won't push her into anything or use any woman like that."

"Bella's not had the best of luck with guys. She's dated some real jerks. Be careful with her."

Jasper looked me in the eyes again. "You know it would be even worse for Alice if _you_ were the one to hurt Bella, right? She pretty much thinks you walk on water. It would crush her if you turned out to be a douche."

I nodded in understanding; and then was thankfully saved from any more lectures by the sound of the balcony slider opening and the girls coming back in to the room.

Bella looked beautiful "dressed for dinner" in a little cream colored, sleeveless dress. "You look really pretty," I said, wanting to kick myself for being so lame.

She blushed and looked down at her feet. "So do you," she quietly said as she tucked her hair behind her ear and raised her eyes to mine. "I mean you look handsome, you look nice."

We stood there for a moment, awkwardly smiling at each other until I was unable to handle the silence. I pointed to the green butterfly on her necklace and asked, "Do you like butterflies?"

I didn't know what was happening to me. It was like I was some pimply faced middle-schooler, trying to think of how to ask the prettiest girl in the school to the end of year dance. I'm almost thirty years old. I've done this before, many times. _Where the fuck was my swagger?_

"Umm, yeah," she said, touching the pendant and then her bracelet. "They're lucky; I mean they're jade. Jade is supposed to be lucky."

I smiled, relieved that she seemed to be as nervous as I was.

"Look honey, our little Bella wants to get lucky!" Alice simpered, swaying side to side while leaning back on Jasper.

Bella looked over and gasped. She narrowed her eyes and her whole frame tensed.

Alice looked a little taken aback by Bella's reaction, but she quickly covered her surprise with a smug grin. Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head at her.

"You look nice too, Alice," I said, leaning to kiss her cheek in a delayed greeting.

"Thank you, cousin," Alice said with a twirl.

I laughed and suggested we head for the dining room.

Alice and Jasper walked ahead of us in the narrow hall, and Bella put her hand on my forearm to signal me to stop for a moment.

"I'm really sorry about that in there," she said, pointing to Alice's door. "I don't think she knows about you, and I wasn't sure if you were on the down-low or what."

"What?" _What in the hell was she talking about?_ Before she could answer, Alice called for us to catch up and we hurried to join them in the elevator lobby.

During dinner, the four of us relaxed and enjoyed the atmosphere of the dining room. Bella reaffirmed her promise to loosen up and have fun despite the unusual circumstances. Alice offered a toast to a great vacation and to learning a thing or two.

Everything was going great, despite the constant glances and leers toward both Alice and Bella. It began to bother me more and more, and I briefly considered pulling the linens off a couple of tables to cover the girls with.

Just as we stood to leave, Bella was approached by a man who introduced himself as Mike and trailed the back of his finger up and down her shoulder as he spoke lowly to her. From his goatee, polo and perma-press chinos, I sized him up as a one-time all-American-boy who now sold insurance or direct sales consumer products.

Bella pulled away from him as far as she could in the limited space between her and the table, but he leaned into her, taking up the space she had just created.

He was talking lowly enough that I could make out the buzz of his voice, but I couldn't quite tell what he was saying. He moved his hand to play with the little green butterfly earring that matched her necklace.

"Excuse me," I started to say, but before I could finish my objection. "Don't worry, you get to play too," he said as he pointed to a woman standing near the grand staircase, wearing a black dress that dipped down to her belly button and had slits up to her hips. "We just had them redone. Double D's," he added with a smirk as he nodded in her direction.

He turned back to Bella, again speaking too low for me to hear exactly what he was saying. The dude was clueless, because she was still clearly uncomfortable and not any more interested in him than I was in his wife.

He brushed her hair back over her shoulder, and Bella continued to stare, shocked. I finally stepped up to stand directly behind her, wrapped my arm around hers, and batted his had away. "Did I give you permission to touch my wife?" I asked forcefully.

The idiot stood there and shook the confusion from his head. "I apologize; I didn't know you were like that." He squared his shoulders and stood more formally, looking me directly in the eye. "May I have permission to touch your pet, Sir?"

_Was this guy for real?_ "No. You may not touch her. Do not talk to her either. As a matter of fact, don't even think of her anymore."

Bella still seemed shell-shocked. I leaned down to her ear. "Bella, breathe."

She took a deep breath, and her posture relaxed. "Let's go back to the cabin, okay?"

She nodded her head and reached for my hand. Just as we had from the library, I led her through the halls and back to our room.

When we got in the elevator, I asked rhetorically, "What happened to 'no means no'?"

"She never actually said 'no,'" Alice answered.

"Are you serious? You can't really think there was any way she was receptive to that!" I nearly growled at her.

"No, I'm just saying maybe we need to think of some way to be clearer with the thirty-five hundred other people on this ship, most of whom are expecting us to be more receptive to their offers."

Bella finally broke her silence, scoffing at Alice. "How do you politely tell a stranger you don't want his penis in your mouth?"

I released Bella's hand to offer some silent comfort by gently rubbing her back.

"I don't know," Alice sighed.

The elevator dinged when it reached deck six, and Alice reached out and wrapped her arm around Bella's, pulling her out of the elevator. Both girls leaned into each other as they made their way down the hall to our rooms with Jasper and I following behind. Even huddled together, the two of them looked tiny.

When we reached our doors, Alice and Bella separated, but Alice was still holding her wrist. "Do you want to come over and hang out for a while?"

"It's kind of been a long day, you know? And we still have to pull the beds apart and re-make them. I think I'm going to call it a night."

"Okay, goodnight Belly Bear," Alice said while pulling her into a hug.

"Goodnight, Ali Cat," Bella chuckled in return.

Alice broke from Bella's embrace and turned to give me a hug while Bella and Jasper said their goodnights. I smiled at my cousin, and she narrowed her eyes at me. Even with one arm around my neck for a hug, she pointed her finger at me. "Don't. We've been friends since we were six years old," she said, waving her hand between Bella and herself. "She can call me that; you cannot."

"You got it, Tiny Terror."

"Not that either; I always hated that one!" She laughed as she playfully slapped my shoulder.

"Okay, goodnight, Alice," I said, kissing her cheek.

"'Night, cousin."

I gave Jasper a nod, and turned to open our door.

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**Thank for reading. I'll thank you even more if you leave a review. Yes, like that! You know what I'm talking about. ;)**

**And now it's time for a rec. The Love Boat aired at nine o'clock on Saturday evenings. Do you know what came on right after it at ten o'clock?**

**Who said Fantasy Island? Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Fantasy Island fic too? There is!**

**That's right, Carlisle in a white, linen suit making everyone's fantasy come true. I'll give you an imaginary fic dollar if you can guess how tall Jake is. I've been pre-reading her chapters for a while and I'm super excited that she posting them now. Maxandmo is hilarious, and he Fantasy Island is full of sexy fun.**

**Fantasy Island:The Twilight 25 Challenge:Round Six**

**Summary: "My dear guests, I am Mr. Cullen, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island." Written for The Twilight Twenty-Five Challenge using prompts. Da plane, da plane!**

**fanfiction s/8117767/**


	4. Chapter 4 Fan

**The Love Boat**

The pre-reading, beta'ing, encouragement, and handholding done my obamama, maxandmo, Mtneer05, carenl, FictionFreak95 and geekchic12 make the Love Boat float.

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**Chapter 4 Fan (EPOV)**

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I pulled the keycard out of my pocket, and opened our door; as soon as Bella's eyes settled on her trunk, she sighed loudly.

"I think I better change before we try and pull that apart," she said, pointing at the bed.

"Good idea. I think I'll change while you're in there, too." I nodded.

She quickly gathered her things and headed for the bathroom, and I pulled my newly acquired pajamas from my designated drawer. I hadn't worn pajamas to bed since my dorm days in college, but when Alice convinced me to come on this trip and told me I'd be rooming with her best friend, I thought I should revisit the idea of sleeping in a bit more than my underwear.

"I'm ready. Are you done changing?" Bella called from the bathroom door.

"Yep, the coast is clear."

Bella stepped out wearing these tiny little shorts with little red flowers and a red bow just below her belly button, with a matching red tank top. She was clutching the clothes she had worn and a handful of jewelry. She rushed to the dresser and tried to slyly pull her bra out from between the folds of her dress, quickly shoving it into the drawer. I might have found her modesty sweet if I hadn't been distracted by her ass in those little shorts.

She was still turned away from me as she put away her jewelry and re-hung her dress, and it took a concentrated effort to make sure she didn't catch me staring at it when she turned around.

"So I guess we should start stripping," she said, worrying her lip and wringing her wrist with one hand. I snickered, and she quickly amended, "The bed! We should start stripping the bed!"

"I'm good with either way," I said with a wink.

Just like magic, her smile returned, and she laughed. "Ha ha, funny guy."

I followed her lead as she began removing the covers from the bed. I would have just whipped them off, but she folded everything as she methodically removed layer after layer.

When we finally got down to the thick pad that converted the two twins into a single king size bed, Bella took a deep breath. She stepped back and shuddered a little, pointing at it as if it would jump out and bite her. "I can't, I can't do it," she muttered, shaking her head.

"What?" I asked confused.

Bella was scratching her arms, shoulders, and neck, and then reached up to scratch under the messy pile of hair on the top of her head. She then brushed off her legs and started the circuit over again.

"That's probably where it all is."

"All what?"

"Dust mite poop. And dead skin. It's probably all over that thing. I doubt it's even safe to breathe. In ten years a mattress doubles in weight from it."

"Then why in the hell did we expose it?"

She calmed down slightly and tilted her head in confusion. "We have to pull them apart," she said simply.

I stared at her blankly. I was beginning to think she was fucking fruit loops as she stood there staring at the bed, scratching herself like she had fleas.

"Fine. I'll roll it up, and you won't have to touch it," I said, a little irritated.

"Really?" She smiled like I'd just given her the moon.

"Sure." I reached to start rolling the pad.

"Wait!"

"Holy shit, what now?" I growled in frustration.

Nervously biting her lip, Bella asked, "Umm, can I go stand over there first?" She pointed at the door.

I waved her toward the door, and she leapt across the room, bounding off the top of her trunk and pressing her back to the door.

The girl was definitely batshit. I rolled my eyes and again started rolling the pad.

I heard a click and then Bella yelling through the bathroom door. "I have some garbage bags in my trunk. Can you wrap it up in them?"

I stomped over to her trunk and opened the lid. Inside were bags of bedding, pillows, ten or twelve books, and a portable fan. I finally found a clear vinyl pouch that held several of those giant black garbage bags.

I grabbed two of the black bags and brought them back to the bed where I finally got the pad rolled and enclosed it like a giant, black burrito. I called the "all clear" for Bella, and she hesitantly made her way back out.

We rearranged the furniture, fitting the coffee table, her giant trunk, the rolled up bed pad and the two nightstands that would have prevented us from pulling the two beds apart in the little space in front of the loveseat. There wasn't a lot of room in the cabin to begin with, but when we were finished, we had to dodge something every time we tried to move.

We pulled as hard as we could; at one point, I actually ended up pulling both beds and Bella toward me, but they were not separating. I grabbed my phone to use as a flashlight and looked for any kind of lock that would keep them together, or some kind of release, but I found nothing. I felt under the frame where the beds met and felt the distinct, lumpy, raised surface of a weld.

"I think they've been welded together. The frame must have broken at some point."

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"They can't be stuck together. They come apart. Alice said they come apart!"

"Well, Alice really hasn't had the most reliable information about this trip, has she?" I snapped back.

Bella startled a little, and I immediately knew I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on her.

"I'm sorry, but the bed is not coming apart. You take the bed. Here you can even pull these curtains." I released the tieback of one of the curtains that separated the bed area from the sitting area. "I'll take the loveseat."

Bella's eyes narrowed as she looked from me to the loveseat and back. "You can't sleep there. You're over six feet tall. How are you going to fit on that thing? It's at max four feet long."

"I think it pulls out."

"Even if it does, there's not enough room," she said, flailing her arm. "Because of this damn trunk. Why did I bring this stupid freaking thing?" Bella kicked the trunk for emphasis and then cursed out loud.

She slammed the lid of the trunk down and sat on it, bringing her foot up to rub her toe. Just when I thought she was going to start crying, she burst into laughter. "Ow, that really hurt," she whined through her giggles. "That wasn't such a good idea."

I couldn't help but join her chuckles. "There's that temper I remember."

"Um, yeah. Not my finest moment."

"Do you think it's okay? Can I take a look?" I asked, kneeling in front of her.

She nodded her head and removed the hand covering her toe. "I'm sure it's fine. See, I can wiggle it and everything."

I took her angry pink toe in my hand and gently moved it around, watching her face for winces.

"You're not an orthopedist, are you? I'm pretty sure Alice would have mentioned if you were a doctor."

"No," I chuckled. "But I did play sports all through school and college, and I've broken my share of toes and fingers."

"Oh, well, I'm a left-handed blonde in a right-handed brunette's body, so I've had my share of broken toes and fingers, too," she snorted.

"In that case, I concur with your diagnosis, Blondie," I said with a wink.

Bella smiled brightly behind her light laugh. She stood and looked around the room, sighing, "We could share, you know. It's not like anything is going to happen."

_Ouch_. "Yeah, we're both adults," I agreed.

"So, I guess we need to remake the bed? Can you put that…" she said, pointing at the rolled mattress pad, "…thing back on?"

"Put it back on?" I asked dryly. _Was she serious?_ After I wrestled that thing by myself into submission, she wanted me to put it back on? "What about the dust mites and dead skin?"

"I brought a mattress protector. It's supposed to keep them from getting into your mattress, so I thought if we turned it inside out, it would keep them all inside. Plus, my guess is these have probably been pulled apart mostly for kids, so they've probably been peed on, repeatedly."

"And you were going to sleep on one of them anyway?"

"Yeah, well, not directly. I brought a feather bed to put over them. Well, it's actually king size, so it'll work out better this way."

"You brought a featherbed with you on a cruise?" I asked, astonished.

"In ten years…"

"I know, I know!" I cut her off, speaking a little harsher than I should have. "If you brought king size bedding, how were you going to make it fit on a twin?"

"I was going fold the featherbed in half and sleep on it double, and then tuck everything in really good," she said, shrugging.

"You were going to sleep on a double thickness featherbed and leave me on a pissed on mattress?" I asked flatly.

"Um, I didn't know there was a 'you' when I packed this stuff. I thought it was just me and a king size bed!"

"What? You didn't know I was coming? When did Alice tell you?"

"Alice told me about fifteen minutes before we got to the restaurant."

"Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. She thought I would back out if she told me."

"Do people routinely withhold information from you to make you do what they want?"

"I guess so," she chuffed, as if it had just occurred to her.

She started pulling things out of her trunk and paused, looking at me before her eyes moved to the bagged pad.

"I'm not putting that thing back on. It was a pain in the ass to get in those bags; I'm not messing with it anymore."

Bella tilted her head and looked at me expectantly. I wondered how often she'd gotten her way with that look, because I almost wanted to give in to her.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not doing it. If you want it back on, you do it."

"I'm not touching it!"

I shrugged. "Then we are at an impasse."

She narrowed her eyes and stared at me for a couple of beats, then she said, "I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains."

"Huh?"

"The Princess Bride?" she asked, drawing out her words.

"What?"

"Never mind," she huffed. "What the hell are we going to do with it then?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know. Maybe we can ask housekeeping to take it in the morning."

"Fine. Whatever," she agreed, sounding annoyed as she moved over to the bed.

She started to unfold a mattress protector but paused and looked up at me with fluttering eyelashes. "Are you going to help me or what?" she asked playfully.

Her silliness made me smile, and my frustration with her dissipated. I moved to the opposite side of the bed and started to pull the elastic corner of the cover over the head of the bed as Bella did the same. Bella's actions mirrored my own as we moved to the foot of the bed to repeat the process.

She pulled out a fitted sheet to cover the cover, and then the featherbed. Once it was settled across the two twins, Bella brought out a small, thin comforter.

"That's too small," I pointed out.

"I know. It's actually a full size, but it fits over the featherbed perfectly."

I furrowed my brow in confusion, looking at it neatly lined up with the edges of the feather bed.

"No matter what they say about the quality of their feathers, or the fabric cover, I can still feel the feathers poking me. This comforter will keep us from feeling the feathers. Plus, it's a little creepy sleeping on feathers."

"You don't like the feeling or idea of sleeping on feathers…" I leaned forward on the bed, pressing into the loft of the featherbed for emphasis. "Yet you sleep on a featherbed? How does that make any sense? That can't even make sense to you." I shook my head.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

I continued teasing her as we added another fitted sheet to cover the featherbed and comforter combo, top sheet, and finally a comforter. Lastly, Bella pulled out two pillows, telling me they were hers, and I'd have to use the ones that came with the room.

Then she removed a body pillow from the trunk, hugging it as she carried it to the bed. "You know, we could put this between us if that would make you more comfortable," she offered.

"Uh, sure," I agreed, wondering if that was her way of protecting herself from me without having to say 'don't touch me.'

"But don't worry, you're safe. Believe it or not, you're not the first gay man I've slept with," she said, looking at the floor like she was embarrassed.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I know you heard what Alice said at the club this afternoon. My ex-boyfriend, Jake—we dated… or… whatever, for three years before he came out."

I probably should have addressed the sadness in her voice over this 'Jake' character, but I was a little stuck on the fact that she thought that I was gay. I stared at her for a moment. "I'm not gay."

"It's okay, Edward. You don't have to pretend with me. I understand," she said sincerely.

"No, I don't think you do understand."

"And I know Alice doesn't know. I won't tell her," she promised without addressing my denial.

"Bella, I'm not gay. I'm straight. Why would you think I'm gay?"

"Come on Edward. You're thirty years old, gorgeous, and unmarried. You go by the pretentious 'Edward,' instead of 'Ed' or 'Eddie.' You haven't checked out one single woman on this boat, no matter how little they were wearing, and you've been spending time in Miami wearing garish, vintage designer silk shirts. It's kind of obvious," Bella said with her hand on her hips.

I was flabbergasted. I raised my hand to start counting off my points. "One, I've been in Miami with my grandmother who has not been doing well since my granddad's death six months ago. She gave me that ugly-ass shirt, and I didn't have the heart not to wear it for her.

"Two, I'm too old to be 'Eddie,' and my dad is 'Ed.'

"Three, I'm still single because I haven't found the right _woman_. WOMAN.

"And four, it's true I haven't been checking out these other women, but that's because I've been interested in this crazy-assed woman who brings her own fucking bedding on a cruise and has been running hot and cold toward me. But I think I get it now; it's because you think I'm gay."

With each point, I advanced toward her until she was backed against the wall, and I stood right in front of her. I leaned forward, bracing myself against the wall, and lowered my face to hers. I could feel her breath quicken as she looked into my eyes.

"I know there's something here, something between you and me. I felt it in the restaurant, and in the terminal, and at the library, at dinner, when we were making that ridiculous bed," I said as I leaned even closer. "I know you feel it too," I said as I breathed the delicate fragrance at her neck and placed a tiny kiss just below her ear.

Bella exhaled a breathy whimper, but her eyes never left mine. She wasn't going to concede on her own.

"You do, don't you?" I whispered, with another small kiss on the apple of her cheek.

Bella nodded slightly, turning even more into me.

Three sharp knocks jolted us both from our positions.

I stomped to the door, more than a little irritated, because I really wanted Bella to answer that question. Or even more, I wanted to know _how_ she would answer. I ripped it open, and there was my sweet little cousin, who had sweet-talked me into the trip but had completely hoodwinked Bella into coming.

"Alice," I barked at her. "Why didn't you tell Bella I was coming until right before you got here?"

Alice completely ignored me, barely poking her head in the cabin, quickly saying, "I just wanted to see if you were settled, and obviously you are. Okay, night-night, love you both," before she pulled the door shut on herself.

"Your cousin has a natural gift for getting the heck out of Dodge, doesn't she?" Bella chuckled.

"You could say that."

After Alice's interruption, Bella went back to making the bed as if nothing had happened.

I wanted to go back to where we were before, back to her admission that she felt something too. I wanted to press her into that wall and show her what she'd been doing to me all day.

It was ironic that she thought I was gay because of that shirt. As we said our goodbyes this morning, my grandmother took my face in her hands, sighing wistfully, "You're too good a man not to have a good woman looking after you." She brushed her thumbs over my cheeks. "Maybe you'll find a wife on that boat. Lots of people fall in love on them, you know; there used to be a whole TV show about it, every week," she told me, patting my cheek before she prattled on about how if she wasn't so in love with grandpa, she would have gladly run off with the ship's doctor.

I wasn't sure if she was teasing or if she really thought that show was real-life. I briefly pondered whether I could spin her confusion into an excuse for not going when her eyes suddenly brightened with excitement, and she demanded that I wait in place and shuffled to her room.

A short time later, she returned with that ugly shirt. She announced it was the perfect thing to catch the eye of every pretty girl on the ship before she started mumbling about how she could never understand why grandpa hadn't ever wanted to wear it. I knew why. She was so insistent that I change into it right away, and she looked so excited, I didn't have the heart to refuse.

She actually squealed when she saw me fasten the last button. "You look so dapper!" she said as she brushed her hands over my shoulders. "You're going to catch the eye of every single lady on that boat. The married ones, too," she said excitedly before her voice took on a warning tone. "But you stay away from them.

"Go find a yourself a good girl, they do all the stuff the bad ones do, they just don't advertise it," she said, patting my cheek. "If your grandpa was still here, you could ask him. I was a good girl, you know."

I pulled her in for a hug as a moment of sadness flashed in her eyes. "You still are a good girl, Grandma; the very best."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it," she chuckled.

I released her from my hug, laughing. "I do, but this isn't a floating bride mall. It's a cruise with my cousins."

"Still, I'm getting old. When are you going to bring me a new granddaughter and some great grand-babies?" she asked with a longing in her eyes.

"Fine. I'll see what I can do," I told her cheekily, making her smile.

I guess the joke was on her. There was only one single lady on this entire ship, and she thought the shirt made me look like I was gay.

Bella's muttering pulled me from my thoughts. She was on her hands and knees beside the bed trying to force the black bags of the cruise line's bedding under the frame.

"I think these will fit under here," she softly grunted with a forceful shove.

I briefly thought of how much easier her task would be if I simply crossed the three feet to the bed and lifted the frame for her. But I couldn't make myself move because having a beautiful woman on her hands and knees in front of me, as she bounced and huffed with her effort, was not something I was willing to stop.

She eventually got the bag fully under the bed. Popping up, leaning her arms on the bed she asked, "So which side do you want?"

"I don't care. Do you want that side, and I'll just take this one?"

"Umm…" She bit her lip. "Would you mind if I take that side?" she asked, pointing to where I stood.

She really was confusing the hell out of me. _Why would she even ask if she wanted this side anyway?_ Then I realized, "You don't want to sleep on that side because that's where you stuffed all the original bedding, and now you don't want to sleep over it!"

Bella hung her head and nodded, but looked up pleadingly.

"Why didn't you just put it in your trunk? There's plenty of room in there."

Her brows furrowed, and for a moment, her expression morphed like I'd asked the dumbest question in the world, before her face scrunched in revulsion.

"Fine," I said, holding my hands up in pretend surrender. "You can have this side."

Bella smiled victoriously as she sidestepped from the side of the bed to the foot where we awkwardly danced around each other to go to our new sides.

Just as I began to pull the covers down, Bella stopped me. "Maybe we should take a shower first."

_She wanted to take a shower together?_ The shower is tiny. When I took one earlier, I bumped my elbows washing my hair, but to shower with her, I could make it work.

She must have seen the thoughts that were going through my mind, because she quickly amended, "Showers," emphasizing the 'ers,' "Two showers. One each. We should each take our own showers."

My mouth fell open as I struggled with a response. She started twisting her finger in the hem of her little pajama shorts, which did not help my concentration, and she looked away from me before her nervous babbling continued. "Well, because we stripped the bed, and you know all that stuff can sort of fly around in the air when it's disturbed, and then it had to land somewhere, and that could be us. And we, well, you, wrestled with that thing twice, and there's really no sense putting on new bedding if you're just going to bring the old stuff onto the new bed."

_Holy fuck. She really is completely crazy_. The girl was all over the place, but when I thought about it, it was a quirky kind of crazy, and that kind of turned me on. It was cute, and it was almost like she needed someone to save her from her own insanity. Maybe I was the crazy one. I'd been up and down at least as much as she had, I thought, as I looked down at myself.

"You know what? I could probably use another shower," I said as I headed for the bathroom.

I took a quick, cool shower and started to redress myself when I thought of what Bella's reaction would be if I came back out in the same PJ's . I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out of the bathroom and straight to the dresser.

Bella gasped, and I smirked in victory as soon as my back was turned to her.

"Okay, I'm just going to go in for one now," she quietly said as she scurried into the bathroom with her arms full of new nightwear.

Since that was really my only set of pajamas, I dressed in a pair of sweat shorts and an undershirt and quickly made my way to the bed before Little Miss Crazy could think of another reason to keep me out of it.

While I was in the shower, Bella had fished unpacking her trunk. She had a tidy stack of books lined up on the bottom shelf of the nightstand on her side of the bed, and a little black fan was settled on top.

Bella had turned down the covers and tucked the body pillow under the blankets, almost down the middle, giving my side just a bit more room. It made me smile to realize that even though she was crazy, she was still thoughtful and considerate.

I climbed in, lying on my side with my back to the middle of the bed and closed my eyes. A short time later, I heard the click of the bathroom door opening and Bella trying to be quiet as she made her way to the bed. She got into bed, and I could feel her adjusting her covers so that they were just right.

She finally settled, and I looked over my shoulder to see she mirrored my position.

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night, Eddie-spaghetti with meatballs for eyes. Pop him in the oven and make french-fries," she quietly giggled.

I laughed at the ridiculous rhyme she used to annoy me with when we were kids. "How in the hell can you remember that?"

I felt her shrug, and then she reached for something on the nightstand. I heard a click, and then the low whir of a motor, and I suddenly felt a breeze hit my shoulder.

"What is that?"

"My fan."

"Why do you need a fan? The cabin is air conditioned; it's already quite cool in here," I said, turning to face her.

She had turned too, and she explained, "I can't sleep with stale air, and…,"

"Stale air? Are you serious?"

"Yes. I need to have air moving around me or I feel like I'm going to suffocate."

"Well it's making me cold," I said gruffly as I reached over her and turned the fan off.

She sat up and crossed her arms. "You're under the covers, how can you even feel it?"

"I can feel it on my shoulders and the back of my head."

She picked up the thin, soft blanket that had fallen to her lap when she sat up. "Here, I'll share my shoulder blanket with you."

"What… what the fuck is a _shoulder blanket_?"

Even in the dark, I sensed that Bella's head was hanging in embarrassment, and she said, "It's not really a 'thing.' I like to sleep with the comforter tucked under my arms, but they get cold, so I use a small, light blanket over my shoulders," she barely whispered.

I felt about two inches tall. I didn't mean to make her feel bad, especially when she was offering to share something with me. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay. I know that I have these weird habits. I've always had trouble sleeping; all of this," she said, waving her hands over the bed. "All of this stuff, it helps. The more comfortable I am, the easier it is to sleep. If the blankets are itchy or too heavy, or the sheets are too rough, or the fan isn't on, I just can't…I can't settle down enough to sleep. I'll toss and turn all night, and then you won't get any sleep either."

Now I felt even smaller, like a jackass. "Bella, it's not okay. I'm still sorry."

"Let me turn it back on." I leaned over her again, and this time my chest brushed against her sitting form. The fan buzzed back to life, and I could feel her breathily say, "Thank you," against my cheek.

I moved back to my designated spot facing the wall.

"And the white noise! The fan creates white noise so every creak and sound in the night doesn't wake me up," she said as she slid back into her sleeping position.

"Um… do you want some of this blanket for your shoulders?"

"No, it's okay, I'll tuck my arms under the comforter, and I'll be fine."

"Okay, good night, Edward."

I smiled, thinking of her calling me Eddie-Spaghetti earlier, and said, "Good night, Bellybutton."

She softly snickered and snuggled deeper into her blankets.

I drifted quickly to sleep.

* * *

**What would you call Edward as you drifted to sleep with just a body pillow between his body and yours?**

**Can I leave you another rec?**

**A Little Magic by GeekChic12 _s/7942538/1/A_Little_Magic_**

In an online world before Skype and eHarmony, two lonely gamers make a connection in a little game of Magic. This Edward and Bella are real, and funny, and stumbling to figure out how be together when they live two thousand miles apart. This Edward is beyond sweet in all his geeky gamer glory. And it's based on how GeekChic12 met her Edward. (Aww, a real life love story, we love those!) Go read and leaver her a little love.

Plus, GeekChic12 (or Geeky, as I like to call her) is super sweet.

Official Summary: After four long years, Bella finally gets what she's been missing, but it's not enough. She needs more. Will she find it in the most unlikely of places? They say when you're not looking, that's when love finds you.


	5. Chapter 5 Green

**The Love Boat**

Thank you to everyone who voted for The Love Boat in The Lemonade Stand's poll, we place in the top five; so The Love Boat is going to be a TLS Fic of the Week!

I got more than one review that called Bella a nut job after that last chapter. LOL Trust me, she was crazier and messier before obsmama, maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05 and GeekChic12.

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**Chapter 5 Green (BPOV)**

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A sharp click woke me. I lay still, refusing to open my eyes; as much as I wanted to drift back to sleep, I knew I wouldn't be able to. As the fogginess of sleep lifted, I remembered I was sharing a bed with Edward Cullen. Alice's cousin, Edward. The Edward Cullen I had a crush on since elementary school. The Edward Cullen who was not gay.

I tried to adjust myself, hoping I was still properly covered and ran my fingers through my hair trying to smooth down the rat's nest I typically had in the morning. I was sure my breath was horrid, and I hoped Edward wasn't sleeping close enough to smell it.

I opened my eyes; the room was still lit only with the dim vanity light, as it had been when I fell asleep. Being an interior cabin, it would be this dark at noon, but I was sure it was much earlier. I hoped Edward was still sleeping, but I dared not look toward his side of the bed just in case he wasn't.

I felt a little trapped by the situation. I didn't want Edward to see me like this, but I couldn't just lie here all day. Eventually he'd get up, and he'd see me like this anyway. There was really only one thing I could do. I was going to make a run for the bathroom. If I could just get there before Edward saw me, I could brush my teeth and hair and make sure I wasn't "hanging out" in any places I shouldn't.

Stealth was the key. I gently lifted the covers and scooted to the edge of the bed, trying not jostle Edward. The comforter settled on me, and I slowly dangled one leg over the edge until the ball of my foot was planted on the floor. I took a deep breath and tried to remember where we had left that stupid trunk and the rolled up mattress pad. I would have to dodge them if I was going to make it to the safety of the bathroom without waking him.

I took a deep breath, lifted the cover once more and slid out of the bed. Once both feet were on the floor, I darted to the bathroom on the balls of my feet, avoiding the rolled mattress pad and the trunk, quietly calling out, "Good morning, Edward" on the way, just in case he was awake.

Once in the bathroom, I closed the door as gently as possible, trying to minimize the noise. I flipped the light switch, looked in the mirror and grimaced at my reflection. My fingers made a pretty crappy comb, because my hair was still a tangled mess. _How in the world does hair get so messy just sleeping?_

I quickly ran through my morning routine. With complete pajama coverage, a minty clean mouth and freshly brushed hair, I stood behind the door for a couple of minutes, contemplating what I would do if Edward was awake when I went back into the room.

Or even worse, what if he liked to sleep in? What would I do for hours while he slept? I guess I could always hang out with Alice and Jasper until he woke if they weren't sleeping in too.

As quietly as possible, I opened the door and crept into the room. I glanced at the bed, expecting to see sleeping Edward, but it was empty. I reached over and turned on the overhead lights, but Edward wasn't there. I turned around the room, and there, propped against the mirror, was a note.

Went for a run. Be back shortly.

-E

It suddenly occurred to me that the click that woke me up was the sound of Edward leaving for his run. All my mission impossible moves to get to the bathroom and make myself presentable were for naught.

I looked at the clock to find it was just after six thirty in the morning. It was probably too early to call Alice, especially since they were still adjusting to the three-hour time difference.

According to the itinerary, we should be tendered in Coco Cay in the next half hour. I wondered if we already were. I didn't feel the same slight rocking I noticed when I laid down last night.

Before I even left Washington, I signed up for a snorkeling excursion. As I glanced through our paperwork, I noticed the reservation for my snorkel gear was at ten AM. I'd have plenty of time to come back to the room to change into my swimsuit and grab my things after breakfast.

I kept looking through the paperwork until I found my SeaKey. It looked like a typical hotel key card, except that it had a picture of me on it, which was taken when we checked in. Not only did it open our cabin door, it had all kinds of information about my place on the ship and was necessary to disembark or re-board the ship at the Ports of Call. It also served as a method to charge things to the room. I turned the card over and noticed that it listed my name as "Cullen, Bella Swan." I guess I'm married.

I glanced at the clock, and it was still before seven. I could wait until seven to call Alice; seven was an acceptable hour to call, right? I thought of reading for a while, but I was a little on edge. I really wanted to talk to Alice about Edward, so instead, I sat on the love seat, resting my chin on my knee and watched my phone count down the minutes until seven. The costs of using cell phones and wifi on the ship were insane, so my phone was pretty much just a glorified clock now anyway.

My mind drifted to the night before, when Edward stalked toward me until my back was to the wall. I closed my eyes, remembering his hot breath against my neck, and those two sweet pecks. I saw the want in his wolfish glare; he was going to kiss me, really kiss me, and I've never wanted to be kissed so badly before. How could I have been so sure he was gay and not had a clue Jacob was at all? I'm the only woman on the planet with zero gaydar.

The more I thought about it, the more I hoped Edward didn't make it back before Alice woke up. Last night was awkward. After Alice interrupted us, I pretended as if nothing happened, and he let me. Then there was the whole bedding fiasco. He must think I'm crazy.

I decided that I'd quietly knock on their door rather than call. A phone call would be jolting and might wake them up if they were still sleeping. They could sleep through gentle taps at the door, right? _What am I going to do if she's still sleeping?_

My phone finally flipped over to seven o'clock, so I slipped my SeaKey in my pocket, held my breath, and twisted the handle to rush determinedly across the hall but was suddenly stopped as I slammed into a hard, sweaty chest.

I bounced off of him and expected a fall, but he quickly slid his arm around my waist to steady me. He kept me in his grasp for a few seconds longer than necessary, and his sweaty, masculine smell was…well, it was kind of gross. He released me, and we both apologized at the same time and chuckled before we lapsed back into the awkward silence.

I finally said, "I was just going to see if Alice was awake yet." At the same time he said, "I'm just going to jump in the shower," turning the awkward silence into awkward laughter.

"You sure take a lot of showers," I said like an idiot. It was one of those moments where as soon as the words left your lips, you wished you could physically catch them and stuff them back into your mouth.

"Not usually."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just…well, I don't know. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I'm not usually like this," I said, gesturing in wide circles to represent my crazy.

He chuffed. "It's okay, Bella." He tenderly touched my arm before he pulled his own SeaKey from his pocket and opened the door to our room. "See you at breakfast?"

I nodded in agreement, and he entered our cabin, shutting the door behind him. I slumped against the doorframe of Alice's room in embarrassment, and my forehead hit the door much harder than I expected, creating a dull thud. A moment later, the door I was partially leaning on was pulled out from under me as Alice opened it, and I had to step forward to keep from falling.

"Were you listening to that?" I asked accusatorily.

"No," she whispered, stepping into the hall. "I've been waiting for you to wake up for the past hour."

I laughed when I realized she'd been as desperate to talk to me as I was her.

"Jasper's still sleeping," she said, pointing at her door over her shoulder.

"Edward's showering," I said, pointing to ours.

"Coffee shop?"

"Yeah, let me tell Edward." I pulled the card from my pocket and opened the door.

"Tell him to meet us in the Wind Jammer Cafe at eight forty-five."

"What about Jasper?"

"I set the alarm for him."

"You set an alarm for him on the first day of his vacation? That's kind of mean."

She shrugged her shoulders, and we both dissolved into giggles.

I popped into our room and relayed the message to Edward through the bathroom door. He grunted in understanding. At least I think that's what he meant.

As we walked toward the elevators, Alice hooked her arm in mine. "So, tell me about you and Edward."

We ordered our coffees and found a nook with a couple of cozy arm chairs where I relayed the previous evening's events for Alice.

"I can't believe you thought he was gay!" she laughed, excitedly.

"I know!" I said, putting my hand on my forehead in frustration. "I don't know what to do. He said he felt something between us, but I don't know. Every time I'm near him, I turn into a complete idiot."

Alice was still laughing. "It's not funny! Do you know what I said to him in the hallway? I said, 'You sure take a lot of showers.' Stop laughing!" I told her, pinching the top of her thigh.

She straightened up. "Bella, have you noticed how he is around you?" She crossed her eyes and tilted her head. "Do you like butterflies?" she said overly slowly in a deep voice that I think was supposed to be an impression of her cousin.

"Come on, he hasn't been that bad."

"Uh yeah, he has. I think it's just you, because I've seen him around other women, and he's smooth, but around you, he's a blazing moron. "

"Have you seen him with a lot of women? Because I remember in high school, he always had girls around. Do you think he's a player?"

"I don't think he's ever had a problem finding a date if that's what you're asking, but I don't think that matters now because he's into you. I can tell."

"Well, it's not as if he has a lot of options right now," I complained, waving my hand in the air generally.

"Actually, I think it's just the opposite. Most of the women on this boat would be happy to have him, and their husbands are willing to watch," she said pointedly with a raised eyebrow.

Now I was even more conflicted about Edward than I was last night. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I should give Edward the option to swing rather than forcing him to hang out with me.

"Don't do that," Alice broke the silence.

"What am I doing?" I asked defensively.

"You're over-thinking. Your mind is spiraling out of control obsessing on some weird thought that only makes sense to you."

"I'm not…" I started to argue, but I realized Alice knew me well enough to know that's exactly what I was doing. I ducked my head down. "It just doesn't make sense for him to like me, Alice."

"What doesn't make sense?" Alice asked, confused.

"It doesn't make sense that someone like him would like someone like me! Alice, look at him! He's gorgeous, smart, he has a great sense of humor, successful…," I raised my eyebrow on that last one, and Alice nodded in confirmation. "He could have any woman he wanted."

"Maybe he's tired of just anyone. Maybe he's looking for _the_ one, his one and only. And you're amazing. You never have seen yourself clearly, but you are a beautiful, intelligent, funny woman. He would be crazy not to fall for you. Plus, you have an awesome best friend!"

"That is true," I agreed with quiet giggles.

Alice reached over and threw her arms around my shoulders. "If it's meant to happen, it will. But you have to let it happen. Just let it happen."

"Don't you think it's a little, I don't know, convenient, that the only two unattached people on this ship would end up together? Two people who've known each other since they were kids but not at all as adults? Alice, I had a crush on him when I was a little girl! This is real life; it's not some cheesy romantic comedy."

"Maybe it's kismet," she said with a huge grin. Alice got a far off look on her face. "Maybe you were always meant to be together, and this crazy set of circumstances is the universe's way of fixing what went wrong."

"Or maybe the universe had help from a certain little hopeless romantic?"

"I swear, this wasn't a set up, but you have to see I was right when I said you two would be perfect for each other."

"Alice, I don't know. I don't…"

"Well you have to at least admit there's something between you two."

I nodded.

"It's a start."

"A start; I think I can agree with that."

"You know, even Jasper sees it; he gave Edward the 'talk' last night."

"The talk? Like the birds and bees?" I laughed thinking of Jasper explaining sex to Edward in a whole series of convoluted metaphors.

"Don't be silly, he gave him the 'hurt my little girl and I'll end you' talk."

"Jasper's three months younger than me!"

"Well, I think he thought in Charlie's absence, he'd fill in." Alice smiled with pride.

"Ugh," I grunted like a petulant teenager embarrassed by her parents.

Alice giggled. "I thought it was cute!"

I just shook my head.

We sipped our coffee, enjoying the quiet of the morning until it was time for us to meet the boys.

The café was surprisingly slow. I guess the other cruisers were still sleeping off their orgies. The boys weren't here yet, but Alice and I decided to go through the buffet without them. Alice was miffed, because she said she had woken Jasper up twice to tell him to be there at eight forty-five and had set the alarm to give him plenty of time.

I was a little overwhelmed by the choices the buffet offered. Stuck with the simplicity of fruit, I piled my plate with pineapple and melon chunks, strawberries, a banana and a slice of bacon. We had just gotten back to the table when I looked up to see the boys walking into the café.

As impossible as it was to think that anything could compare to seeing Edward in that blue button up last night, my mind seriously debated whether he looked even hotter in the casual board shorts and t-shirt with flip flops look. It was a tough call.

Noticing that we'd already gotten our plates, the boys barely broke their strides at the table before heading to the buffet line themselves.

They returned and as soon as Jasper sat down, Alice told him, "You're not eating that."

"Yes I am. This is my vacation, woman. Besides, Bella has bacon."

"Bella has one piece of bacon." She paused, examining his plate closer. "Not six."

"This is vay-cay-tion. And I'm going to eat what I want. You can stick to your egg white omelets," he said, pointing at her plate. "But I'm eating bacon."

Alice glared at him for a couple of seconds before she exhaled a breath in defeat. "You know what? You're right," she said as she reached over with lighting speed and stole a strip from his plate.

"Hey, now I only have five!"

We all laughed when Alice shrugged and smiled at him.

Edward piped in. "See Jasper, my wife lets me eat whatever I want," he said as he swiped a sausage link through the maple syrup on his plate and popped it into his mouth.

"Because I'm awesome that way," I said without skipping a beat.

"Yes, you are," Edward replied with a wink.

Edward's winks did something to my insides. I couldn't help but smile. "You know, I'm going to become immune to those winks," I teased him.

He chuckled and leaned toward me, looking into my eyes as he lowly said, "Doubt it."

I totally knew in that moment that I never would become immune to his winks, and I didn't even care that he knew it.

Still gazing at me, he smiled beautifully. "By the way, good morning."

"Good morning," I replied back with a blush.

"And good morning to you too, Jasper," Jasper said with an exaggerated high pitch that was supposed to be me.

"Yes, good morning Jasper. I see you're back to dressing yourself," I said, motioning to his tropical print camp shirt. "Did you call Tommy Bahama personally and ask for one of everything?"

Alice snorted and beamed at Jasper. He took the teasing with his usual good humor, and we continued our breakfast, talking about our plans for the day.

"Are you going snorkeling with Bella, Edward?" Alice asked.

"Actually, I have to stay on the ship. I need to get some work done, and I need to call into a meeting."

"What do you do?" I asked before I realized it wasn't something a wife wouldn't already know, and I palmed my forehead at the faux pas.

Edward rubbed my back and leaned in to whisper, "Relax Bella, I don't think anyone heard. And even if they did, it's not like they're going to make us walk the plank."

"No, but they can kick us off this boat. When you get kicked off a cruise ship, they send a helicopter to fly you back to Florida, and then they bill you for the flight. And you're left to figure out how to get home. They don't even take you back to the port you left from," I said quietly into his shoulder.

"Cool, I've always wanted a ride in a helicopter," Edward teased, trying to relieve my anxiety.

I turned slightly so I could see his face and gave him a small smile, silently thanking him.

"It'll be fine," he said, kissing the tip of my nose.

I nodded, and his retuning smile made my heart skip a beat.

Jasper started humming the theme to The Love Boat again, and I groaned in protest.

"You know Japer, this isn't the love boat; The Love Boat was on Princess Cruise Lines."

"Oh, I beg to differ. This is better than the Love Boat. It's the Group-love Boat!"

"Nice," Edward said, leaning over to give Jasper a high five. Alice giggled, and I just shook my head, trying not to smile because I knew it would only encourage him.

After breakfast, we strolled through the Promenade to waste time before we headed back to the cabins to get ready for our excursions.

Edward started to pull his laptop and files out of his bag. "So you're just going to stay here and work all day?"

"I actually booked time in the business center, but yes, I'm staying on the ship. I tried to clear my schedule so I could relax more. Unfortunately, I couldn't reschedule this meeting. It's really the only work I need to do for the rest of the trip. I think. I hope."

"What exactly do you do?" I asked as I dodged the trunk and mattress pad to sit on the love seat, pulling my knees up to my chin.

"I'm a green building consultant."

"Only green buildings?" I snickered. "Do you have something against other color buildings?"

He studied me for a moment, trying to determine if I was teasing. It was a corny joke; he probably got that all the time. He must have realized I was, because he smirked and said, "Yeah, just like M&Ms, the green ones are the sexiest."

"Ha ha," I brilliantly retorted.

"Actually, I specialize in rehabbing historic buildings for sustainability, but this summer I'm stepping back from project-based consulting to do some grant writing for a small town in Washington. They want to make their historic town center more sustainable, without losing the historic charm of the community."

"Wow, that's kind of cool."

"It'll be amazing for the community if they get the grants. It would mean a multiyear infusion of jobs and will reduce the long-term operating cost for their public spaces, reducing their carbon footprint."

His eyes twinkled as he spoke, and I could tell he had a lot of pride in his job and that he felt a connection to a greater good. I felt that way about teaching too.

"So, if you're working in Washington, does that mean you're coming home? I'll bet your parents are excited."

"With a decent internet connection, I can work from pretty much anywhere, which is how I've been able to spend so much time with my grandma since Granddad died. I prefer to be a bit closer to the site because it reduces the amount of fuel consumed for the occasional in-person visit. It's kind of hard to sell sustainability and conservation when you're jetting back and forth a couple of times a month."

"I can see that. It's nice that you can take the time with your grandma, though I don't even want to think about the alternatives if you hadn't agreed to come on this cruise, so thank you for that."

He nodded, but his brow was furrowed, and he looked at me as if he were trying to figure out how to respond. It made me nervous, and I started gnawing on my bottom lip as we descended into another awkward silence.

He let out a big gush of air and picked up his laptop bag. "I better get going. I want to test out the video conferencing equipment early so I'm ready when the meeting starts."

"Okay, I'll see you later?" I shook my head at myself. Of course he'd see me later; it's not like he could miss me in this tiny room.

Edward tried to hide his amused smile, but it was still there. "Can't wait," he said with a wink.

"Okay, now go save the planet," I chuckled as he strolled out of the door.

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**Thank you for reading! I love hearing what you think about a chapter, so leave a little note!**

**I like to rec stories that I really enjoy from other the authors that help keep me writing. (mostly in WC's) This week, I'm going to actually rec a contest instead. I'm pretty sure you've heard of Fic This Gif contest. But several of the girls I write have written for this contest and I can't wait to find out who wrote what. (I may or may not have pre-read for one and loved it!) So that is my rec, go read the entries, leave them a little love and vote June 8th. Here are the entries: u/3958398/FicThisGifAnonContest**

**See you next Wednesday. ;)**


	6. Chapter 6 Coco Loco

**The Love Boat**

Hi guys. Thanks for coming back! I have some exciting news. First, The Love Boat was selected as a Fic on the Week at The Lemonade Stand. I'm super excited and I really, really want to thank all of for going over there and voting. I think I may own a couple of you a favor or two. ;)

The Love Boat was also featured in the TLS Nursery on Friday, and to even be included in the same breath the other fics and authors in the Nursery this month makes me ridiculously excited. For some reason, people in my RL don't seem to appreciate the magnitude of this honor.

Can't find TLS? I'll give you a hint, the "The" is spelled twilly-style: tehlemonadestand. net

AND IndieFicPimp as also selected The Love Boat as the New Fic of the Week! IndieFicPimp is dedicated to pimping out the little know fic with less than 1,000 reviews.- indieficpimp. blogspot. Com

It's been my best Fic Week ever! *Throws confetti*

Now that we're all covered in little bits of paper, does anyone wonder how Bella's snorkeling trip is going? Let's see…

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**Chapter 6 Coco Locos (BPOV)**

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One of the benefits-slash-consequences of visiting my mom in Jacksonville before the cruise was that she thought I needed a completely new wardrobe and used it as an excuse to splurge on me like she said she couldn't do when I was "all the way up there in that stuffy little town." I thought having so many swimsuits was excessive, especially since I wouldn't really have anywhere to wear them back home in Forks, but she insisted.

I barely had time to change and pack a beach bag before Alice was knocking at my door. I yelled through the door, "I'm ready, I'm ready!" as I grabbed my bag and sunglasses and rushed to open it before she knocked again. She was so impatient.

I pulled the door open and Alice gasped and put both hands over her mouth as she stepped back and looked me over. I was confused and looked around for anything that could have caused her reaction. Even Jasper looked confused. She stepped back toward me and took a wrist in each of her hands, pushing them out to my sides so she could inspect me better. If she hadn't been smiling so enthusiastically, I might have been worried I was covered in some kind of awful rash.

"A crocheted bikini and a pareo? I see midriff! Who are you, and where is the Bella Swan whose entire wardrobe consists of jeans or loose fitting dresses and matching sweaters?"

"Haha, very funny. You can't snorkel in a dress!" I replied, dryly.

"You know very well what I mean! I don't think I've ever seen you in a two piece. Ever!" she said excitedly as she hooked her arm in mine and started to pull me down the hall to the elevators. Just like always, Jasper dutifully followed behind us.

"Well, you know my mom, it's kind of hard to say 'no' to her when she's gets so excited."

"You don't seem to have any problem telling me 'no' when I'm excited," she said with a pout.

"Alice, you're always excited. And if I let you have your way, you'd lay my clothes out for me every day, and I'd be dressed like a high class call girl."

"How are you ever going to catch a man if you don't advertize? Speaking of, I hope my cousin saw you in this," she said with a smile.

Choosing to ignore her comment about Edward, I argued, "Alice, I teach kindergarten, I'm not looking for a five year old."

"Bella, they have dads and uncles! If you just play it up a little, they'll tell them about their pretty teacher!" she exclaimed.

"Alice," Jasper interjected from behind with a scoff. "Don't you remember when we went to Art Night? All those little boys are already in love with her."

We both craned our necks to see him, Alice to glare and me to mouth, "thank you" for guiding her away from the "dads and uncles" scheme.

She huffed and turned back to me as we entered the elevator. "Anyway, this is super cute. Crochet swimsuits are all the rage this year."

"Yeah, that's what my mom said; she insisted I needed one. This was the most modest one I could find." I tugged at the crocheted daisies that covered my ribs.

Alice grabbed the hem of her gauzy cover up and lifted it up to her chin to reveal a tiny little yellow crocheted bikini. "This was the _least_ modest one I could find!" she said with a laugh, and then spun around to show me the rosette that covered only the very center of her bum against the open weave of the rest of the bottom.

My jaw dropped, and I turned to Jasper. "You're going to let her wear that?" I asked, pointing at her re-covered bikini bottom.

He laughed heartily. "Bella, you know I can't stop Alice from wearing what she wants."

"But everyone will see her bottom!"

"They can look all they want, as long as they don't touch." He shrugged. "Right, Baby?" He leaned down to kiss her cheek and pinched her other cheek.

Alice jolted a bit, surprised by the nip. "That's right, Baby," she said with a coy simper as she raised her face to his for a lingering kiss. You would think that I would be used to witnessing their affection by now, yet it still made me blush. I looked away, focusing on the pattern of the textured paneling.

The elevator dinged, to my relief, and I let out a breath in a gush. Alice reached over, giving my bare arm a gentle squeeze and whispered, "We were already done. But watching you stare at the wall was kind of hot."

My brows furrowed as I processed what she told me, and I blushed again in embarrassment. Jasper at least tried to hold his laugh in, but Alice's infectious giggles got the better of both of us, and even I had to laugh at myself.

Alice halted us as we entered the lobby, holding her hand out. "I need your SeaKey."

I started to dig for it in my bag as I asked her why.

"You'll need it to get on and off the boat, to get your snorkeling gear, and for anything you want to buy on this island. Since it's privately owned by the cruise line, it's the only currency there. I brought these cool little badge reels with clips so we can just attach them to our clothes, but we need to get holes punched in them."

"Oh," I said as I handed her my card. I should have known Alice would have figured out the best way for us to keep track of them, even if we were wearing practically nothing.

She looked at the card, and then back at me, raising an eyebrow. "Bella Cullen?"

"I guess so," I shrugged. Alice just smirked.

"Okay, I'll be right back," she said as she set her bag at my feet and pulled Jasper with her to stand in line at the counter.

I took the time to look at all of the décor in the lobby, which, unsurprisingly was sea themed, including a larger than life replica of Botticelli's The Birth of Venus that must have been twelve feet tall and covered the entire back wall of the lobby. It's always been one of my favorite paintings, and even though it clearly wasn't the original, it was still beautiful and sort of breathtaking.

"Have you ever seen the original?" a vaguely familiar voice asked.

I turned to see Bob from the terminal standing next to me, looking at the painting too.

"No," I said, shaking my head but keeping my eyes focused on the painting.

"It hangs in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence. Molly and I go to Italy every couple of years," he said, turning toward me. He rested his hand on my forearm, and stroked my skin with his thumb. I looked down, dismayed that he would be touching me in such an intimate way. When I looked up at him, his eyes were boring into mine. "You know, we might consider bringing in 'companions' if the fit was right."

As soon as he felt me start to pull away, he released my arm. "I…I…my husband..." I stuttered.

"Oh, you do play the game so well," he said gleefully. "But, I think I might have frightened you. I assure you, both Molly and I only play, 'safe, sane, consensual.'" He patted my shoulder. "Oh, and my Molly still plays the ingénue, too. I'll bet your husband will like that. She's very convincing."

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't even comprehend how to reply.

Luckily, something caught Bob's attention across the room. "Please excuse me, dear. I have business with George." He pointed across the room. "And this is probably a conversation best held in the presence of your husband."

Bob turned away, starting to cross the room, just as Alice and Jasper retuned.

"Who was that?" Alice asked curiously.

"Umm, remember when I told you about Bob and Molly from the terminal? That was Bob."

Alice looked from me to Bob's retreating form and back. "Are you serious? He's like sixty!"

"I know." I nodded, still a little dumbfounded. "I think he just invited Edward and me to go to Italy with him and his wife if we would swing with them."

Alice's mouth fell open as she looked back and forth between Bob and me. "I want to go to Italy!" she said longingly.

"Alice!" I admonished.

"What?" she responded defensively.

I shook my head and fought the urge to roll my eyes. "Never mind, let's go."

We moved down the corridor to the line of passengers waiting for the tender boat to ferry them to shore. Alice clipped my SeaKey to the strap of my top as we waited and offered to watch my bag while I snorkeled since they were just planning on sunbathing. It sounded like a good idea. My stuff would stay safe and dry, and I'd meet them when I was done.

We shuffled along as the line moved out of the Pearl of the Caribbean and on to the tender boat, which was a large pontoon with bench seating. The boat was packed, leaving people behind us in line for the next trip.

After everyone was seated, the tender boat was untethered from the ship and began to make its way across the bay. The beautiful, clear sky and the translucent, turquoise water all around us excited me for the snorkeling. It was probably the single thing I was most excited for on this trip.

About a third of the way to the dock, a man wearing a "Swinging on a Star Staff" t-shirt stood at the front of the boat with a megaphone and began to make announcements.

"Coco Cay is a private island of the cruise line. We are the only ship tendered today, so we have been able to designate the entire island as clothing optional, with the exception of the bar and shops."

The boat erupted in cheers, which completely masked my own groaning.

"Any excursion not occurring in one of the bars or shops has also been designated as clothing optional."

The group cheered again. _Is there any chance the snorkeling will qualify as a bar or shop excursion? We have to go to a shop to get our gear, right?_

"Just like on the ship, cruise line staff is off limits."

A scattering of "boos" came from the masses behind us, quickly followed by a mass chuckle. The announcer gave an exaggerated shrug to indicate he had no control over the rule and laughed along with the others.

"Sex is only permitted in designated areas. But, we have several beautiful areas already set up, so I'm sure you won't have any problems finding a place to get frisky," the announcer said, wiggling his eyebrows.

It seemed the entire boat was snickering and giggling, even Jasper and Alice were smiling at each other as their hands playfully intertwined on his thigh. I was really starting to question whether I should just stay on the boat and return to the ship for the day.

Timed perfectly, the boat sidled up to the dock just at as the announcer said, "Don't forget, you must return to the ship no later than seven pm. If you miss the ship, you will be responsible for the cost of returning to the ship or nearest port. There are no overnight stays on the island."

We filed off the tender boat, and I agreed to go with Jasper and Alice to scout out where they'd be sunbathing so I could meet back up with them when I'd had my fill of swimming with the fish. Once they had their spot claimed and beach loungers in place, I headed for the Snorkel Shack.

* * *

"Here you go," I said as I enthusiastically pulled my SeaKey from the reel so my new friend, Paolo, could scan it for my latest Coco Loco.

It was kind of fun to pull the card out and let it retract, like magic. So I did it a couple of more times until the card snapped back, hitting me sharply. "Ouch! That hurt my—" I looked around to make sure no one was listening and stood up on the rung of the stool, and leaning over so I could whisper in Paolo's ear. "That hurt my boobie!"

I sat back on my stool with a thump and started rubbing it. Paolo just laughed and went back to drying glasses behind the bar.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard an unmistakable velvet voice ask from beside me. My stool wobbled beneath me as I turned to face him. I might have fallen if Edward hadn't reached for my arms to steady me. I wasn't expecting him to be here, and for a moment, I just stared at him. His touch on my forearms felt so different from when Bob held them the same way earlier; his warmth seeped through my skin and into my bones. A frisson spread through my entire body as his long fingers trailed to my wrist and traced my fingertips.

"Edward!" I squealed. "Paolo, Paolo!" I yelled, "Look it's my fake husband!"

Edward slid onto the stool next to me, and I sort of leaned on him, resting my forearm on his shoulder. Edward scooted his stool a little closer and wrapped his arm around my waist, helping to stabilize me.

He smelled so good. Like sun and happy and coconuts and, well I'm not sure what to call it, but, I liked it. I rubbed my hand across his chest, saying, "Edwerd, this is Paolo. Paaal-low, not Paul o. He's my new friend. We're not allowed to have sex with him because he's staff. Right, Paolo?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied with a brilliant smile before tucking his head in embarrassment. I could tell he was blushing under his dark skin.

"And this," I said, bringing my hand up to caress Edward's cheek, "…Is my fake husband. He's pretty, isn't he? He's so pretty. I wish I was as pretty as him." I was momentarily lost in his eyes. They were pretty.

"Oh no!" I released Edward and stood up again on the rail, reaching over and clutching Paolo's arm. "Oh no! That's a secret! You can't tell anyone! I'll get in trouble. I'm not a very good fake wife."

"No, ma'am. Your secret is safe with me - bartender code," he said as he winked.

I gasped. "He does that to me! I winks me…he winks at me!" I exclaimed as I pointed back and forth between them.

I wobbled a little, re-seating myself on the stool, but my fake husband caught me. He seemed to be amused.

"What about this seat?"

I turned toward the voice and smiled.

"Jasper!" I cheered, excitedly. "Oh my god! What the hell happened to your head?"

Before he could answer, I remembered that I hadn't introduced him to my new friend. "Paolo, this is my…my…umm…what air you to me?" I asked, looking at Jasper to my right. I turned back to the bartender. "I don't know what he is, he's my fake husband's cousin's huzband. Does that make him my second fake husband, once removed? Or, maybe he's my best friend's husband, well, he's kind of my best friend too, but not as bestest as his wife and he's hur husband. It's something like that." I laughed at my own hilarity.

"It's nice to meet you Jasper, and Edward," Paolo said in his beautiful island accent while shaking each of their hands.

"I'll tell you another secret, Paolo. See them ugly black socks he's wearing?" I pointed to Jasper's feet. "He only wears 'em to make my best friend earrritated, because then she'll have hot monkey sex with him."

Jasper blushed. I made him blush! Score one for me. I want to make Edward blush too.

"What 'bout you, Eddered, do you like hot monkey sex?"

"I don't know. I can't say I've ever had sex with a monkey," he said, completely serious.

"Ha ha," I said, giving him the side eye. Edward was sitting there all sexy-smirky. "Bonobos have the dirtiest monkey sex."

His eyebrow quirked, and he opened his mouth to say something, but then he shook his head slightly like he'd changed his mind.

"Ha! I gotcha there!" I pointed at him.

"But bonobos aren't monkeys," he playfully argued, leaning toward me a little bit.

"They are not," I said, excitedly. "They're apes. Grape apes. I mean great apes. I love that you know that."

He nodded and finally blushed.

"Bonobos are the dirty lil' secret of the animal kingdom," I said lowly, leaning into him a bit more.

"Is that so?"

"They're the only non-human aminals to have missionary sex," I said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Yep." I nodded. "They also tongue kiss, have orgies to reduce group tension, and the males penis fence."

Edward's eyes crinkled as he broke into a full laugh. He was even more beautiful than normal.

"They sound like they'd be right at home on the ship; as a matter of fact, I had someone offer to penis fence with me on my way here."

I gasped. "No way! What did you tell him?"

"I told him my wife wouldn't let me," he said, winking at me.

"You did? That's so sweet. You gave up penis fencing just for me!" I squealed, clapping my hands together.

Jasper tapped the bar in front of me to get my attention.

"Jasper, would you give up penis fencing for your wife?" I asked, then quickly added, "Alice is my best friend, so you better say 'yes.'"

"Yes," Jasper said dryly. He didn't seem very amused.

"Uh Bella, where in the hell have you been? Alice and I have been waiting for you for hours."

"I've been here, with Paolo," I explained, simply.

"Okay. Why? I thought we were going to meet up after snorkeling."

"I didn't want you to know I chickened out on the snortaling."

Jasper chuckled. "On the what?"

"Storkeling...snortelin…skokle…you know, swimming with a tube in your mouth!" I lifted my head from Edward's shoulder and gestured an imaginary snorkel coming from my lips.

Jasper and Edward both snickered like they were twelve and I'd said something dirty.

"Oh, snorkeling," he said with a cheeky smile.

"Why did you chicken out? You were so excited," Jasper asked with concern.

"I was! But 'member on the ferry boat when they said the island was 'clothing optional.' They were all snorkeling in nothin' but flippers!"

Jasper threw his head back and laughed. I heard Edward laughing from my other side too.

"Is not funny, guys! What if a fish bit their danglies?" I asked.

"Stop Laughing! I know what you're thinking," I said, nearly falling off the stool when I stomped my foot on its rail.

"What am I thinking?" Jasper asked, with a feigned innocence.

"You're a dirty boy, so you're thinking, 'Maybe they could get a blow fish blow job!'"

Jasper shook his head, laughing. "I wasn't thinking that, but I am now!"

"Whatever," I said as I turned back toward the bar and picked up my drink.

Edward took the coconut cup from my hand. "I think you've had enough to drink, don't you?"

"Nope," I said, reaching for the drink as Edward pulled it away.

Jasper leaned on the bar, tapping on the top to get my attention again.

"Bella, I get you were uncomfortable, but why were you embarrassed?"

"Cause you think I'm a prude!"

"No, I don't."

"Uh-huh. So does Alice. Where is Alice? She didn't want to be seen with a prude?" I asked, hanging my head. I blinked back tears. I didn't want to be one of those people who got a little tipsy and started bawling.

"Sweetie," he said, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly. "She doesn't think that. She's waiting for you where we agreed to meet. She's been worried about you. Where were you?"

"She is? Why?"

"Bella, you turned your gear in like five hours ago!"

"Five hours? No way!"

"Way.

"That's why I went and got Edward, so he could help me look for you."

"I'm sorry. I just stopped in for a drink because...you know what's great about this bar?"

"I'm guessing that frilly drink right there," Jasper said, pointing at the Coco Loco in front of Edward.

"Oh they are really good! But know what else?"

"Hmm?"

"Clothing is not optional. Right, Paolo? You have to wear clothes to be here," I said, nodding emphatically. "That's why it's just me and my new friend, Paolo, here. Right, Paolo?"

Paolo nodded.

"But now you're here, and so is my fake husband, Edward," I said excitedly, turning a bit too fast and almost slipping off the stool. "Go get Ali Cat, it'll be a party!"

"I think you've already partied enough for all of us. She should go back to the ship," Jasper said, standing up. "We can pick up Alice and the things on our way."

"No! I don't want to go back to the ship. Alice wanted to lie in the sun all day, and it's still day! Plus, she'll be mad at me!"

Edward sighed. "How about this, I'll take you back to the ship, and Jasper and Alice can stay and enjoy what's left of the day on the island?"

"Yes!" I said, a bit louder than I intended. "You're so smart; that's why I fake married you."

"I don't know," Japer started to argue.

"Pleassseeeeeeee," I added, using the Puss in Boots face my little kindergartners had down to an art.

Edward laughed and patted Jasper on the shoulder. "How could you resist that?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I guess I can't."

I spun around on the stool to face Jasper. "Thank you so much." I threw my arms around his neck. "Make sure Alice still has fun today, okay? And tell her not to be mad at me. And tell her I love you. From me. Not you. You can tell her from you if you want, just from me too, cause I love her. And you. I love you, too."

Jasper laughed as he returned my hug.

"Okay, I'll see you guys on the ship later," he said as he made his way out of the Tiki Hut.

It was just me, Edward, and Paolo then. I took a couple of moments to look at my pretty, fake husband. I could look at him all day. I hoped my real husband was as pretty as him.

"Do you want a secret too?" I asked him, fluttering my eyelashes.

His lips turned into a smile. "Sure."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and looked up at him, whispering, "I'm a tiny, little bit tipsy." I brought my hand up to show him how drunk I thought I was with my thumb and index finger.

He looked down into my eyes. I wished he'd kiss me. He took my fingers and separated them as far as they would go. "I think it's a little more than that."

I nodded, but I had to close my eyes for a minute when it made me feel dizzy.

"What's in these?" Edward asked.

"Dark rum, coconut rum, fruit juice, coconut cream," Paolo replied in his lovely island accent.

"How much rum?" I heard Edward ask. My eyes were still closed, and I could go to sleep listening to their voices going back and forth.

"Half a jigger of each."

"How many has she had?"

My eyes shot open, and I raised my hand like I was in grade school. "I know this one!" I exclaimed, "I've been keeping track," I announced proudly.

Edward looked at me, his brow furrowed. "How have you been keeping track?"

"I kept all my straws! I hear that's what you're supposed to do. Keep all your straws, so you know when to say 'when.'"

Just one side of Edward's face lifted in a doubting smile. "Where are they?"

I looked at him, confused, and followed his line of sight to the straw-less bar. "Oh, I kept 'em in my 'old lady pocket,'" I explained as I started to fish them out of my swimsuit top. For some reason, I had been storing them in both cups of the top.

"Five? Is that all of them?"

I leaned into him, and jutted my boobs out. "Do you want to check?" I asked with a raspiness that I hoped was sexy.

He didn't seem to get it, because he didn't take the invitation to look and he didn't look turned on either. He looked into my eyes, but it seemed to be an examination rather than the lustful gaze I wanted.

Edward turned to my new friend Paolo and pointed to the Coco Loco on the bar. "Six?"

Paolo nodded.

"Why would you serve her so much?" he asked angrily. "Look how small she is. She can't weigh more than a hundred pounds!"

"Yes I can. I weigh a hundred and eight pounds!" I said, slapping my hand over my mouth. I wasn't supposed to tell that. A lady never tells.

Edward's glare shifted to me for a moment before he turned back to Paolo.

"Sir, it is the cruise line's policy not to cut anyone off unless they become belligerent or disruptive."

My head was feeling heavy, so I rested it back on Edward's shoulder. I was just closing my eyes to rest them for a minute when Edward's voice startled me. "Bella,"

"What?" I asked irritated without opening my eyes.

Edward took my chin in his hand, raising it and demanding that I open my eyes.

"Fine," I said, opening them really wide and staring at him.

"Did you eat today?"

"Yes," I nodded. I pointed to my still untouched, sixth Coco Loco. "I had peeneapple and cherrries." I laughed when I heard myself. "Did you hear that, Edward? I said peen-apples, like peen," I explained pointing at his crotch. "And cherries, but…" I looked into his eyes and whispered, "I don't have my cherry anymore."

"Are you mad at me because I didn't save my cherry?" I asked him and winked. I hoped that wink had the same affect on him that his had on me. I leapt toward the bar and grabbed the little garnish sword from my drink and brought it up to our faces. "Oh look, I have another cherry! You want it?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows seductively.

Edward threw his head back in laughter, and I took the opportunity to pop my cherry in his mouth.

"Whoa, careful there, don't stab me with your little sword," he chuckled as he chewed the fruit.

I raised an eyebrow, tucking my chin in so I could look up at him through my lashes. "Why, is that your job…stabbing me with your little sword?" I asked breathlessly as I attempted to tap his pretty nose with tip of my finger.

I lost my balance on the stool and started to fall forward, but Edward's arms quickly tightened around my middle, pulling me completely upright against his body. I threw both my arms around his neck and held on as tight as I could, reveling in the feeling of my body pressed to his.

"Okay Little Lush, I think it's time to get you back to the boat," he said quietly as he gently set my feet back on the floor.

"I'm not a lush," I said with my brows furrowed. "I'm just a teeny bit tipsy."

"Uh-huh," he absently agreed.

I didn't believe him though. He didn't believe I was just tipsy. He thought I was drunk as a skunk. "It's true, you can ask Paolo," I said, pointing to my new friend.

When I pointed at him, my hand bumped my forgotten refill and it spilled all over the bar. "Oh no! Paolo, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, ma'am. It's no problem," he said graciously as he began to mop the spilled booze with a bar cloth.

"Is that disruptive enough for you?" Edward nearly spit out.

I slapped Edward's shoulder. "Hey, be nice to Paolo, he's my new friend!" I said before I slipped my hand back around him and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

"Okay, Bella, why don't you let go so we can walk back to the ship," he said, softly stroking my arms that were stretched out across his chest.

I didn't want to let go of him. "You know what you should call me? You should call me Belly-bean. Do you remember when you used to call me that?"

"Yeah, you used to hate that," he chuckled, still stroking my arms.

I shook my head against his shoulder. "I only pretended to not like it. I secretly loved it because you were the only one who called me that."

"Really?"

I looked up at him and nodded, lost for a moment in the sensation of his fingers gliding along my arms. "Do you secretly love it when I call you Eddie-spaghetti?" I asked hopefully.

Edward's hands stilled as he threw his head back and laughed boisterously. "No, not at all."

We stood in the middle of the bar, swaying in our embrace, and for the first time, the silence was not awkward.

"You're not going to let go, are you?" he asked, rubbing my back.

I shook my head against his shoulder again, taking another deep pull of his scent.

"Then I'm going to carry you," he said as he swept his arm under my knees, lifting me into his arms.

My eyes shot open as Edward headed for the exit and toward the path to the tender dock. I squeezed him tighter, noticing his sunglasses hung on the back of his collar. I pulled them out and placed them on his face with a huge smile.

"Thank you," he said, and even tipsy, I was sure there was a wink behind those shades.

I let my finger trail down his jaw. "It's too bad you don't have a hat. And my friends aren't here to see this."

"Huh?" Edward said, without a trace of exertion in his voice.

"I could be Debra Winger!"

"Okaaay," Edward drew out. "And I need a hat for that?"

"Of course you do!"

* * *

**AN: Thank you all for reading! So what do you think? Is Bella just a tipsy flirt or is she shit-faced? I have three settings; sober, tipsy and passed out. There is no in between; so if I'm not sober, and I'm not passed out, clearly, I'm just tipsy. What are you like drunk/tipsy?**

**And I have a new rec for you too! I've seen Cooking for Dummies by Nikita2009 (or on twitter, she's GrannyPantsSwan ) on IFP, TLS, and even TFT. GrannyPantsSwan is a kick to tweet with and when I saw someone begging for more of her Chefward, I couldn't resist anymore.**

**I was immediately hooked. Edward and Bella hit it off wrong from the moment they see each other. Add in Bella's poor review of Edward's restaurant and tangled up personal histories and you get Edward's account (who is also Bella's high school bestie) saying, "Are you guys going to try and fuck right here in the middle of the floor? Should we leave a box of condoms and go see a movie whilst you defile the kitchen with this ridiculous sexual tension?" Somehow, I don't quite believe Bella when she replies, "Yeah, not gonna happen." Go read it and leaver her some love. - s/7932246/1/Cooking_for_Dummies**


	7. Chapter 7 Sarong

**The Love Boat**

Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05 and GeekChic12 make the Love Boat float.

* * *

**Chapter 7 Sarong (EPOV)**

* * *

The equipment in the business center worked perfectly, even if it was going to cost me a fortune. Everything in the meeting wrapped up nicely, which meant I wouldn't have any more work obligations for the rest of the trip.

The ship was nearly deserted, so I took the opportunity to explore a little. I played some blackjack in the casino; then I headed to one of the top decks that had a full sports court, rock-climbing wall, mini-golf and a FlowRider surf simulator. There were a few staff members and maybe five or six couples milling around, but other than that, it was empty.

I kept contemplating the FlowRider. The tech standing near the gate saw me looking at the rushing water and came to stand next to me at the railing, introducing himself as Joham. He told me the water rushes uphill at about thirty miles per hour and was like an unending wave. It took a little bit of practice, but other than that, there was no special skill or training needed. With so few people around, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get the hang of it without the whole ship watching me fall on my ass.

"So, you wanna ride?"

"I'm thinking about it," I replied, trying to sound cool.

He smiled at me and tilted his head, looking me up and down. "It's no problem for a young, fit guy like you."

I was taken a little aback by his perusal of me. I shook it off, attributing his over friendliness to boredom. "No problem, huh?"

"You can have it any way you want. It's easiest if you just lie there, a little more fun on your knees, but I have to say it's much harder when you do it standing up," he said to me with a wink. A wink...he fucking winked at me. Then he added, "I have a feeling you like it really…hard. Is that how you want it?"

"I'm not really sure," I said, a little shocked, wringing the back of my neck. I was thinking this was definitely more than friendly.

"Come on," he enticed. "I'll be fun. I'll start you out on your belly, and we'll see how it goes from there."

"Okay, let me run back to my cabin and change into my swim trunks." I smiled, glad I could think of a way to escape the awkward conversation.

"All water attractions are clothing optional. You could just undress and hop on," he said, raising his eyebrow.

"What—" I shook my head, trying to clear the confusion out of it. I decided to play it off and hoped he'd get the hint. "Dude, you just told me that water rushes up at thirty miles per hour. There's no way I'm voluntarily letting thirty mile per hour jets of water anywhere near ass, sack, or sword."

"Sword?" he repeated quietly, with a low, appreciative whimper.

My eyes shot up to his, and I took a half a step back to create some distance. _Why did everyone on this cruise think I was gay?_ "Yeah," I chuckled. "I'm pretty sure my wife would be pissed off if it was out of commission for the rest of the cruise."

I thought if I could play it off as a joke, he'd get that I wasn't gay and we could avoid any more awkwardness. And I still wanted to try the FlowRider. I hoped once he realized I wasn't interested, he'd think I was oblivious to his flirting and he would slip back into his more professional character.

Joham looked at the ground and then brought his eyes back up to meet mine. "Look," he said, wetting his lips. "This isn't the first Swinging on a Star takeover I've worked. I know how things go down with you people."

"You people?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. I realized he assumed we were swingers, but I was still confused about how "things went down" with "us people."

He leaned into me, much closer than I was comfortable with, and whispered, "Your wife can come too. I don't mind a 'V' as long as _you_ are the hinge."

Did he just suggest a three-way with Bella and me? No way this dude was touching Bella. And what the hell is a 'hinge?'

He must have sensed my panic, because he straightened up and looked a little baffled.

"Joham, we both signed a behavioral conduct document, swearing that the staff was off limits," I said, crossing my arms over my chest, certain that I had delivered the ultimate argument.

He threw his head back with laughter and then put his hand on my arm. "This is your first Swinging on a Star event, isn't it?"

I looked between his hand on my arm and his face in confusion.

"Put it this way," he said, still laughing. "'Don't ask, don't tell' is alive and well at Swinging on a Star takeovers."

I pulled my arm away from his grasp. _Why didn't he understand? Couldn't he take a 'no?' _And then I realized, I never actually said it. This situation was the same as dinner last night. When people expected you to be in this lifestyle, subtlety didn't work. They thought it was a coy game.

"No."

"No?" Joham asked, clearly confused.

"No, I'm not interested. And neither is my wife. You keep your hands off her," I warned gruffly.

"I wouldn't touch your wife with a ten foot pole, let alone _my_ pole!"

What the hell? Bella was beautiful. Every man wants her. He was starting to piss me off. "What's wrong with my wife?"

"Mostly, she doesn't have a dick," he said angrily, crossing his arms over his chest. "I told you, _you_ would have the hinge!"

And that's when it started to click for me. "Oh, so a hinge…?" I asked, relaxing my stance and dropping my arms.

"You play with me, I most certainly play with you. You can play with her, she can play with you. I don't play with her, and she doesn't touch me," he explained flatly, dropping his arms too.

I nodded in understanding.

"How new at this are you?"

"Really new," I confirmed.

"There are some kiosks in the promenade brought aboard specifically to cater to the 'lifestyle;' you should find some literature that can help you figure out some of these terms and a little bit about the lifestyle culture. Otherwise, they're going to eat you alive, dude."

"Thanks," I replied sincerely, a little touched that he seemed to have completely switched from Don Juan to lifestyle advocate in an instant.

"No problem. You let me know if you change your mind about a 'play date' though," he said with a wink.

I chuckled. "Yeah, I'll do that."

We stood in awkward silence for a moment before I accepted there really was no graceful way to exit. "Yeah, so I'm going to go check out those kiosks now," I said, jerking my thumb over my shoulder toward the elevators.

I heard his boisterous laughter as I turned and walked away.

**º(((¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.· The Love Boat ·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸(((º**

The "lifestyle" kiosks were definitely eye opening. I was impressed at how passionate the vendors were about both their products and the lifestyle itself. Even within the "swinger" community, a whole spectrum of other "sex positive" subcultures existed that covered pretty much everything except "vanilla."

I purchased a couple of things and picked up a few pieces of literature that I thought would help Bella and I navigate the "lifestyle" for the remainder of the cruise and was headed back to the cabin when I saw Jasper barreling down the hall.

"Edward," he said, with a mixture of relief and panic in his voice.

"Jasper, dude, what the fuck did you do to your hair?" I asked, pointing at his head full of beaded braids.

"Oh," he said, skimming his hands over the bumpy, blond rows on his head. "I'm embracing the island."

I just stared at him. I never understood how he could get away with his chin-length hair with his corporate job in the first place. With his blond hair, his new corn rows actually looked like corn.

"Like 'em?" he asked, shaking his head. The beads knocked together, and Jasper swore loudly when one caught his eye. "That hurt, man," he whined, rubbing his eyelid.

"Oh yeah dude, they go great with your black socks and sandals," I laughed, pointing at his feet. There's no way I could ever get away with shit like that, but with Jasper, everyone humored him like he was the coolest thing since air conditioning.

"Screw you, dude, I don't like sand between my toes."

I laughed. One of the best things about Jasper was he gave shit as well as he got it.

"What are you doing back so soon? I thought you and Alice were planning on staying on the beach until they dragged her away."

"Yeah, well, I'm looking for Bella. Have you seen her?"

"No, I haven't. I thought she was planning to go ashore with you," I said, confused as I remembered the slight panic in his voice when he first saw me.

"She did, and she was supposed to meet up with us after snorkeling, but she never showed."

"Is she still in the water? Did you check with the dive master?"

"Yeah, well the Snorkel Shack said she turned her gear in about fifteen minutes after she got it, but she never showed up at our rendezvous spot."

"Rendezvous spot? Maybe that's why she didn't show. Did you really call it a rendezvous spot?" I asked, trying to create a little levity. Jasper was not amused.

"Come on Jasper, chill out. She's an adult. We know she turned in her gear, so we don't have to worry about her having some accident in the water."

"But this is not like her. Bella always shows up where she says she's going to. And it's been hours since she turned her gear in. Alice is freaked out."

"Okay," I sighed as I raked my hand though my hair. "Where's Alice now?"

"She won't leave the rendezv—meeting spot. I came back here to see if Bella returned to the cabin or something. "

"Let's check." I opened our door. The room was even emptier than when we'd left because housekeeping had been in and taken away the mattress pad as we requested. "She's not here," I said, stating the obvious. "Let's go down to the front desk and see if she's checked back on to the ship."

"I tried that; they wouldn't give me any information."

"Yeah, but I'm her husband," I responded confidently, putting my hand on my chest.

"What?"

"Yeah, when we checked in, they assumed we were married. They think we're newlyweds."

**º(((¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.· The Love Boat ·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸¸.·´¯`·.¸(((º**

As soon as we got within Alice's sight, she ran up to us. "Did you find her?"

"No, but we think we know where she is."

"Where?"

"Well, according to the SeaKey system, she hasn't re-boarded the ship. And there was a charge to her SeaKey at the Tiki Hut Bar and Grill about a half hour ago," Jasper reported.

"We're going to head there together, and if she's not there, we'll split up and meet here in an hour. Are you okay waiting here?" I asked. I had a feeling Alice would want to come, but I was a little worried about Alice's temper when we found Bella. Even more than that, I was worried about her reaction if we didn't find her. Also, in the back of my mind, I wondered if this was Bella's way of punishing Alice for her outburst yesterday afternoon.

"Wait…" Alice started to argue, but I cut her off.

"We really need someone to stay here in case she comes back."

"Fine," Alice said with a pout, putting her hands on her hips. She huffed as she sat down on the chaise and pointed to the cluster of buildings beyond the beach and commanded, "Go find my best friend."

On the way to the Tiki Hut, I questioned Jasper about why Bella might not want to meet up with them, but he couldn't think of any reason. He said they had all enjoyed the ride to the island, and Bella was excited to snorkel around the sunken ship in the cove.

In my head, I started strategizing how we should split up to maximize our search effort and wondering how long we should go on our own before contacting the authorities if she wasn't at the bar. Even though I told Jasper that we shouldn't worry because Bella was an adult, I was still alarmed. She turned in her gear, so I hoped that meant she wasn't in the water. But, even on land, I was worried for her safety because she had that sweet innocence thing going that made every degenerate asshole on this ship want her.

Maybe I was just absorbing Jasper and Alice's anxiety, but I felt protective of her, and my hackles were definitely up. It was all I could do to keep myself from alerting the authorities and demanding a search grid be established.

We followed the boardwalk off the beach and through the carefully planned tropical vegetation. The Tiki Hut Bar was open on three sides, with round tables scattered under the faux-thatched roof. The place was deserted, except for a single server behind the bar, and a pretty, little brunette playing with a retractable badge reel.

"Thank goodness," Jasper sighed as he started up the steps.

As we approached the bar, it was clear that Bella was three sheets to the wind.

Drunk Bella was funny and a little handsy. She leaned against my shoulder and brushed her fingers over my cheek and chest. More than once, I had to re-steady her on the stool.

Though, it did make me wonder how Bella would have gotten back to the ship if we hadn't found her. I didn't even want to think what might have happened if someone like Mike, from the dining room, would have taken advantage of her overly friendly state.

I would have never thought Bella could make Jasper blush, but seeing it was almost funny enough to make me forget the thought of my baby cousin having "hot monkey sex." Their entire conversation was a silly back and forth that showed how much they cared for one another. They were almost like brother and sister, and I understood his need to warn me against hurting Bella a little bit more.

Once Jasper left, Bella got even more flirty. It took all of my control not to give in to her. I wanted to kiss her when she looked up at me through her lashes. My fingers twitched when she offered to let me check for more straws in her "old lady pockets," which seemed to be code for her bra-top thingy. And hell yes, I wanted her cherry, and I wanted to show her how not little my sword was. But there was no way I was going to take advantage of her.

When I finally convinced Bella to head back to the boat with me, she could barely walk. I wanted to go back and tear her "new friend, Paolo" apart, but I had a feeling she would have face planted on the floor before I could even reach the bar. So, I pulled her in my arms and carried her out of the bar.

She molded to my body and wrapped her arms around my neck. I felt relief that she was safe in my arms and not floating in the water or being led away by some creep who would do god knew what to her.

When I noticed how small she looked in my arms, the caveman part of my brain engaged, proud that he was protecting his woman. I wanted to take her to my cave and keep everyone and everything away from her.

I carried her out into the bright sunshine, and Bella snuggled into my shoulder, taking a deep breath as she settled and started playing with the hair at the base of my neck. She looked at me, slowly blinking her heavy eyelids, like I was her entire world. I wanted that moment to last forever.

I was yanked from the moment when she poked me in the eye with the arm of my sunglasses trying to put them on my face. I winced, wanting so badly to rub my eye, but I couldn't because I was still carrying Bella. She gave me that brilliant smile I usually got when I winked at her. I didn't have the heart to tell her she'd just maimed me, so I just quietly thanked her for thinking to put them on in the first place.

Just as we turned onto the wooden planked path to the tender dock, we were stopped by two uniformed cruise line employees.

"Does she need medical attention?" The taller one asked.

"Nope, we're fine," I said, twisting slightly so Bella and I would fit though the narrow space between them.

"Then why are you carrying her?" he asked in an accusatory way.

I stood up a little straighter with Bella still in my arms. I was getting ready to tell the dickhead off when Bella giggled and lifted her head to explain, "Cause he's my hero. Aren't you?" She touched my nose and smiled, turning her face to the dickhead. "And I'm a little bit tipsy. He's my Super Eddie-Pasketti… Spa-skettis. You know…those long skinny noodles?" She pantomimed something that I guess was supposed to be spaghetti, and laughed at herself, throwing her head back with enough force that I almost dropped her.

"Bella, I'm going to set you down. Okay?" I set her on her feet as gently as I could before she flailed in my arms anymore. She wobbled and leaned heavily on me.

The dickhead had the nerve to ogle her tits. I cleared my throat and took half a step toward him.

His eyes snapped to mine. "Sir, may I see your SeaKey?"

As I reached for my SeaKey in my back pocket, the non-dickhead worker gently pulled Bella away by her elbow and led her a short distance away. I shot him a nasty glare, but he quietly told me he was just going to make sure she was okay and for some reason, I trusted him, unlike the asshole in front of me. He continued to hold onto her elbow for balance as she swayed and spoke with him.

Dickhead cleared his throat. "Sir, your card?"

I handed it to him roughly. He examined it, calling out to his partner, "Cullen, six-twenty."

The other man took his attention from Bella's rambling for a moment to nod back to us pointedly.

"Don't tell him," Bella said, pointing at me. "But I'm a wee bit more than tipsy. I don't want him to think I'm a lush. You don't think I'm a lush do you? Cause I don't usually drink. I'm a good girl. I teach kindergarten." She gasped loudly, covering her mouth with both hands. "But I'm not telling you where in Florida I teach," she told him, exaggerating the 'Florida' with a confident nod.

Dickhead's voice drew my attention back to him, and I glared at him angrily.

"I'm sorry Mister Cullen, but it's protocol. I'm sure you appreciate our concern for her safety."

"What? Are you fucking serious?"

"Please don't swear at me, Mister Cullen."

I clenched my jaw. "She wouldn't be in this condition if you'd have cut her off in the bar."

The little pencil-neck ignored my complaint. "We'd be happy to provide a wheelchair to assist you in getting her back to the boat."

"We'll be fine," I huffed, walking the short distance to Bella.

"Edward," she cheered excitedly. "Come meet my new friend, Joe. This island has lots of nice people."

I smiled at Joe and then Bella. The booze had relaxed her entire face, and even though she looked goofy as hell, she was still beautiful.

"Goodbye, Joe," I said as I wrapped my arm back around her waist.

"Goodbye. I hope you enjoy the rest of your voyage, Mrs. Cullen."

Bella's smile brightened even more as she looked up at me from where her head rested on my shoulder. "He called me Misses Cullen." Her voice had a dreamy quality to it. "I used to write 'Isabella Marie Cullen' on my notebooks in high school. Never hyphenated. Nope. I thought about changing my middle name to Swan for a little while, but then I'd be 'I. S. Cullen' and that just sounds like bad grammar." She scrunched up her nose at the thought. "Did you know I am, I. M. Swan?"

"No, I guess I always thought of you as Bella. Or Belly-bean," I said with a wink.

I wondered if it was the rum specifically, or any alcohol that made Bella spill her secrets. I was pretty sure she'd regret telling me she liked the silly nickname I had for her, but I was certain she would never have told me she used to doodle my name all over her Lisa Frank notebooks.

"Aww, you always thought of me. You're so sweet." She patted my cheek.

We walked a couple of steps, but even leaning against me, Bella stumbled a lot.

"Bella, are you sure you can walk?" I tightened the arm that circled her waist.

"That wasn't because I'm drunk. It was because of these flip-flops," she said, pointing to the spot where she'd last tripped over nothing.

"It is! Watch, I'll show you." She bent down and began pulling at the toes of her flip-flops, while still standing on them. I loosely held her hips so she didn't fall over. Her eyebrows furrowed together in frustration as she tried repeatedly to lift one foot, but she never could quite get it off the ground.

Bella straightened up suddenly, wobbling in place. The initial panic on her face was quickly replaced with excitement.

She bent back down to touch her toes, then shot back up. I stepped back because her arms swung so wildly.

"This is fun, Edward. You should try it."

She continued bending over and quickly standing back upright, teetering each time, but the quick changes in direction seemed to be keeping her from falling.

"It's like I'm one of those little glass birds with the red stuff in their butts that drink water."

I chuckled, knowing exactly what she was talking about. "A dippy bird?"

"Hey!" She jolted to a standing position and put her angry little fists on her hips. I reflexively reached for her when she looked like she was going to topple backwards. She lurched forward, crashing into my chest before taking half a step back. "Don't call me that!"

She looked at our hands resting on her hip, so near, yet not touching. Her eyes fixated on her own hand as she unfurled her fist, and brushed past my wrist to stroke my forearms. Her hands on me felt amazing, but the way she blushed and the little breathy sounds she made as she watched, made me want to throw her over my shoulder and find one of those "designated play areas" they announced on the tender ride to the island.

My thumbs almost reflexively traced circles into her hips, and I nudged her closer.

Her eyes flew to mine, and I saw the lust in them for just a moment, before they flashed with ire. Her eyebrows knitted together, and she tilted her head. "Just because you're all perfect with sexy arms with just the right amount of hairs, doesn't mean you can call me names!"

"I have sexy arms? With the perfect amount of hair?" I might have smirked.

"Uh-huh," she nodded, and looked back to my arm and started playing with a few hairs. "You're like all man-hairy, but not monkey-man hairy."

"I'm less hairy than a monkey-man? Good to know." I smiled wryly, trying to hold back a chuckle.

Her eyes twinkled with her smile as she nodded emphatically.

"Why do we always talk about monkeys?"

I laughed and shook my head. I'll bet her attention span rivaled that of her class hyped up on birthday cupcakes. "You're the one who keeps bringing up monkeys, Belly-bean."

Bella leaned away from me, and her eyes widened. She brought her hand up to point at my nose. "Now, I 'member…I'm mad at you!" Her eyebrows furrowed. "You called me a dippy bird. That's not nice. I may be a teeny, tinsy bit tipsy, but I'm not dippy!"

I tried to hold back my laughter, because I could tell she really thought I called her 'dippy.' I wiggled her hips slightly, making her shimmy. "Not you, silly Swan. Those drinking birds, they're called 'dippy birds.'"

"Oh," she said, swinging her shoulders back and forth like I had her hips. "Sorry."

I brought one hand to her shoulder to still her swaying. "I think you might be a little bit past tipsy, don't you?"

"Nah-uh. I know because just before you found me, I gave myself a field sobriety test. My dad is a cop." She nodded and slammed her finger at my chest before tapping it on her temple. "So I know how to do 'em."

My hands slid down her body, dipping a bit lower before returning to her waist.

"You want me to say my ACB's? I can't say them backwards, but I can't do that sober either."

I felt one side of my smile lift even higher. She didn't even notice that she'd already said them out of order.

"A C B D, E F G…"

"You can't sing, Bella."

"What?" She stomped her foot. "I thought you were nice! Now you're making fun of my singing. I didn't make fun of your ugly shirt!"

"You called me gay!"

"There is nothing wrong with being gay, Edward. Some people are born that way." She patted my shoulder, doing a crappy job of hiding how funny she thought she was.

I took off my sunglasses and tucked them in the collar of my shirt so she could see my eyes. I raised my eyebrows, and my eyes bored into hers. "Not me."

"I remember," she said, in a low husky voice. Biting her lip, she glanced down at my fly, and then looked back at up at me through her eyelashes.

_Holy fuck_. _She just checked out my dick. _She slowly raised her chin so that she could look into my eyes, unobstructed by her thick lashes. Even lost in her lustful gaze, I could see her cheeks burn crimson. I felt her breathing increase against my lips and her hand stroked my bicep to the same increasing rhythm.

"Edward," she whispered, as her hand moved across my shoulder and down my chest. She let a little moan slip out, but never broke eye contact as she turned her wrist and firmly gripped my now fully hard cock.

We were still on the beach. She was still drunk. I shook my head, trying to clear it.

"Bella," I warned. She seemed to snap out of it too and looked at me expectantly.

Bella's hand gently squeezed my cock and I wanted her to do it again, only harder. Every part of me wanted to beg for more, except for this one little glimmer of conscience that kept telling me it would be wrong to let her continue when she was this drunk.

I took a step back, holding her in place by her shoulders and breaking her connection with my crotch.

_Shit, what in the hell were we talking about before that? Field sobriety test, that's right. She's drunk. I can't have her like this. _

I shook my head again, still trying to focus.

"I meant, you can't sing your ABC's in a field sobriety test. You have to say them without singing them."

"Who in the heck can say them without singing? That's just crazy!" She tilted her head and shrugged one shoulder playfully. "How do you know? Is your dad a cop? No? I didn't think so."

I titled my head to match hers. "No, but I've seen plenty of episodes of Cops."

"Oh." She crossed her arms over her chest, sounding a little defeated before excitement flashed in her eyes. "I know what I can do! Watch this!"

She took a step back so that she was no longer in my arms and raised her arms to form a large letter "T." She closed her eyes and started to move her head backwards.

"I don't think this is a good idea."

"Shhh. Watch."

Bella fisted her hands, with just her pointer fingers sticking out, started to bring them toward her face. Time slowed down, and I watched in slow motion as she tipped further and further to the side. I quickly covered the distance between us, pulling her back into my arms.

She winced, bracing for the fall that never came. Her eyes opened and she threw her arms around my neck.

"My hero, you saved me!"

"Uh-huh," I agreed. As cute as she was, I was starting to wonder if we were ever going to make it to the tender boat. "So can we agree you're pretty much hammered?"

"That's what she said." She burst into laughter.

I chuckled, mostly at her laughing at her own joke.

Bella's fists went back to her hips. "Why didn't you laugh and high five me like you do Jasper?"

"You didn't do it right, Sweetie. But, points for effort," I said with a wink.

"I don't want your loser points," she pouted. "Okay, maybe I'm a lil bit drunk. But it's these damn flip-flops' fault I can't walk!" She sat down right in the middle of the walkway.

"What the hell are you doing, Bella?"

"I still can't get these off!" She pulled at the toes of her sandals, nearly falling backwards when she lost her grip.

"Here, you do it!" She rested on her elbows and flung a foot straight in the air at me. I wrapped my hand around her ankle but was distracted by the sight of her bare thigh when her skirt pooled around her bottom.

"Ed-hed-ed-waard," she cooed, wiggling her foot for attention.

"Oh. Yeah." I shook my head to clear it for the thousandth time since I met her at the bar. I refocused on her foot, where she had her toes curled, binding them between the foam and straps. It easily slipped off as soon as I straightened her toes. I couldn't resist sliding my hand down her smooth, soft calf before letting it drop.

Bella raised her other leg for the same treatment. I absentmindedly traced the contours of her ankle as my eyes drifted down her inner thigh.

A feminine, Midwestern accent pulled me from my thoughts. "Oh, I can't wait to see where this goes."

My head snapped up, the water, the beach, and the plank path suddenly in focus. I looked down at Bella, still leaning on her elbows, with her skirt bunched at her waist and her foot in my hands. I quickly took her flip-flop off and pulled her into a standing position.

Bella swayed a bit but recovered, turning to me with a smug smile. "See I told you it was the flippy-flops!"

"We've been watching you," the lady said, drawing my attention back to her.

The attractive brunette's hair was big enough to compare to my mom's prom picture, but she didn't look nearly as old as my mom. She wore a sheer, oversized beach cover-up but nothing underneath. Even through the gauzy material, I could see the curves of her tan, lithe body. Her husband was standing behind her, and from what I could see that wasn't blocked by his wife, he was wearing nothing at all.

"Tina, Love, don't scare them," he admonished. "Hi, we're the Fuchs." He reached around his wife to offer his hand.

I raised my hand to meet his, even though the formal greeting seemed out of place coming from a naked man. Before he could reach for Bella's hand, she burst out laughing.

"Seriously?" she asked between snorts.

The couple looked at each other in confusion before looking back to Bella.

"Are those 'code names?'"

Tina shrugged. "No, those are our real names. Well, MF is kind of a nick name for this one," she added, pointing her thumb over her shoulder.

"MF for Matthew Fuchs," he explained.

"Yeah, let's go with that, MF'er, 'MF' stands for Matthew Fuchs," she said, side-eying her husband with a wry smile.

Bella's laughter grew, and she had to put a hand on my chest to help her balance as she doubled over.

"Okay. You guys are swingers, right?"

They nodded their heads.

"And your name —" Bella was having trouble speaking between her peals of laughter, "—your name is Tinaloves fucks?"

I caught Bella by the elbow just as she started to fall with another round of laughter.

"I really do love a good fuck," Tina replied. "But it's pronounced Foo-ks. It's German for fox."

"You're foo-king kidding me." Bella managed to keep a straight face for about three seconds before Tina and Matthew's chortles got to her, and she started laughing again.

"Hi, I'm Edward; this is Bella. She's a little feisty when she's been drinking."

"I'm not drunk. I'm just a lil' tipsy!"

"It's okay," Tina said, fluttering her eyelashes at me before turning to Bella and cooing, "I always find a great orgasm is an excellent way to sober up."

She shifted a bit, running her finger along MF's defined, tanned chest and down to cup his junk, hidden behind her hip. "And this MF'er is built to please."

As she squeezed him, Matthew threw his arm around Tina's shoulder, and slipped his hand in the neckline of her cover-up, groping her tit while growling and nipping at her ear. His eyes met mine, and I expected them to be angry for staring, but he gave me the Joey Tribbiani head nod and then started to ogle Bella. The entire time the MF'er was sucking on her ear, he was eyeing Bella, while Tina was staring at me.

I wanted to pull Bella behind me to keep him from looking at her. Or maybe give her my shirt to wear, so he couldn't look at her chest while he was fondling his wife's, but Bella spoke up before I could.

"Interesting, because Edward has never given me an orgasm," Bella said, completely serious.

Tina smiled like Bella was joking. I saw Bella's shoulders tighten as she crossed her arms over her chest and leaned a bit closer to her. "It's true," she said, glancing at me and wetting her lips. "Not a single one."

"Then you should definitely come back to our cabana with us," Tina whispered, brushing Bella's cheek with the backs of her fingers. I was a little shocked and a lot turned on when I heard Bella moan as Tina's fingers continued to caress her cheek before tucking some stray hair behind her ear.

Bella pulled back, breaking contact. I saw some confusion in her eyes as she looked at me. Her eyes slid shut, and she seemed to relax as I rubbed the exposed skin of her lower back. Taking a deep breath, Bella lazily opened her eyes, smiling when she caught me looking down at her.

"See, Baby. Did you see that? The way they look at each other? They're adorable. That's why I want them," Tina said, rubbing Matthew's forearm.

Bella looked at me blankly, then back to the Fuchs. She blinked rapidly, and her lips parted to speak but closed before any sound was released. I felt bad for her discomfort, but at the same time, seeing her so flustered was amusing.

"That's a pretty drink. What's that called?" She pointed to the red and white frozen drink in Tina's hand.

"This is a Miami Vice. Half piña colada and half strawberry daiquiri. And all yum," she said, lifting the hurricane glass slightly. "MF is drinking Malibu and pineapple juice. He just can't get enough pineapple juice, if you know what I mean," she said, winking at Bella.

"What does she mean?" Bella whispered to me.

"I'll tell you back at the boat," I whispered back.

"You know…it makes the guys sweeter," Tina answered anyway.

"Oh. I don't think you could make Edward any sweeter," Bella said, blushing and glancing at me for a second before looking away.

Tina looked at me and silently asked if Bella was serious. I shrugged, because I really didn't know what else to do. I hoped she would take the cue to drop it, but she obviously didn't.

"Hun, I meant they taste better," Tina said, motioning to my crotch.

"They taste better?"

"Yeah, it makes their jizz taste better. I mean, it doesn't make it taste like skittles or anything, but it's definitely sweeter and less bitter. MF has been loading up on pineapple juice for weeks."

Right on cue, Matthew wiggled his bushy eyebrows.

"Why don't you come back to the cabana with us, and you can taste for yourself."

"Pfft, I'd rather taste that," Bella said, pointing at Tina's drink.

"I'll have Pam bring you one," Tina assured.

Bella eyes fixed on Tina's drink. She tilted her head and chewed on her bottom lip like she was actually trying to decide whether to go to the Fuchs' cabana with them.

I lowered my lips to her ear and whispered, "You know they want to have sex with us, right?"

Balla gasped and her jaw dropped. She pulled her face back to look into my eyes. I nodded, silently reaffirming Tina and Matthew's motivation.

"So do Bob and Molly. In Italy."

"What?" I asked. She nodded back to me the same way I had moments ago but didn't offer me any additional information.

"I think Bella's had enough to drink today. I really need to get her back on the ship."

Tina's face dropped, and her shoulders dipped a little in disappointment.

"It's okay, my love," Matthew told Tina, bringing his hand up to cup her cheek and kissing her with vigor.

"Thank you, though. We're very flattered," I added, trying to soften the rejection. The couple nodded their understanding, and I took Bella's hand to lead her back down the path toward the tender boat.

"Maybe we'll see you later on the ship," Tina said sadly, raising her hand to wave goodbye as they started to walk away.

"Cheer up, baby," Matthew told her, taking her hand in his.

"Only if you suck on my boob."

She shrieked when he lifted the edge of her cover-up and slapped her bare ass. "Deal."

We watched them walk away in silence, a little stunned by the entire interaction.

I pulled Bella along the path, toward the tender boat again. Even if it was just to help with her balance, I loved the feel of her tucked into my shoulder.

Bella snickered. "Oh my goodness, I didn't know they made crocheted speedos too!" she exclaimed, pointing at Matthew's retreating form.

I shrugged. "I thought he was naked until he stepped out from behind her."

Bella's giggles erupted again. "Remember that Friends episode where they called speedos 'banana hammocks?'"

I nodded.

"His banana hammock was yellow, just like a banana! I hope there are no monkeys on this island."

I cringed at the thought.

"Do you think it was real?"

"Do I think what was real?"

"His banana, it seemed really big."

I stopped in my footsteps. "You looked at his banana?"

She shrugged. "Didn't you?"

"No. I don't usually go around checking out the size of other dudes' junk."

"Oh."

We started back down the path, and Bella stopped us again, raising her finger up like she'd just remembered something she had forgotten.

"I wanted to go see Pam!" Bella whined.

"Bella, you don't even know who Pam is."

"I know she can get me a pretty drink. What if she's my new friend, but we don't get to meet now?"

"I think you've made enough new friends on this island."

"But I want to meet Pam!"

"Bella," I said, taking a deep breath and trying to think of a way to get her to agree to continue on our way. "You know for us to get to the cabanas, we have to walk all the way across the nude beaches, right? And they are in the designated play areas, so there will be people being openly amorous."

"Ew!"

We walked a bit more down the path.

"I'll bet she has big boobs."

"Who?"

"Pam, I'll bet she has big boobs. Pams always have big boobs."

"Okay, " I agreed to placate her ramblings.

We finally made it to the tender boat dock but just missed one trip, meaning we were among the first to board the next trip. I led her to an empty bench, and she slid all the way down to sit next to the rail. I slid onto the bench beside her.

Another cruiser sat next to me, and Bella twisted to put her back to the rail and threw her legs over my lap, pointing her toes to keep as much distance between the lady and me as possible.

I quirked an eyebrow, begging for an explanation.

"I told Alice I would understand if you wanted to 'play' with other girls on the ship, but I lied. I don't want to share," she admitted, wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling into my shoulder.

"I don't want to share, either," I assured her, rubbing her back with one hand and the back of her thigh with the other.

Her skirt fell open at my ministration, and I got another peek of her soft thigh.

"What is this thing? Is it split all the way up?" I asked huskily, sliding my hand higher on her bare thigh.

She ran her fingers through my hair, gently scratching my scalp and nudged my jaw with her nose as she brought her lips to my ear. "It's a par…peri…pari," She pulled back slightly, frustrated that she couldn't quite figure out how to say the word.

My eyes focused on the opening as I continued massaging her leg. I readjusted my position, trying to get situated so that Bella didn't feel my hard-on.

She softly sighed and whimpered as I rubbed her back and leg, relaxing into my shoulder. She continued playing with the fine hair at my neckline as her hooded eyes slowly blinked in contentment.

"Umm…Alice and my mom call it a par-something, but I call it a sarong."

"Uh-huh," I murmured absently.

"But I don't think it's sa-wrong, Edward. I think it's so-right. Don't you, Edward?"

"Uh-huh."

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**Thank you all for reading**.

I've never had a Miami Vice, but next time I go out, I'm ordering one and pretending I'm sipping it with the Fuchs in their cabin. ;)

Now, since so many of you told me how much you loved drunk Bella, I thought I'd rec MY favorite Drunk Bella!

**Willow** by **aftrnoondlight** /s/6795048/1/

A quaint small town. A horse named Willow. Two lonely lovers. These are the ingredients of a DIVINE holiday romance.

Words: 21,883 Status: Complete


	8. Chapter 8 Rocking

**The Love Boat**

Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12, Kikki007 and NuttyGinger are beautiful little sea nymphs, guiding The Love Boat on it path.

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**Chapter 8 Rocking (BPOV)**

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"Bella….Bella…can you sit up?"

_Why does everything hurt? _

"Bella…"

_I think something crawled in my mouth and died. I need to brush my teeth._

"Bella…"

_Please, for the love of God, stop yelling._

"Bella…"

"What?" I yelled back. "Oh god. Why does it hurt so much?" My hands flew to my head, trying to keep my skull from ripping apart at the sutures. _Sutures are fully fused by my age, right?_

Edward's amused chuckle made me want to throw up.

"Please stop," I whimpered. I rolled to my side, seeking a position that would stop the room from spinning.

"I'm going to die."

He chuckled again. Why does he hate me so much that he would use his laugh as an instrument of torture?

"No you're not, beautiful," he screamed at me as he gently tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Please…make the room stop moving."

"I wish I could, Bella." He kept trailing his fingers over my temple and behind my ear. He could do that forever as far as I was concerned, as long as he stopped yelling at me.

His soothing strokes were lulling me back to sleep, but I still couldn't get over the uneasy motion in my head.

"Still moving."

He roared with laughter. "Is the room rocking or spinning?"

"Why are you yelling at me?" I yelled back.

He stopped his ministrations when I rolled back onto my back. Without opening my eyes, I blindly reached for his hand and brought it back to my forehead. He got the hint and resumed his trail from the ridge of my eyebrow to circle my ear.

"You do know I'm not yelling, right?"

"I suppose you're going to try to tell me you haven't been laughing obnoxiously all morning, too?"

He laughed again, and while it was still way too loud, it really did sound more like a hearty chuckle than the ridiculous guffaws I was accusing him of.

"You're rocking quite the hangover. It just seems louder."

"Oh god, don't say 'rock.'"

"Yeah, some of that sense of motion, the rocking, is from the ship. We're moving. It's worse when you're lying down."

"I don't want to get up. Everything hurts," I whined.

"Well you had enough rum to drink Jack Sparrow under the table, so it probably should."

"Shh. Too loud." I took his hand and moved it to my left temple. "This side is jealous."

He readjusted his weight and gave the other side of my head the same attention. It felt so good. I started to drift back to sleep.

"Bella…" he whispered. "I really do think you should sit up and drink some water. It'll help with the dehydration."

I started to shake my head, but it hurt too much.

"Just drink a little."

"Never drinking again."

"Just water. No 'hair of the dog.' I promise."

"My eyes don't want to open." There was already too much light coming through my eyelids. I didn't want to chance opening my eyes. "Too bright."

"Just a sec…" I felt Edward's weight lift off the bed for a moment before he sat back down at my hip. The jostling made me want to curl in a ball and die.

"Here," he said as he slid my sunglasses over my eyes.

"Mmm, better."

The sunglasses obstructed his path, so he traded off for rubbing amazing little circles on my temples with his thumbs.

Just when the throbbing in my head started to settle down, he started talking again.

"Umm…Bella."

"Shhh."

"Uh, the sunglasses were supposed to help you open your eyes, not go back to sleep."

I ignored him.

"Bella."

"Bell-la…"

"Bella…"

"_What_?" I yelled, forcing my eyes open.

"There you are. Good morning," Edward said with a beautiful smile.

I wanted to say it was an awful, sadistic, mean smirk, but I couldn't because there no trace of schadenfreude on his beautiful face.

I blinked a few more times before I realized the position Edward was in while he continued rubbing my head. He was kneeling at next to my hip but hovering over me with his weight braced on his elbows by my shoulders.

"This would be really awkward if your thumbs weren't the only things keeping my skull from shattering into a million pieces." My eyes slid closed again.

"Bella, come on. Sit up and drink this water," Edward said as he stopped rubbing my temples and sat back on his heels.

"Fine." I sat up and scooted back to lean against the wall at the head of the bed. "But I'm not opening my eyes."

"I can live with that."

"Here are two aspirin. Alice said you were okay with aspirin. Right?"

I nodded and stuck my hand out, still not opening my eyes. Edward dropped the two pills in my hand and nudged my other with a glass.

"You should probably drink it all."

I nodded and brought the pills to my mouth, swallowing them with about half the glass of water. I rested the cool glass against my forehead.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost noon. It was the latest I could convince your best friend to leave you alone."

I looked down, noticing my pajamas. "Did Alice put me to bed last night?"

"You don't remember? We had the hottest sex ever known by man or bonobo!"

I started to laugh. "Oh god…don't make me laugh. It hurts."

"The idea of being with me makes you laugh?" He didn't even try to hide the hurt in his voice.

"Um, no. No!" I tried to explain. "I meant I know we didn't. I knew you were teasing."

"So you like the thought of being with me?"

I was sure he could see my blush, even behind the sunglasses. My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. _How could I respond to that?_ I couldn't just tell him that being with him was pretty much all I'd thought about since I walked into that restaurant.

"I meant, I know because you're too gentlemanly. And it's been a while for me, so you know I'd definitely still feel it," I babbled, gesturing large circles in front of my lower body. "If I had, you know and…:

Edward did a double take, his eyebrows raised. "How long?"

"What?"

"You said it had been a while since you…how long has it been?"

"I…it's...well…" I sputtered, hanging my head in a futile attempt to hide the blush I felt heating up my face and ears. "Wait a minute…did you say bonobos?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah, they're the 'dirty little secret' of the animal kingdom."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He was biting his lip to keep from laughing. Bonobos being the dirty little secret of the animal kingdom was an inside joke with Alice and me, so either she told him, or I did. From the cheesy grin on his face, I was betting it was me. _Oh God, what else did I share with him?_

"Oh my god! You were just fucking with me!"

"Did you just say 'fuck?'"

"Whatever."

I sat the water back on the nightstand. "I'm going back to sleep." I grabbed a pillow and flopped sideways so I was lying snuggled into the pillow.

Edward jumped on the bed and pulled me back to a sitting position. "No you don't. You need to get up. Alice has been chomping at the bit to come in here and take care of you. I can't hold her off any longer."

"Fine," I grumbled, bringing my knees back up and resting my forehead on them.

"Yes, Alice is the one who changed your clothes. She even brushed your teeth for you."

"Really?"

He nodded. "She wanted to stay the night with you, but that would mean I had to sleep in a bed with Jasper."

I lifted my head up and smiled at him. "It's a good thing you didn't; Jasper is an indiscriminant sleep snuggler."

Edward's head snapped to mine. His eyes narrowed and his eyebrows knitted together. I couldn't quite tell if he was irritated or confused. Or maybe he was jealous. "How would you know that?"

I smiled at him to ease the new tension, but his face remained unchanged. "Edward, I…I've know Jasper since kindergarten. We've co-slept camping, sharing a cheap motel room at the beach. The _three_ of us shared a room.

"Alice has been in love with him at least that long. Even if I were ever attracted to him, I'd never go after him. "

He nodded, but we fell into an awkward silence until he looked at his watch and let out a huff of air. "You'd better get ready, Alice is expecting us in fifteen minutes."

I nodded and let out my own sigh as I crawled out of bed, gathered my clothes, and ducked into the bathroom. I emerged, dressed in yoga pants and an oversized tee-shirt, because that's as good as it was going to get this morning.

Edward opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "Yes, this is what I'm wearing. And the sunglasses are staying on."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I was going to say you look nice, considering."

"Considering? You mean considering I feel like I've been dragged through a shrub backwards?"

Edward laughed and ran his hand down the back of my arm. "You look fine, really."

I gave him a tight smile and opened the door.

Alice had arranged for us to meet in the café where they were still serving the brunch buffet rather than the more formal main dining room. Although there hadn't been many, this wasn't the first hangover Alice had nursed me through. She knew I'd be underdressed and in desperate need of dry toast and coffee.

When we arrived at the café, Alice and Jasper were nowhere in sight. I was thankful when Edward suggested he'd make my plate and I could just wait at a table. I found the darkest spot, in the corner, and rested my head on my arms.

I knew my mom, even as kooky and free spirited as she was, would be mortified that I was basically lying on a table in public. But I still had that feeling of moving, and being upright did little to change that.

I chose to ignore the shuffling I heard around me until I heard Jasper greet me. "Well, if it isn't our own little Jane Goodall of the monkey fetishes."

Without raising my head, I lifted one arm to flip him off.

"Careful with that. On the Love Boat here, that's a binding offer."

I groaned into my arms. "I told him about the bonobos, didn't I?"

"Yep." I could hear the glee in his voice.

I could almost hear him grinning at me, but enduring his gloating was a small price for the silence, until he started singing _that_ song.

"Love, exciting and new  
Come Aboard. We're expecting you.  
Love, life's sweetest reward.  
Let it flow, it floats back to you."

I winced at the sound of his voice as it hammered against my skull. I wanted to leap across the table and shut him up, but it hurt too much to move.

And then there was silence; sweet, sweet silence. He must not have known the rest of the words. I silently thanked God for small mercies, but my prayer came too soon.

"The Love Boat soon will be making another run  
The Love Boat promises something for everyone  
Set a course for adventure  
Your mind on a new romance."

I swear I could hear dogs howling as his voice cracked at his exaggerated crooning of lyrics. _There weren't any dogs on this ship were there?_ My foggy brain tried to analyze what would hurt more: tackling him and stuffing a one of the fancy cloth napkins in his mouth, or listening to him sing another verse.

"Love won't hurt anymore…"

"You really suck!" I slammed my hands on the table and lifted my head to glare at him.

I saw his ear to ear smile a split second before the rows of braids on his head came into focus.

"Oh my god, I thought those were a liquor fueled dream, Bo."

"Bo?" he asked, confused. "I do have an awesome hood slide, but I think you're mixing up your eighties TV shows. Bo Duke was from the _Dukes of Hazzard_, not _The Love Boat_," he added, emphasizing Dukes.

I rolled my eyes, immediately regretting it as the pain shot though my eyeballs and I realized he probably couldn't see it behind the sunglasses anyway. "I meant Bo Derek, renob. Although, you're really more of a three than a ten."

"Whatever, you're just jealous." The beads at the ends of his braids clicked together as he dramatically tossed his head.

"Yeah. That's it," I huffed.

We both broke into laughter. It hurt, just like everything else. "Where's Alice? I need her to take care of me."

"You're going to regret that. She's been in hyper care mode ever since Edward physically carried her back to our cabin."

"He actually picked her up and carried her?"

"Yep, plopped her on the bed, pointed at her nose and told her to 'stay' like she was a puppy dog." He shook his head in disbelief at the memory. "I don't think there's any way he would have made it back across the hall without her if she hadn't been completely stunned. It was awesome."

"He did not."

Jasper nodded emphatically, "She's been bugging, but he wouldn't let her wake you up. When she saw him in the line with two plates, she mumbled something about him not knowing what to get for you, and told me I had to come check on you."

"Ha, she just doesn't trust you with the bacon plate."

He craned his neck to look for Alice in the line. "Aw man, I should have known that was a trick."

I bit back laughter at his over-grown little boy pout.

Jasper sighed, and rubbed my arm reassuringly. "Seriously, Bellissima, how are you feeling?"

"Remember that movie when they forgot the dog was tied to the bumper?"

He chuckled. "That good, huh?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "What else did I tell him?"

"What do you remember?"

"I remember ducking into a bar and ordering one of those frilly drinks and then Edward waking me up."

"Oh man." Jasper shook his head, grinning wryly.

I groaned again and put my head back down on my folded arms. "Just tell me."

Just as Jasper started to fill in the details, Edward and Alice arrived at the table.

Alice sat next to me, and I immediately laid my head on her shoulder. "Ali," I whined, "everything hurts."

She rubbed my back. "I know, Bella, but you'll be okay."

"Apparently, my cousin thinks the cure for a hangover is greasy food, lots and lots of greasy food."

I groaned at the thought of heavy foods.

"Told you," Alice sang as she picked up the plate laden with fried eggs, bacon, sausages, and hash browns and placed it in front of her husband. Jasper's eyes lit up like it was Christmas.

"Hey," Edward protested. "It works! It's cured many a hangover."

"Are you confessing you have a drinking problem, cousin?"

"Stop," I whined. "You're too loud."

Alice patted my head. "Try to eat some of the toast. And at least half this banana."

I nibbled on the corner of the dry toast. "You cut it diagonal, just like I like."

"I know," Alice assuredly, cocking her eyebrow at Edward. He huffed and shook his head.

I reached for my glass of water and noticed another glass with thick red liquid. "Tell me that's not a Bloody Mary."

Alice shrugged. "That's his." She pointed at Edward. "I stick to the tried and true water-coffee-toast-banana combo. Oh yeah," she added, digging in her bag and pulling out a couple of pills. "B6 and magnesium."

"It is," Edward said quietly, leaning closer and tapping the glass. "But it's virgin. No booze."

I shrugged and took a sip. It tasted surprisingly good, so I took another. Edward smiled triumphantly at Alice. There was some kind of competition between the two of them, but I felt too crappy to even think about it.

I tried not to look at Jasper, because every time I saw his braids, I wanted to burst out laughing and that just hurt too much. The four of us settled into a comfortable quiet as they ate their brunch and I tried to find the right balance of solid and liquids to settle my tummy.

Our plates were cleared, and we were just finishing our coffees when I thought to ask Alice what the plan was for today. I knew it was a sailing day, but I figured Alice would still have us in some activities, and I was trying to think of ways to get out of whatever she planned.

"So what is on the docket today, Alice?"

She looked startled and hemmed and hawed a bit before saying, "Um, Jasper and I are going to take The _G-Spot Class_ and then tonight is formal dinner dress."

She said "The G-Spot Class" class so fast I almost didn't catch it, but the blush that flared across her cheeks as she looked away told me that's exactly what she said. Not to mention I felt double whammied by the reminder of formal night.

"Do you want me to see if there's room in the class for you and Edward?"

I blinked rapidly. "Do I want to sit next to you and your husband in a room full of strangers and talk about the mythical…" I looked around to make sure no one was looking and dropped my voice to a whisper, "…G-spot?"

Alice looked at me expectantly.

"Uh…negatory."

Alice shrugged her shoulders while both of the boys held back laughing at me. I really wasn't in the mood to appreciate their gesture.

"Okay, I guess you two can go off and do whatever it is that you do." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Just meet me back at our cabin at five."

I looked at her confused.

"The boys can get ready in your cabin. Then we'll all go to dinner together."

"And we've been invited to the host table," she added as if it were self-explanatory.

I looked at her blankly.

"The Host's Table, it's sort of like the Captain's Table, but it also has the host of this cruise since it's basically a huge charter cruise."

"So you mean, not only do we have to dress up like we're going to freaking prom, we're going to sit with the perverted orgy king himself?" I whisper- yelled at her.

"Bella, don't be such a prude. It's an honor to be asked to sit at the Host's Table."

My mouth dropped open in shock. At the same time, a memory from yesterday of Jasper telling me he didn't think I was a prude hit me.

Jasper held up his hand in surrender, but before I could question him, Alice continued without skipping a beat, "And you two need to work on your story, so you don't get tripped up with something as simple as casual dinner conversation."

I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. What happened to hyper-care mode Alice? Who was going to tell everyone to be quiet around me?

"But Alice… I don't feel good."

"I know sweetie," she said, patting my arm. "Do you want me to skip the class? I was really looking forward to it, but…"

Great. Guilt. _I'm a crappy friend_. "No. No, go to your 'magic button' class."

Alice smiled broadly. She knew exactly what she was doing. "Okay then. We have to run. See you at five."

She got up and leaned over to hug me. She raised my sunglasses slightly to look me in the eyes, silently asking if it was really okay that she was leaving me. "I know you don't feel good. You don't look that great either. Take a nap."

A nap actually sounded really good. She kissed my cheek and rounded the table to link arms with Jasper.

Before they walked away, she added, "Don't listen to him about the greasy foods. I don't want you all poochy for the dress I brought you."

As they turned, I heard her tell Jasper, "Come on baby, let's go learn how you can rock my world."

"I already rock your world," he protested.

"Yeah but," she said before signaling him to duck his head. She whispered something. Whatever it was, Jasper was excited because he practically dragged her out of the café afterward.

* * *

Thank you so much for coming back and reading The Love Boat. I appolgize for the extra long wait.

Your snort, giggles and gafaws are my rewards for writing, and there are no words for the joy I feel when you tell me your friends, family or co-workers are looking at you like your're crazy when you laugh aloud reading TLB. But I don't know abut them unless you review. (Not so suble hint.) Pretty please? (now I'm beeging) So, what's you hangover cure?


	9. Chapter 9 Sunscreen

**The Love Boat**

Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12, Kikki007 are my sirens. Except, instead of telling sailors to jump to their deaths, they tell Edward to jump Bella. LOL

* * *

**Chapter 9 Sunscreen (BPOV)**

* * *

The walk back to the cabin was blissfully quiet, but once we were inside the room, the silence was awkward like it had been the day before.

I crawled back on the messy bed, hugged my pillow to my chest, and relaxed as the cool air from my bedside fan washed over my face.

"You turned my fan on last night."

He nodded. "You were pretty out of it. I thought you could use all the comfort you could get."

"Thank you."

Edward sat on the small couch and started reading through a stack of papers he pulled out of his laptop bag.

"You know, you don't have to sit here and babysit me. I'm fine. I'm actually feeling a lot better."

His body language kind of pulled back, as if I had offended him, but he shook whatever it was off and replied, "It's okay. I have some work stuff to read, and I explored the ship enough yesterday."

"I thought you were done working."

"I was, but there's always catch-up reading."

"Oh," I hummed absentmindedly. The quiet was only interrupted with the occasional turn of his page, but I still couldn't get back to sleep.

"Pick a number between one hundred and one twenty-five," I said quietly, sitting up slightly to see him.

"What?"

I sighed. "I heard on a radio program that if you were having trouble falling asleep, you count backwards by threes from one hundred, but after about a week, my brain memorized the number progression so I started picking random numbers to start from. But sometimes I over think which number to start from, and I can't decide. If I could use my phone, I'd have random-dot-org pick a number for me, but I don't, so I want you to be my random-dot-org."

His eyes widened with disbelief. "You're serious?"

I sat up more fully and nodded my head. I bit my lip out of nervousness, and after what felt like forever under his astonished glare, I flopped myself back onto the bed, yelling a muffled, "Never mind," from the safety of my pillow.

"No, no. It's okay. One hundred and seventeen."

I said thank you, closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started subtracting three from one hundred and seventeen.

"I give up!" I said, slapping my hands on the mattress and sitting up.

Edward smiled at me over his papers. "How far did you get?"

"Twenty-seven."

"You only had nine to go!"

"I know, but I couldn't bear to start the pattern over. It repeats every thirty numbers."

Edward was doing a piss poor job of holding his snickers in. "Go ahead and laugh at me. They do it all the time," I said rolling my hand in the air at the door to indicate Jasper and Alice. "I can't get back to sleep. I think I'm going to take my book up to the pool deck and read."

"You remember the pool decks are all clothing optional?"

"Well, I'll just opt to wear a swimsuit," I said with a shrug as I walked over to my drawer and pulled out yet another swimsuit my mom had bought me, locking myself in the bathroom to change.

I quickly undressed and put on my swimsuit, piled my hair into a high ponytail, and started to slather sunscreen on each of the eleven regions of the body according to a chart I saw on the internet. Balancing myself with one foot on the toilet, I applied cream to my leg and thigh. As my fingers brushed my inner thigh, I thought of Edward's hand massaging me there and asking if my pareo opened up completely. I tried to put the pieces together, but my mind couldn't quite grasp the thought. And I couldn't quite tell if it was a wishful daydream or a memory.

I looked in the mirror and counted off each of the eleven areas on the chart from memory. Face, chest, belly, two arms, two lower legs, and two thighs. What else was there? Every time I counted, I only came up with nine, but I was certain there were eleven.

Then it occurred to me that my back was two sections. My eyes lit up with an idea. It was trite and contrived, and Edward would see right through it, but maybe he'd play along.

I grabbed my sunscreen and tuned away from the mirror. My hand rested on the doorknob, and I took a deep breath to gather my courage before opening the door and stepping back into the room.

"Edward, could you put some of this sunscreen on my back?"

He looked up from his papers and gasped.

"My mom insisted. She said every girl needs an 'itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.'" I tugged at the miniature ruffled skirt sewn to the bottoms. It wasn't every effective since the more I pulled the skirt, the lower it sat on my hips.

Edward stared; slack jawed, it made me nervous. I couldn't tell what his reaction meant. _Did he like it? Did he think it was too revealing? _

"Umm...is it…is it too itsy bisty?" I asked, unsure.

Eyes still wide, he shook his head slowly. I smiled to myself, more confident that Edward approved. I handed him the bottle of sunscreen, and stood between his knees, facing away from him.

I heard the lotion spurt out of the bottle into Edward hands, and I wondered if he would apply enough. According to the same chart on the internet, most people didn't apply enough and it cut the duration of the protection by two thirds.

I looked over my shoulder at him. "You have to use two fingers."

His eyes shot to mine, and his eyebrows rose, silently questioning me.

I turned to face him and took his wrist in my hands, rolling his hand, palm up. Taking the bottle from his other hand, I squeezed a line of cream from the base of his index finger, to the tip; and a slightly longer line along his middle finger. "Two fingers makes it last longer."

Edward's mouth opened like he was going to say something, but nothing came out. I think I threw him a bit off kilter. I liked him a bit off kilter.

"Most people don't use enough sunscreen. If you use two fingers," I said, looking at him through my lashes, "It lasts three times as long."

I trailed the sides of his two fingers with the back of my nail, "These two fingers are how you measure the amount of sunscreen that should be used on each of the eleven zones."

A slow, sexy grin crossed his face, crinkling the corners of his eyes. His free hand reached for mine and unfurled my fingers to slide them along his own until we were palm to palm. The tips of my fingers didn't even reach the first set of creases on his, and my hand looked tiny and delicate compared to his.

The sound of his voice pulled my attention from our hands, and my eyes flew to his. My breath faltered a bit under the intensity of his gaze.

"But my fingers are much longer than yours." He wrapped the tips of his fingers over mine, holding my hand.

I knew I should say something. I should say something sexy, but my mind was a complete blank. Here was this man who I spent my entire childhood crushing over, gazing into my eyes and holding my hand, and I barely had any clothes on, and I couldn't think of a single response.

"It's a proven fact that there's no correlation between the size of a man's hands and his penis."

Edward's hand loosened around mine, and his face went blank.

"Or his feet," I added as I looked at his giant feet. But for some reason I continued, "Or his nose."

My eyes widened in shock at the words that had just spewed out of my mouth. I brought the heel of my hand to my forehead in embarrassment and shook my head. _What in the hell was that?_ "Oh god. I'm going to be shutting up now."

Edward chuckled nervously. "It's okay Belly-bean."

I pulled my hand out of his grip, and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What did you just call me?"

He looked down to the floor, his dry hand rubbing the back of his neck. "Umm..Belly-bean?" He sounded more confident when he added, "I used to call you that before, when we were kids, remember?"

"Of course I remember. You tortured me with that!"

"You liked it."

I opened my mouth to deny it, although I shouldn't have, because I really didn't want him to know, but the sparkle in his eye told me he already did.

"I told you yesterday, didn't I?"

He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"Umm…I'm going to get my books, and I'll be at the pool."

"Wait Bella, I'll go with you."

As much as I wanted to spend the day with him, I just couldn't stand the thought of showing him what a spaz I was, or of him babysitting me through my hangover.

"You don't have to babysit me. I'll be fine," I snapped as I grabbed my book and made a beeline for the door.

I didn't bother to wait for his response, although I heard, "Bella…" as the cabin door closed between us.

I made my way up to the pool deck and was pleasantly surprised to find it fairly quiet without the squeals of children running around. That was a definite plus to this cruise.

I found a lounge chair a bit out of the way and laid out a towel, settling with my book. I must have fallen asleep, because I was jarred to consciousness when I felt a heavy weight on the foot of the chaise. I opened my eyes to find a man and woman each sitting on either side of my feet. They wore matching speedos and brilliant white smiles and nothing else.

"Hi Bella," the lady said like she knew me, as she swirled a slushy, red and white frozen beverage in her hand.

"I thought you might like to try a Miami Vice since you didn't get one yesterday," she said, raising her hand to call a server over.

In no time, the waiter was back with a hurricane glass of my own. A bit hesitant, I took a small sip of the drink and was surprised by how well the strawberry, coconut, and pineapple flavors blended together. "Mmm, this is really good," I hummed, taking another larger draw.

"I knew you'd love it, Bella," she boasted. She rested her hand on the top of my foot, and I focused on it curiously because it was oddly familiar, yet it didn't really bother me. She scanned the pool deck briefly and asked, "Where's Edward?"

"Um…he's back at the cabin." Her face fell slightly before her smile returned, hiding her disappointment.

The man reached over and tenderly rubbed his partner's back. Her hand mimicked the motion on my foot and ankle. I really didn't know what to say or do. They seemed nice, and I didn't want to be rude by yanking my foot back, especially after they were considerate enough to bring me such a refreshing drink. We remained in a slightly awkward silence as I continued to drink the slushie while they stared into each other's eyes.

The man finally broke the silence, "You and Ed coming to the pajama party tonight?"

"Ummm…"

The woman pushed her sunglasses on top of her head and narrowed her eyes. "Do you even remember us?"

I shook my head and stared down at my lap in embarrassment.

"Ha, I'm not surprised. You were pretty snockered yesterday," she chuckled. "I'm Tina, you called me 'Tina loves Fuchs,' which is funny, because I really do!"

"And this is MF. When we first saw you yesterday, you were lying flat on your back on the boardwalk with your foot on Edward's chest, accusing your flip flop of tripping you." She full on laughed, and MF joined her.

"Oh god," I said, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, I…I don't really drink that often."

"Oh sweetie, it was awesome. We wanted you to come back to our cabana and party some more with us!"

"Oh god. I'm really sorry, I don't remember anything…" I trailed off and a little flash of something crossed my mind. "Pineapple juice!" I exclaimed, pointing at Tina. I glanced at MF for a moment before I blushed and looked back at Tina.

Tina was nearly doubled over laughing and MF's shoulders were shaking with laughter. Tina nodded her head wildly. "That's us."

"And Edward wouldn't let me have one of these!" I added, pointing at the hurricane glass.

"No, he wouldn't," she said shaking her head, "He didn't want you to have any fun at all. He wouldn't even let you come back to our cabana with us."

I shrugged. "Well thanks for this one, it's really good."

Tina smiled. They seemed like a fun couple.

We chatted for a bit and everything felt normal, like meeting new friends. I looked them over more closely; except for their lack of clothing, you'd never know Tina and MF were sexual deviants.

Tina noticed my appraisal of them, and I blushed yet again.

"No harm in looking, sweetie." she said, patting my foot.

I looked into her eyes and nodded. Despite her reassurance, I didn't want to be caught glancing around again. The air became awkward because not looking was as uncomfortable as looking, so I took a quick glance of Tina's bare chest.

"Oh my god…" I sat more upright, "Are those Angry Birds?" I asked pointing between the apple green pig and round red bird stickers on her boobs.

Tina threw her shoulders back and gave the girls a little wiggle. "Yep. Gotta protect the nips. I've had a sunburn there, it was awful."

"Those are so cool," I said excitedly, and they were. It was odd, because in that geeky moment, it really didn't matter that I was basically staring at her boobs.

"Yeah," MF piped in, reaching over Tina's shoulder and groping the one with the bird, "And when I'm bored, I can just fling this one at that one." He tapped the little green pig.

We both groaned. Tina's might have been more of a moan. The three of us laughed at his cheesiness as MF made joke after joke about angry birds and his wife's boobs.

Eventually Tina noticed the time on the oversized clock hanging from the deck above and excused herself and MF to their spa appointment, but not before offering to squeeze me into their couple's mud bath. I graciously declined while slurping the last of my drink.

They stood to leave. "It was nice to meet you guys…well...again."

They chuckled as they waved goodbye and said they hoped we'd attend the pajama party later.

Just as I found the place I left off in my book, a shadow blocked my sun. Even backlit, I could tell it was Bob. _What is it with this guy? It's like I have some kind of Bob magnet or something._

"Bella! Here you are without your husband again. I'm beginning to think you threw him off your balcony," he said, sitting in Tina's vacated spot next to my feet.

"That's just silly, Bob," I retorted dryly, "We have an inside cabin."

Bob guffawed, leaning over me, bracing himself on his hand next to my opposite hip. "So sassy. I like that," he added, dropping his voice.

"I like this too. So coy."He reached over and played with the ruffle that made the skirt of my bikini bottom. "You're easily the most dressed woman on this deck, and by far the sexiest," he nearly whispered, licking his bottom lip.

I felt uncomfortable with the way he was kind of caging my body before, but his tone and the way he leered gave me a definite creepy vibe. I looked around, hoping MF or Tina might be walking by, or that Alice and Jasper would be done with their class. I'd even feel better if Molly was around, but all I saw were strangers minding their own business.

I stuttered, trying to think of some way to push him off again.

"Bob."

I looked up to see Edward standing at the end of the lounger with my bottle of sunblock. His posture was stiff. He crossed his arms over his chest, and his eyebrows were furrowed deeper than I'd ever seen. He looked like the perfect jealous husband.

"There you are, Edward," Bob said nervously, almost falling off the chair as he stumbled to rise. His seemingly friendly greeting did little to hide the nervousness in his voice. His full height was inches shorter than Edward's, but neither that nor his age stopped Edward from taking another intimidating step toward him.

"Bob, this is not the first time you've cornered my wife alone. Let me make it clear, that's a definite 'no.' As most of the couples on this ship, we strictly same room swap." They stood glaring at each other for what seemed like minutes before Edward narrowed his eyes and said, "You know how this works," in an accusing tone.

My eyes scanned back and forth waiting for a move from either of them. Bob finally puffed his chest out. "Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if your wife wasn't always alone."

"Doesn't matter. Did she complain to you about being alone?" he asked, and without waiting for an answer, he continued. "No. I could tell from all the way across the deck that she was uncomfortable. How could you not see that?"

Bob didn't say anything.

"Or is that what gets you off? Is that your thing, intimidating reluctant women?"

Bob's posture shrunk back but not enough for Edward. "Where's _your_ wife, Bob?"

Without saying anything else, Bob took a step back. He started to turn, but Edward still advanced on him. "Don't accost her again."

He simply nodded and walked away.

Edward set the bottle of sunblock down on the chaise next to mine and sat on it sideways with his forearms resting on his thighs.

"That was amazing." It was freaking hot too. "You played the jealous husband perfectly!"

Edward's annoyed look turned to me. "You think…you know what, never mind," he huffed as he threw himself fully into the lounger.

I looked over at him, but he still had that irritated look on his face. I didn't know what I did wrong. I didn't do anything. I didn't say anything. I just sat there and watched them like it was a freaking ping pong match. One that Edward totally owned.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly.

Edward raised his hand dismissively, and threw his other arm over his eyes. Apparently, I wasn't allowed to talk to him yet.

"You know what? I'm tired of being here. I'm going back in," I said in a huff as I grabbed my SeaKey off the side table and marched toward the elevator. I refused to look back at our chairs as I jiggled my leg waiting for a car to arrive. It finally dinged, and I mustered up the courage to look back.

Edward was still lying there with his arm thrown over his face. I got into the elevator and headed back to the room.

* * *

**Thank you for reading! I'd love for to leave me some love (you know, via review!) I'm so needy. Please love me!**

I usually like to rec stories that have the same kind of "feel" as The Love Boat. However, I'm switching it up a bit, because I want to all to go to IndieFicPimp and read my review of The Heist by KreativeKreature. It's the New Fic of the Week: 8/6/12. I challenge you not to want to read it after that! Okay. I don't really challenge you, because I think you'll love it, so I want you to read it.


	10. Chapter 10 Swinging

**The Love Boat**

Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12 and Kikki007…I'd wear the black bracelet for any of them.

You can all thank obamama that Bella is not a hexagon with a penis. js

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**Chapter 10 Swinging (BPOV)**

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I practically ran back to the cabin and threw myself on the bed as soon as I entered the room. I didn't even change out of my swimsuit. I just snuggled into my pillow and tried not to cry. I still had no idea why Edward was mad at me.

I was so frustrated, and my headache was back, and I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up when everything was better - when Edward wasn't mad at me and when my head didn't hurt and when this boat wasn't rocking and when I didn't want to cry like a big baby.

I heard the keycard slide into the door and a bunch of stuff drop onto the couch. I tried to discreetly wipe away the few tears that had escaped without turning away from the wall I was facing.

"What the hell was that?" Edward's tone was clipped and irritated.

I shrugged my shoulders. I still had no idea what I'd done wrong.

Edward sighed. "I went up there because you ran out of here before I could put the sunblock on you, and as soon as I get there, you run away again."

He was still mad at me. I took a deep breath, trying to keep from bawling.

"I'm sorry." I said it because I was sorry I upset him but was still unsure why he was upset. I turned my face into my pillow hoping to muffle my sniffles.

"Oh my god. Are you crying now?"

I shook my head no. I was pretty sure he didn't believe me.

I heard him drop his hands to his thighs in frustration and then begin pacing. The room was small; he could only take a couple of steps before he had to turn around. I imagined him nervously running his fingers through his hair and looking a bit like a caged animal.

He finally stopped and sat on his side of the bed.

"Fuck. This is so messed up," he said, flopping his upper body down on the bed.

"Please don't cry." It was such a soft plea.

"I'm not," I sniffled.

I felt him shift, and then his arm reached out for my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to yell at you."

I wiped the tears out of my eyes again before I turned to face him. "I don't know why you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you."

"You wouldn't even look at me at the pool. I'm sorry about Bob. I'm sorry you have to keep rescuing me."

"Bella, I'm not mad at you for that. It's just…I'm…I'm still confused. One minute, everything's fine, and the next you act like this is some kind of awkward business arrangement. I didn't go off on Bob, that Mike character or Paolo or anyone else because it's part of an arrangement. I did it because I don't want anyone making you uncomfortable."

"Paolo?"

He grabbed his pillow and his position, lying on his side, mirrored mine. "Yeah, do you remember your 'new friend,' Paulo?"

I nodded. "You went off on him? What for? He was really nice."

"He served you enough rum to bathe in."

"I'm the one who kept ordering them. I think."

"Still, it made you vulnerable. What if something would have happened to you?" His hand reached me, sweeping over my cheek and tucking my hair behind my ear.

"I'm sorry," we both said again at the same time.

Chuckling, I clarified, "I'm sorry I'm confusing you. I'm a little confused too."

He nodded. "And I'm sorry for taking out my frustrations on you. And I'm sorry if I scared you at the pool."

"That didn't scare me," I said, smiling fully for the first time since Bob approached me. "It was kind of amazing. You were practically growling at him! It was…" I looked down at my lap, knowing I was blushing. "It was sexy."

"Sexy… my 'growling' was sexy? Like a sexy beast?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows.

I giggled, pushing his shoulder. "Yeah, something like that."

He gave me a cocky half nod that silently said, "I know you know."

"What was that stuff you were telling him about same room swapping? How did you know that?"

"While you were boozing it up with Paolo, I checked out some of the kiosks in the Promenade. They had all kinds of information about the 'lifestyle.'"

"Really? That seems weird."

"Not really." He shrugged. "There's like a whole culture to how this works. Sharing something so intimate has the potential to be an emotional powder keg if everyone doesn't play by a common set of rules."

I nodded. That made sense.

"Not everyone in the lifestyle is into the same thing. Just like in the 'vanilla' world, there's a whole spectrum of kinks and preferences."

"Kinks?" I asked, biting my bottom lip.

Edward's relaxed face tensed a bit. "Everyone has a kink, Bella."

"I don't have a kink."

"Yes you do. You may not know what it is yet, but you have one," he said with a wink.

I looked at him doubtfully. I was pretty much as vanilla as they came.

"I don't necessarily mean whips and chains or latex suits, but everybody has some secret, some fantasy or something that turns them on more than they're willing to admit, sometimes even to themselves."

He reached over to my side of the bed and took my hand, pulling it closer to him and resting it on the body pillow between us. His fingers intertwined with mine, barely brushing, gently squeezing them in a constant motion without ever breaking the connection.

"Trust me. Everyone has a kink. You'll find yours eventually."

My eyes focused on our hands resting on the neutral barrier. "Everyone?"

He nodded his head.

"What's your kink?" I looked up to meet his eyes. His lips pulled into a slow, knowing smile.

"Maybe one day I'll show you."

"So it's the latex suits then, huh?" I smiled back, despite being denied.

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"So…the same room thing? What does that mean?"

He took a deep breath. "This whole 'swinging' thing really hinges on communication. Just because they're swingers, doesn't mean they're bedding everything in sight. Well...most of them."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The man and woman usually have an agreement about what they will and won't do, where and with whom."

"Whom?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, Miss Smarty."

I smiled at him, noticing how his eyes danced as he continued his Swinger 101 lesson.

"Couples in, couples out is pretty much the standard for these kinds of events. That means couples play together. It cuts down on the jealousy. Sleeping with someone else without your partner's knowledge or consent is still cheating."

I nodded again. "Is that what you meant when you told Bob he knew how this worked?"

"Partially."

"There's more?"

He nodded. "Most couples, especially at an event like this, are long-term, committed couples. Most want to play in the same room with their partner whether they're doing a soft swap or full swap."

"What's the difference?"

Edward scrubbed his hand down his face, letting out a heavy breath. With another breath, he lifted off the bed. "Just a sec, let me get something."

He grabbed a paper bag off the dresser and came back to the bed. Instead of lying back down like me, he propped himself against the wall at the head of the bed.

I sat up, sitting cross-legged, facing him and pulled my shoulder blanket, which housekeeping had been nice enough to fold at the foot of the bed, around my shoulders.

Edward dumped the bag out on his lap, and thick rubber bracelets of all colors fell out. I looked at him curiously.

"I bought these at one of the kiosks in the Promenade," he said as he started to line them up according to the pamphlet in his hand. It looked like there were two of each color and maybe ten different colors.

"I bought these because I thought they might help us avoid some misunderstandings with our fellow cruisers."

"Why are there so many?"

"I didn't know which one you'd want to wear. I'll wear whatever you do."

"Which color says, 'I got on this boat by accident?'"

Edward threw his head back and laughed. "I'm not sure they have a color for that."

I looked at the neat row of bands he had. "So where do we start, white or light blue?"

"White, we should definitely start with white," he chuckled.

He picked up one of the white ones.

"White is for 'novice.' It generally means that a person is interested in the lifestyle but maybe not ready to play yet. It also says, 'Seasoned swingers are encouraged to act as gentle ambassadors. Please provide the information they seek without actively enlisting them.'"

"That sounds promising."

Edward picked up the purple one next. "This one is for voyeurs and exhibitionists - those who like to watch or be watched in the act. According to the lady at the kiosk, it's a rare breed that are strictly 'VoyEx,' but there are some. It's mostly couples who like to add that into their play."

"Pink is 'soft swap' - couples who enjoy sexual interactions with others, which may include oral, or…um…manual stimulation, but not…uh…"

"Making love?" It was odd to see a normally composed Edward stumble over the specifics.

"Actually," he said, looking into his lap. "Making love is an intimate act reserved for couples. Intercourse during play is meeting a sexual need but not an intimate one."

Edward looked into my eyes and my heart sped up a little when I noticed his blush. We had spoken about all sorts of things, and even though I had been in a near constant state of embarrassed blush, it was the first time I had seen his cheeks tinged so pink. It was the intimacy rather than the act that caused his reaction, and I wanted to crawl over the pillow and snuggle him for it.

"So, no actual P-I-V sex?" I asked, trying to clarify.

His head tilted. "P-I-V?"

I palmed my forehead and covered my eyes, certain I was an even deeper pink than him. Without looking up from my folded legs I mumbled, "P-I-V is penis in vagina." I was so embarrassed, the words jumbled together. I secretly prayed they were clear enough that I didn't have to repeat them.

"What?"

"Penis in vagina," I said slower, but still in a hushed whisper.

"Huh?"

I took a deep breath, "Penis. In. Vagina."

I heard him gasp, and I wanted to curl into a ball and throw my shoulder blanket over my head. I heard it again, but it sounded more like a snicker than a gasp. My eyes shot open, and I saw him practically turning blue trying not to laugh.

As soon as he saw my eyes, he burst into raucous laughter.

My hands balled into tight fists. "You heard me the first time!"

He nodded emphatically, and wheezed out between laughter, "And I already knew what it meant!"

I lunged at him. "You jerk!"

I slapped his shoulder once, twice, before I lost my balance and fell on top of him. His arms circled my bare waist, holding me in place. I jiggled with the vibrations of his belly laughs.

I couldn't help but smile and laugh back at his amused face. His smile spread across his entire face, crinkling his eyes.

I sat back on my heels, straddling his legs. The energy between us was crisp, almost palpable.

"I'm sorry for jumping on you."

"You've been trying to jump me since you saw me in the restaurant."

"Pfft," I uttered, smacking his shoulder again.

He caught my wrist and pulled me closer to his chest; my knees inched up, resting on the outsides of his hips.

"Bella…" he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear. "If you're not interested in me, you have to tell me."

I nodded, and Edward chuckled dryly.

My brow furrowed in confusion and I tilted my head, silently asking for an explanation.

"That, right there," he said, his finger circling in front of my face. "You nodded."

I nodded again and he shook his head. "See, I don't know if that meant, 'yes you're interested' or 'yes, you're not interested.'"

"Oh."

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

I bit my lip. I didn't know why it was so hard to admit that I wanted him. Maybe because it was hard for me to believe he was interested in me. In that moment, I knew he was, but I _knew_ Jake was into me too. I was so certain he loved me, I was ready to build a life with him, and the entire time, I didn't have the right equipment for him.

Edward's thumb tenderly stroked my cheek, and his eyes searched mine. My eyes flitted from his intense gaze to his pursed lips. The mossy green of his irises deepened to near pitch black at the edges, framed between thick, sweeping lashes that were so beautiful. Even set under, or maybe because they were set under, his ridiculously thick brows, they were pretty yet virile. My eyes followed his smooth, perfect nose to his pouty lips. I wanted him to kiss me so badly. _Why wouldn't he just kiss me? _ I knew why. He was asking me, begging me to tell him I wanted him, to make my move. But I couldn't. That little crazy voice in my head was still telling me I was misreading him, the way I had misread Jake.

The tension was too much for me to take, and I pulled myself from his lap to sit back on my side of the bed. He sighed deeply and tossed his head back, staring at the ceiling and shaking his head slightly.

I broke the awkward silence, picking up a dark blue bracelet. "What does this one mean?"

Edward took a deep breath, picking the pamphlet back up. "The dark blue, it means first level of full swap."

"'Full swap' is everything, even P-I-V?"

He nodded. "According to the lady, first level was their biggest seller on the ship, and what most couples here are looking for. It's the "same room swap" I was talking about with Bob. Both partners agree on the other set of partners and all activity happens in the same room, in full view of their partner."

"I don't get it, Edward. Why do these people do this? Why pretend to be committed to one person and still sleep around?"

"I know it's hard to understand. I don't think it's something I would ever do either, but the people in this lifestyle see a clear distinction between the sexual gratification they get with other people and the intimacy they share as a couple."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess."

I waved my hands over the remaining bracelets. "So… the rest of these?"

"They're mostly variations of a full swap…"

He picked up the dark green band. "Second level swap means the partners don't have to stay in the same room but do need to stay on the premises."

"We're on a ship. It's pretty hard to go 'off premises.'"

"Sure, when we're cruising, but nothing says playtime stops when we hit a port of call."

I winced, thinking of the naked snorkeling.

Edward continued. Yellow and red meant essentially the same - full swap, partners do not have to remain on the premises, but the yellow meant they'd keep up and may be interested in a longer term friendship; red meant that they weren't.

I shook my head in disbelief. I could almost understand the difference between intimacy and sex for the other bands, but why would anyone be willing to let their husband go off and do god knows what with some other woman?

I picked up the three remaining bands. "What are these? I mean how much worse can it get?"

"Black - anything goes, anyone, anywhere, at any time."

"Light blue - bisexual."

"Light green means the wearer chooses not to say how they like to play."

"Why even wear one then? And better yet, why did you buy them all? Thinking about wearing this one?" I asked, twirling the black on my finger.

Edward laughed and raised his eyebrow. "Only if that's the one you're wearing."

I played along, gulping exaggeratedly, as I scooped all except the white ones back into the bag. "I'll take white so I don't upset your delicate sensibilities."

"Much appreciated," he chuckled, playing along too. "Truthfully, I wasn't sure which of the 'lighter' bracelets to buy and if you're buying three or four to choose from, it's just cheaper to buy the whole set."

I got up from the bed to put the bag back on the dresser and pulled a bottle of water from the mini fridge.

"How's your headache, by the way?"

"You know, now that you mention it, I think it's gone."

"Good. Do you think we could go back to talking about…" Edward's request was interrupted by Alice's distinctive knocks. I can't say I wasn't relieved.

Edward's shoulders dropped in disappointment; he took a deep breath and opened the door. "Cousin," he greeted.

Alice flew through the opening, and I thought she was going to jump on me until she stopped abruptly right in front of me. She put her hand on my shoulders and jumped up and down excitedly. "Oh my god Bella, guess what!"

I shrugged my shoulders, and moved the bottle of water in my hand for a drink.

"I'm a squirter!" Alice squealed excitedly.

Nothing in this world would have prepared me for hearing those words from my best friend. If I had any inkling she'd say something like that, I wouldn't have taken that last sip of water, the one that flew out of my mouth and sprayed her face.

"Oh my god Alice, I'm so sorry, I was just…I…you shocked me!"

"Looky there Al, Bella's a squirter too!" Jasper doubled over, slapping his knee.

I narrowed my eyes to glare at him. Edward handed me a towel to offer Alice.

"I really am sorry," I said, patting her face dry.

"I don't even care," she said with a huge smile, "You know why? Because the G-spot is real, and I had a G-spot orgasm, and I fucking _squirted_!" Alice jumped again as she shouted about her climax.

I was still completely stunned. I looked at the boys, and Edward looked equally mortified, but Jasper looked more like the proudest peacock at the zoo.

"Would you please stop saying…" I dropped my voice to a whisper, "squirt?"

She shrugged one shoulder and slowly blinked her eyes. "Maybe."

"Please," Edward added. "You're like a little sister to me. I don't want to hear about that."

"Fine," Alice said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me toward the door. "We have to get ready anyway. Jasper, I brought your tux over earlier. We're going to be in our cabin."

As she pulled me through the door, she stuck her head back in our cabin and warned Jasper. "Braids out."

"But baby," he whined. "Didn't I earn it in class?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She dropped my hand and went to him, putting her hand tenderly on his cheek. "You did so good baby, but if you want to do it again, you'll take those braids out. I've been trying not to say anything all afternoon, but your hair is just too fine. It's popping all over the place, and you look like a deranged hedgehog."

Jasper blinked at his wife. Unfazed, Alice kissed one cheek and patted the other. "Love you. Pick us up at seven."

She reached for my wrist again as she passed by me and dragged me across the hall and to her cabin.

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**Thank you for reading! A review would be better than falling in Edward's lap…okay, a close second. ;) If you tell me which color band you'd wear on this cruise, I'll tell you mine. ;)**

**Speaking of reviews…FIVE FREAKING HUNDRED! TLB has 500 reviews! I never imagined anything I wrote would get 500 freaking reviews! I've been practically jumpy clapping in my seat since I noticed it was getting close the other day. Thank every single one of you who've ever made my day by leaving a review! Seriously, THANK YOU! And now…CONFETTI!**


	11. Chapter 11 Kings

**The Love Boat**

I'd want Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12 and Kikki007 at the host table with me. And they all deserve big ol' corsages, they kind the covers the entire bodies of their dresses, so that it looks like they're top naked under those flowers. ;)

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**Chapter 11 Kings (EPOV)**

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"Dude, that was awesome," Jasper said excitedly.

I nodded my agreement, still toweling off my head as we made our way back to the cabin. The surf simulator was a great way to waste a couple of hours while the girls got ready for dinner.

"You know, I think that guy may have been hitting on me."

Joham, who was working the Flow Rider that day too, busted out his smoothest moves on Jasper, and Jasper was his perfect laid back, gracious self. I almost thought he was oblivious to Joham's advances. At some point, I think Joham realized Jasper was a lost cause too, and he actually amped up his suggestive double entendre, winking at me every time Jasper seemed not to catch on.

"I don't know man, maybe that's just part of his culture," I said, slapping Jasper on the back.

"Yeah, maybe. I definitely think English is not his native language."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, did you notice how he kept saying 'hinge' instead of 'pivot,' or 'rotate,' or even 'turn'?"

I tried like hell to hold back my laughter.

We still had about an hour to get ready when we got back to the room. Jasper won roshambo for first shower, so I settled on the couch and started flipping though channels.

"Dude, I need help," Jasper called from the bathroom.

"Pass."

_What the hell was Jasper thinking?_ Guys did not help each other in the bathroom. That's how you end up waking up in a pool of your own puke the morning after a frat party.

"Seriously man," Jasper whined.

"Do you want me to get Alice? Or maybe Joham? I'll bet he'd help you."

"Fuck you, man." Jasper popped his head out of the bathroom, thankfully still wearing his board shorts. "It's these braids. I can't get the damn rubber bands untangled from my hair."

"Asking me to help with your rubbers isn't that compelling."

"Damn it Edward. Alice is going to kick my ass if I don't get these out."

"So?" I shrugged.

Jasper glared at me for a moment before his eyes narrowed.

"If Alice kicks me out of our cabin tonight, I'm sleeping here." When I didn't react, he added, "On the bed."

I continued to flip though the channels, ignoring him.

"Alice can't sleep alone. That means she'll take Bella with her. That leaves you and me."

I still didn't respond.

"I snuggle."

"So I've heard." I set the remote down and looked at Jasper for a moment, pondering if I should call his bluff.

"Bella can't sleep in your room. Her fan is here." Sure I'd won, I picked the remote back up and recommenced my channel surfing.

Jasper's hearty guffaws drew my attention back to him. His victorious grin confused me.

"Those girls have been having sleepovers since they were six years old. They didn't stop after high school. They didn't stop after we got married. Alice can have her shit moved to our cabin in five minutes flat."

I looked at him, stunned. His 'gotcha' smile told me it was true. _Prick_.

Taking a deep breath, I agreed. "Fine, but I'm not going in the bathroom with you. You sit out here."

Jasper sat in the desk chair, and I lifted one of his braids to examine it. I slid the bead up and tried to pull at the clear elastic band. Little fringes of hair were tangled all around the band.

Jasper cringed and yelped with every pull. Just when I would get part of the band loose, he'd jerk his head away and I'd lose my grasp on the damn thing.

"Stop squirming!"

"It hurts, man!"

"I need scissors."

"What?!" Jasper shrieked, putting his hands protectively over the rows of braids. "Dude, you can't cut my hair. I pay a lot of money to have it cut so it's cool, yet professionally acceptable."

I didn't intend to cut his hair; I wanted to try and cut the elastics out, but it was too much fun watching him panic.

"How metrosexual of you."

"Fuck you, dude. You're the one who waltzed up here from Miami in a silk Versace shirt."

"And you knew it was Versace."

"Come on, Ed, you can't cut my hair," Jasper whined.

I couldn't make him suffer anymore. "Relax. I just think we need to cut the rubber bands."

I didn't actually have a pair of scissors with me. I thought of looking through Bella's toiletries case, but it felt wrong, so I settled for a pair of nail clippers. A couple of minutes of clipping and the elastics were removed. I had found a rhythm of pulling the small braids loose, bit by bit, with the pointy end of the comb.

Released from the tight braids, Jasper's hair retained the bumpy texture, which left it twice its normal size, but the random hairs that had worked themselves out on their own stuck out straight as a pin in all directions.

"I'm almost done, hold still," I warned.

Jasper froze in place, as if his entire head would re-braid if it moved at all.

I grabbed my phone, and pulled up the camera as quickly as possible. I got two shots before he caught on and jumped up.

"Not cool, man."

"That's going on facebook, as soon as we hit free wifi," I laughed over his complaints.

By the time I got out of the shower, Jasper was completely dressed except for this jacket and tie.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" I asked, gawking at the light yellow shirt he was wearing.

"Uh, it's formal night. I'm wearing a tux-e-do."

"It has ruffles."

"I know, aren't they awesome?" he said, smoothing his hand down the yellow with black stitching ruffles from his neck to his waistband.

"Does Alice know?"

"Yep, she bought it for me. She bought a whole shitload of old crap. I mean 'vintage.'" Jasper chuckled, air-quoting vintage.

"She even said I don't have to wear a cummerbund or vest on account it would be a shame to hide these babies."

Even after suiting up, we still had twenty minutes until it was time to pick up the girls.

"Do you want to do your tie, and we can pick the girls up early?" I asked.

Jasper looked at me as if I were crazy. "Uh-no. Alice said seven o'clock. Not twenty till. We'll pick them up at seven on the dot."

I blinked a couple of times and looked at him practically sitting on his hands - just waiting.

"Are you serious? How whipped are you?" I asked.

"Whipped?" he asked incredulously. "You don't understand," he continued. "Getting ready is like a ritual to them. If we go over there early and they're not ready, it throws them all off. Then we might not get out of there until nine thirty. That's a lot more waiting."

I nodded. I guessed he made sense.

"I thought you'd been in relationships before. You should know this."

"I have. I do. I'm just not usually this nervous." I wrung my hands.

"You two still aren't over that?"

"I don't know Jazz, one minute we are, one minute we're back at square one." I wiped my hand down my slacks.

"It's like one minute she's straddling my lap in that fucking tiny bikini, and I'm sure she wants me to flip her over and…" I let the thought drift away when I noticed Jasper's eyebrows furrow angrily.

"And the next minute, it's like I'm a fifteen year old virgin waiting to pick up his prom date."

"Shit." My face shot to Jasper's as I wondered if I should bring Bella flowers for 'formal night.' "Were we supposed to get corsages for them or something?"

"Naw, after senior prom you never have to buy another one," Jasper said definitively, lifting his feet to rest on Bella's trunk.

"That doesn't sound right." I glanced at my watch "We've got fifteen minutes. I'm going to check with the florist."

Jasper waved me off and returned his attention to whatever he was watching on the TV.

I jogged down to the elevator and to the florist, glad I hadn't thought to grab my jacket. The florist confirmed that they typically only did corsages for weddings but offered to make one for me if I'd like. I still wasn't sure.

On one hand, I didn't want to embarrass her if no one else was wearing a corsage. On the other, I really wanted to bring her flowers. The florist suggested a compromise and put together a small bouquet of flowers that she tied together that Bella could pin to her dress or could just be carried.

I made it back to the cabin just in time to grab my jacket and meet the girls across the hall. When Jasper saw the bouquet, he rolled his eyes.

"Dude, you have to show me up?"

I shrugged my shoulders. He could have come to the florist with me.

Jasper raised his hand to knock, and I debated whether to fold the flowers in front of me or behind my back, physically moving them back and forth as I vacillated.

"You really are like a fifteen year old virgin, aren't you?"

"Shut up," I ground out just as Alice opened the door.

She looked pretty, all made up in a short green dress, but I really wanted to see Bella. As I stepped into the room, Alice squealed when she saw the flowers.

She turned to Jasper expectantly. "Where are my flowers?"

"Baby…" he started to say.

"Whatever," Alice interrupted, holding her hand up and rolling her eyes. Jasper glared at me on his way to face his wife. "He's just trying to get in her pants," he mumbled as he bent down for a kiss, wrapping his arms around her.

"And you're not trying to get in mine?" she whispered at the corner of his mouth.

His arms slipped lower, pulling her to him. "Always."

Alice grinned wickedly. "Then you should have brought me flowers." She patted his shoulder playfully as she wiggled out of his grasp.

Jasper sat down on the bed with a sigh and looked at me. "I hate you, dude."

I knew he was teasing, and I laughed at him while looking around the room. It must have been obvious I was looking for Bella, because Alice said, "She's still in the bathroom."

I nodded silently, trying to recover any cool I could. Alice smiled warmly before she moved to tie Jasper's bowtie.

"You don't know how to do that, do you?" I taunted.

He shrugged, causing Alice to slap his shoulder down and pull his chin higher for better access.

"I don't need to know how," he said, looking at me sideways as Alice looped the silk ends of the tie around themselves. "I have this beautiful woman to do it for me."

I rolled my eyes, but Alice seemed to fall for it, and she agreed with a quick peck.

The click of a doorknob pulled my attention to the bathroom doorway as Bella stepped out.

She was stunning.

Her hair was twisted and twirled and piled at the nape of her neck with delicate little braids and soft tendrils falling along the long column of her neck. Bella didn't usually wear a lot of makeup, or at least I didn't think she did, but the heavy, darker colors made her eyes look even larger and more dramatic.

The gold glitter of her top dipped right between her beautiful breasts. I wanted to rest my cheek against them. The fitted top flared with her hips, and the pink see-through-y skirt went past her knees but wasn't quite to her ankles. For the first time, I had an inkling how salacious it was in older times to see a lady's ankle, because just the tease of skin was incredibly sexy.

Jasper cleared his throat, and I realized I'd been standing there for who knows how long, staring at her.

"You're beautiful," I said quietly, earning an immediate blush from the angel in front of me.

"I mean you always look beautiful, but tonight…you're beyond, it's almost ethereal."

"Ethereal?" Jasper chortled. Alice shushed him, but Jasper continued, "Hun…no, no way I'm letting that pass. He said ethereal. That's what, like an angel, right? I mean 'ethereal?' Are you even sure you're a dude, Edward?"

He was right. What kind of a guy says something like ethereal?

"Jasper," Alice snapped, stomping her foot. "Stop being a jerk. You're embarrassing both of them."

"Sorry," he conceded like a petulant child.

Bella and I both chuckled at their interaction, which provided some much needed tension relief.

"But you do look gorgeous."

"Thanks. You don't clean up so bad yourself, Cullen," she said with a wink.

"You just winked at me."

"Yeah, I learned that from an 'I can get anything I want charm school' ace I know."

"Oh really," I said confidently. I stared into her eyes. "And what do you want?"

She wet her bottom lip and cocked an eyebrow at me. Her gaze met mine, and her lips parted to respond, but Jasper interrupted, "Don't forget to give her your flowers, Prom King."

"Prom King?" Her brows furrowed as she looked from Alice to Jasper and back to Alice.

Alice held up her hands in surrender. "I didn't say anything."

Bella looked back at me, and I awkwardly held up the small bouquet. "It's called a nosegay. The lady at the flower shop said that back in the day these were 'gift' bouquets that could also be worn."

"That's very sweet, Edward," she said. "I'd love to wear this." She took the flowers and went to Alice, asking for her assistance pinning them to her dress. "No offense," she called over her shoulder, "but I learned never to let a guy pin a corsage on you at my first formal." She and Alice giggled quietly.

When she turned around, the nosegay was pinned to the waist of her dress. "It's too heavy for here," she explained, holding her hand over her chest.

"It looks lovely. Sort of like a classic movie star."

Jasper scoffed, but Bella smiled brightly. "Thank you. Actually, this is a vintage fifties dress," she said, swishing her hands around the skirt. "Your cousin said she saw it and immediately thought of me. I guess pink and floofy makes her think of me."

"That skirt is dusty rose!" Alice defended. "And I didn't even make you wear the crinoline."

I turned my shoulder away from Alice and stage-whispered to Bella, "What's a crinoline?"

She giggled. "It's um…a petticoat. I looked like a flipping bell when I tried it on. It was hilarious!"

"Ahh," I said, offering my arm. "Shall we go?"

"Oh yes, the orgy king awaits."

The maître d' showed us to our seats at the Host's table. We were the last four to arrive at the elegantly set table for eleven. All of the gentlemen at the table rose as we pulled out the girls' chairs. I noticed that asshole who called Bella my pet was at the table too. I gave him a sharp look to remind him of my earlier warning, and he nodded in understanding.

The clinking of a fork on a water goblet broke through the din of our arrival and drew our attention to the far end of the table. The balding, white haired man in a nautical themed tux stood. "Gathered friends, I hope you are enjoying your voyage on the Pearl of the Caribbean. I am Captain Gavin McLeod, humble steward of this glorious vessel."

I glanced to my left at Bella to see her reaction to the verbose greeting. She appeared as the image of poise, but I saw the amused twinkle in her eye and knew she was on the verge of giggles.

"On an occasion such as this sailing, I am honored to share hosting duties with the most excellent purveyors of Swinging on a Star Travel and Events, Mister and Misses Swinger." The captain continued with a flourish of his hand toward our end of the table.

Bella gasped almost inaudibly and nudged my foot with her own. Her raised eyebrow asked if I believed that was really their name. I shrugged only enough for Bella to understand that I didn't have a clue. It was definitely odd that the organizers of a swingers' event would be named Swinger also.

"No need for such formality, friend," said the middle aged man sitting on the other side of Bella. He looked around the table. "Please everyone, call me Carlisle. This magnificent creature is my wife, Esme."

She looked down demurely and blushed as he stroked her cheek with the back of his index finger.

Bella leaned into me and raised her chin to bring her lips to my ear. I rested my arm on the back of her chair to give her better access.

"They're so sweet," she whispered.

I looked in her eyes for any sign of sarcasm or acrimony, but there was none. She was sincerely charmed by the couple's affection, and I was once again charmed by her. I felt the compelling need to touch her, to physically connect with her, in order to show my agreement. I lightly stoked her bare shoulder with my thumb.

"We've been in the lifestyle since long before the days of message boards and forums, when something like this," Carlisle gestured around the room, "would have been impossible to orchestrate. It's one of the reasons we started this side venture - to give people like us the freedom to be who we are."

A sommelier approached the table, presenting the evening's selections and answering our questions as he and his waiter poured for the table. I was a bit surprised when Bella asked for the red wine.

"I thought you were never drinking again," I whispered, playfully.

She shrugged her shoulders before bringing her lips back to my ear. "When in Rome."

"Careful, those Romans were a kinky bunch." I looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Good point," she agreed. "But I kind of threw the whole 'never drinking again' thing out window when I had that Miami Vice by the pool. And then there was the mini I chugged in Alice's bathroom."

"What?" I said, a bit louder than I intended. I looked around, but luckily, everyone was still engaged in their own conversations. "I'm sorry, you just surprised me."

"I was nervous," she defended, picking at her skirt a bit.

"Hey," I said, squeezing her shoulder just enough to get her attention and waiting for her to look me in the eye. "It's okay."

She smiled politely, but it wasn't a real smile.

"What are you nervous about? This dinner?"

Bella glanced across the table at Alice, and back to me. "Yeah. The dinner."

"Don't be. You look stunning, and I promise I won't leave your side." I wanted to assure her she was safe from letches like Bob and Mike. More than that though, I didn't want anyone else even talking to her, because that would take her attention from me.

"Now that we all have our drinks, why don't we go around the table and introduce ourselves?" Carlisle suggested, turning to the left. "Why don't we start with you, Marcus."

Marcus looked like one of those people who pretended to be a vampire full-time that the local news always digs up around Halloween. His shoulder length, jet-black hair did little to belie his advanced age. He seemed to startle out of a half sleep when Carlisle called his name.

"Oh yes. I am, as you say, Marcus," he said in a low, drawn out timbre, bowing stiffly. "This sexy little minx is my companion…" he stalled, slowly turning his head toward her. His brows furrowed as he patted his hand on her arm gently. "This is my companion-"

The blonde next to him had huge eyes that made her look like an odd doll of some sort. She appeared much younger than Marcus. I might have guessed she was his granddaughter or even great -granddaughter if she wasn't hanging on his arm. Or if she wasn't showing off her obvious boob job with a ridiculously tight, shiny silver dress that looked like it was made out of one of those emergency camping blankets.

She rolled her eyes. "Jane, remember Marcus, Jane," she whined, shaking her head.

Bella and I looked at each other, trying to hold back our snickers. As the table was enthralled with Marcus's story of being in the lifestyle since it was free love and was just life and no style at all, Bella whispered in my ear again. "He didn't even remember her name. Do you think she's his nurse?"

"I'm sure they play 'nurse,' but I think she might be a pro."

Bella's eyes widened. "You think so?"

I nodded.

"But…but the rule book said…"

"Why do you think they have that rule? Obviously it's happened before."

"Marcus, the geezer-skeezer?"

Alice's excited voice broke through the invisible veil of our private conversation.

"Hi. We're Alice and Jasper Whitlock. I'm Alice, he's Jasper," she said with a giggle. Her head tilted and she looked toward Carlisle. "Are we supposed to give last names? Because Marcus and Jane didn't, but you did, which is totally ironic by the way; your last name is Swinger, and you run a Swingers cruise."

"It's up to you, dear," Esme said sweetly.

"And it's really not that ironic. Swinger is our professional name," Carlisle added. "Although the lifestyle has made remarkable progress toward mainstream acceptance, I still worry. As a physician, one judgmental patient with the right connections could ruin my practice."

"You're a doctor?"

"Oh yes. As glamorous as the lifestyle is, I haven't found a way to make a living on my back yet," Carlisle said with a chuckle, glancing at an oblivious Jane.

I looked at Bella for confirmation; she hadn't missed the innuendo either.

"Although, Emse here is a fabulous interior designer and has picked up a client or two under our professional name designing play rooms and such," Carlisle bragged.

"Carlisle, darling, you are too sweet." Esme blushed.

"It's all true, dear. You are very talented, and I am quite proud of you." He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

I glanced at Bella, who was beaming watching the pair of them.

"Fear of the lifestyle being 'outed' to real life friends, family, and colleagues is very real," Carlisle added. "A recent survey among lifestylers reported the top two professions were teachers and police officers - both positions of public trust."

"Bella is a teacher!" Alice said excitedly, pointing at Bella.

"So is her mom," Jasper snickered. "And her dad is a cop."

Bella grimaced and turned bright red. I rubbed her shoulder, although I wasn't sure that did much to get the image out of her mind.

"Wonder if they 'swang' back in the day?" Jasper asked as if he were actually expecting Bella to answer.

Bella looked up at him, perturbed. "Maybe. Maybe that's why they got divorced," she shot back at him.

"It is quite possible," Marcus said. "This lifestyle can either strengthen your relationship, like Carlisle and Esme or destroy it. Didyme here is my seventh wife." He patted Jane's arm affectionately.

"I'm Jane," she growled behind gritted teeth.

He looked up, startled. "Of course you are."

"You know, the four of you," she motioned to Alice and Jasper and then Bella and I, "have been quite the talk of the ship. Are you in a permanent relationship, or do you just play regularly?"

Jasper chuffed, but Alice quickly responded, "Good god no. Edward is my cousin!"

"Wouldn't be the first kissing cousins," Mike threw in, earning four sets of annoyed eyebrows.

"And Bella is like my sister. Jasper's too," Alice said, shaking her head. "No…just, no."

I smiled at her reaction, even though I agreed one hundred and ten percent. Except the thing about seeing Bella as a sister part. I definitely was not seeing her as a sister.

"Cousins?" Esme asked surprised. "You don't see extended family doing this kind of thing together very often. Who brought who in? Did you discover swapping together? I mean separately, together, of course."

"Um…my boss?" Alice answered hesitantly. "She gave us this cruise."

"Your boss?" Esme nearly shrieked.

"Yeah, I guess she's not so worried about being outed to her colleagues," Jasper said dryly.

"I wonder if we know them. Are they actually in the lifestyle?" Carlisle asked.

Alice shrugged. "I'm not sure. Her name is Irina Vasilii, and her husband's name is Laurent."

Carlisle sighed disappointedly and shook his head. "He's such an embarrassment to the lifestyle."

Alice and Jasper looked at him confused. "There's this YouTube video of him at Hedo II. Have you seen it?" Esme asked.

They shook their heads, and she continued, "He's poolside in a cheetah-print speedo, booty popping."

"He's just a rippin' and tearin', rippin' and tearin'," Carlisle added, rolling his eyes.

"Oh my god, I've seen that!" Bella looked excitedly at Alice. "That's your boss's husband? Ew!" Bella's giggles lasted as person after person chimed in on the infamous video.

I shook my head. Bella whispered in my ear, "And I was worried about our 'story.'" Her quiet giggle tickled my ear and sent shivers elsewhere. I really needed her to say she was "in."

The appetizers were delivered, and as soon as the wait staff cleared the table, Mike introduced his sleazy self. My arm tightened around Bella, almost subconsciously, needing her to feel more protected. As he engaged the table with the story of their awesomeness, his wife, Jessica, leaned slightly toward me and put her hand on my thigh.

Bella looked at me briefly before looking at Jessica's hand on my thigh and back to me with an irritated scowl. She reached over and roughly knocked her hand off my leg. Jessica shot her a dirty look, and Bella raised an eyebrow. "Did I tell you you could touch my husband?" she said lowly, in a more menacing tone than I'd ever thought possible from the sweet kindergarten teacher.

Jessica straightened up and started to participate in her husband's overblown diatribe.

I lowered my lips to Bella's ear. "That was so fucking awesome."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her begin blinking rapidly.

I pulled her closer and brought my mouth lower so that it brushed her ear as I said, "That was the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen."

I wasn't sure if it was a gasp or a moan or something in -between, but the sound Bella made as she nestled closer to my side went straight to my dick. I wanted to pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, and run until we made it back to the cabin or the Boom Boom Room, or hell, anywhere.

"Hey, Romeo." Jasper's voice brought me back into the room. "Stop making out with your wife. It's your turn."

"Aw, Jasper. Leave them alone," Esme admonished teasingly. "They're newlyweds!" She turned to Carlisle. "Remember when we couldn't take our hands off each other?"

"I do, indeed."

"You guys are still like that," Bella said. "It's very sweet." Both ladies blushed.

"So, how did you two meet?" Esme asked.

"We kind of grew up together," Bella said, but her voice was soft, almost unsure.

"Oh boy, high school sweethearts?" Esme asked excitedly.

"Not quite. That was them," Bella pointed at Alice and Jasper. "They've been together since middle school."

"Really?" she asked Alice.

Alice nodded. "But Bella did have a crush on Edward when we were in high school." Alice smiled brightly, and Bella took a huge gulp of wine.

"I was three years ahead of them in school. I didn't know she had a crush on me then," I defended. "When I left for college, Bella was still practically a little girl."

"He was so mean to me then." She shook her head playfully. "All I wanted was for him to blow off the cheerleaders at his table and tell them I was his one and only. Instead, he made me ride wearing a box on my head when he drove me home from school," she said, looking around to the table, obviously trying to get them on her side.

"One time! The car was full!" I laughed with the rest of the table.

"That's not all," she said, leaning over the table like she was going to tell a secret. "When he'd hang out at Alice's house, he'd yell through the house for me from the family room. I'd get all excited and jump up, pinching my cheeks to make them brighter and fluffing my hair up. Every time, I was sure he was going to ask me out. I'd run down the stairs and across the house and when I got there, he'd say, 'never mind.'" She let out an exaggerated gasp. "Not just once either, he did it all the time."

"Okay," I laughed. "I may have enjoyed doing that to her more than once. She came running across the house every time. It was hilarious. But, I honestly did not know she had a crush on me. Of course, in hindsight, I should have realized she couldn't resist my animal magnetism."

"I think someone had a crush on you too, Bella," Esme teased.

I blushed. I really wished I had known. I wished I'd had a crush on her too.

"Aw, Eddie," Bella said, cupping my cheek with her hand. "Is this the part where you tell me you had a crush on me the whole time too?"

I looked deep into her beautiful brown eyes, willing her to believe the truth I was about to tell her. "No, this is the part where I tell you I only ever saw the girl back home as an annoying, knobby kneed bookworm, but the woman that walked into the restaurant that day took my breath away and hasn't given it back since."

I heard sighs from the women around the table, but their reaction didn't matter.

Bella stared into my eyes, searching. In that moment, everything seemed to stop; the gentle sway of the ship, the clamor of the dining room, the conversation at the table, it all ceased.

I needed her to see, to understand that when I said she took my breath away the moment she walked into the restaurant, that I meant the day before yesterday, when she first walked into that sea-themed restaurant on the dock; not some imaginary place in a far away time conjured up to support our fake marriage.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it for a second longer, her eyes softened and her cheeks rose with the corners of her mouth. Bella's smile spread across her entire face, and her eyes seemed to dance. My own smile broadened, and my heart began to beat again.

Jasper's voice brought us back to the reality that we were sharing this moment with nine other people at the table. "Smooth, bro. Smooth."

Bella blushed yet again, looking to her lap as the table tittered. I pulled her hand into my own and held it under the table.

"That right there is why everyone on this ship wants to play with you all," Esme said authoritatively. "They want to be a part of that. That connection between you two. It's quite palpable."

"You know, I think that's exactly it, darling," Carlisle added. "You're spot on as usual."

The entrees arrived, and the table conversations thankfully shifted away from Bella and me being the center of attention. But at some point between dinner and dessert, Bella and I had both agreed to attend the pajama party later that evening.

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**Thank you for reading.**

I can't even think of anything funny or witty to say because I'm just looking forward to the pajama party I get to write now. So, um...leave a review? Pretty please?


	12. Chapter 12 Pajamas

**The Love Boat**

The usual suspects: Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12 and Kikki007

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**Chapter 12 Pajamas (EPOV)**

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Alice had barely stepped into the room before she told Bella her pajamas were unacceptable. "You're not wearing that."

Bella looked down at the oversized sweatshirt and leggings she was wearing. "It's a pajama party. I sleep in this. Sometimes."

"Exactly," Alice said. "It's a _pajama_ party, not a _my boyfriend dumped me, pass the pint of Ben and Jerry's_ party."

"That's mean." Bella crossed her arms over her chest. "It's not a _trashy lingerie_ party either." She waved her hand at Alice who was wearing a tiny little pink, see-through, frilly thing. It was way too short. You could even see her panties. I was considering calling Uncle Alistair so he'd make her change.

"A, this is a pajama party on a swinger's cruise, so I beg to differ," Alice simpered.

Bella shook her head in disagreement.

"And B, this is not trashy!"

"It's see through!"

"Only this little part." Alice lifted the sheer material covering her stomach. "This covers more of me than my swim suit does."

"But we aren't going swimming! Is Jasper okay with you going to a dance club like this? Where is he anyway?"

"He went to get a cone from one of those soft serve machines that are all over the ship," Alice said dismissively before adding, "You know Jasper can't tell me what to wear."

Bella still stood with her arms crossed. "But Ali…"

Alice interrupted her. "And he said he was fine as long as I changed out of the thong, which I did." Alice twirled around and lifted the back of her top to reveal her ass, which was indeed covered. I still didn't think Uncle Alistair would approve.

Right on cue, Jasper knocked on the cabin door.

I opened the door to see him standing there, holding a half-eaten ice cream cone and wearing black silk pajamas with a dark red smoking jacket. I smiled at his playboy get up, moving aside to let him enter.

Bella looked at him and then me and back to him and rolled her eyes. "The part of Jasper Whitlock will be played by Hugh Hefner tonight."

She spun and flopped down on the bed, staring straight at the ceiling. "You guys are having too much fun with this."

"No— you're not having enough. Come on, this is our vacation; we're supposed to have fun. Live a little."

Bella sat up on her elbows and sighed. "I'm not wearing some barely-there lingerie."

"Well, you can't wear that," Alice told her. "Besides, it's a party in the night club. You'll get too hot."

"Then I don't have anything to wear. I'm not going." Bella reached for her pillow and buried her face in it. It was a familiar move.

"Sure you do." Alice moved toward the dresser and started rummaging through the drawers. "What about this camisole?" Alice held up some shiny blue material.

"That's a slip," Bella said flatly.

"Okay, how about this slip? It's a pretty color, and it has these interesting lace cutouts below the bust line so you'd be covered."

She pulled Bella to a standing position and pressed the straps of the slip into Bella's shoulders, looking down at the length. "See, it even goes almost to your knees! It's perfect!"

"Fine." Bella snatched the slip from Alice and stomped to the bathroom.

I turned to my cousin who was smiling triumphantly. "Why do you have to bully her all the time?"

Alice's eyebrows pinched together and she stared.

"The ice cream made my hand sticky," Jasper announced, seemingly out of nowhere. "I'm going to wash them in our cabin, you know since Bella's in the bathroom here. Yeah," Jasper mumbled, as he made his way to the door.

Alice shook her head at her husband's retreating form before turning back to me. "I do not bully her!"

"Yes, you do. Why couldn't you just let her wear what she was comfortable in?"

"She'd get too hot. And she'd look out of place! How many people do you think are going to be at that pajama party covered head to toe? "

"So this is about how she'll look? How that reflects on you?"

Alice drew back, clearly surprised I'd call her out on her behavior. Her lips pursed, and her eyes narrowed as she looked at me and shook her head again. "How do you think she's going to feel over dressed?"

I hadn't thought of that.

"She'll feel awkward and probably start freaking herself out. Then she'll end up coming back here to hide and not have any fun."

"Oh. Still, can't you be kinder? Not as brash?" I asked.

"Is that your approach with Bella?" she asked with an arched eyebrow. "How's that working for you?"

I didn't know what to say. _What could I say?_ Because in truth, it wasn't working out at all. Even after clearing up the issue of my sexuality and my interest in her, Bella was still running hot and cold.

"You have to be more direct with her or she'll over think everything to the point where she doesn't know what to do," she warned. Her face turned more serious. "Direct doesn't mean run roughshod over her though. There's a fine line, mister."

"And that earlier wasn't over the line?"

"No. I would never make Bella do something she didn't actually want to do."

"I'm sure you believe that."

Alice interrupted me, "She wants to go to the pajama party. Otherwise, she would have said no. And I didn't force her into a revealing nightie, although, I'm sure you wouldn't mind." Alice smirked, daring me to disagree. I really couldn't.

"Just like I didn't force her to come to the amazing G-spot class with me."

"Okay, I get it."

Our conversation stopped abruptly when Bella walked out of the bathroom. "Sorry I took so long. I decided to take my hair down, too."

I noticed Alice smile at me from the corner of my eye as I looked at Bella. Her hair fell in waves across her nearly bare shoulders, and the light blue slip hugged the contours of her body like it was made for her.

"You look beautiful," I said.

Bella blushed. "You always say that."

"It's always true." I winked at her, and she rewarded me with a dazzling smile.

"You do look lovely, Bella." Alice smiled proudly.

"Thank you, Alice. But this doesn't quite go down to my knee." Bella tugged at the hem of her slip that fell mid-thigh. When she did, the neckline dipped even lower. "Do you think I should wear a pair of shorts under it?"

"No!" Alice said, with way more exuberance than necessary. "You'll see the line of the waist band. It's not too short, is it?"

"I guess it's okay." Bella shrugged.

"I have a kimono robe with birds that exact color of blue. Do you want to borrow it?" Alice offered.

"That would be great, just let me grab my shoes…stay there, Alice." Bella pointed a finger at her, causing Alice to stop her advance on the closet. "You're not picking them out. I'm wearing my regular, plain ballet flats." Bella slipped on her shoes, then pointed at the pink feathery bands on Alice's feet, half muttering, "I didn't even know they still made high heel bedroom slippers."

"Fine." Alice fake pouted. "Let me go get the kimono and Jasper out of hiding, and we can go, okay?" Alice walked out the door and across the hall.

I offered my arm to Bella. "Shall we?"

"We shall." Bella giggled, sliding her arm in mine. "You know, I never got to tell you, I like your pj's. You look really good in a v-neck." Her finger grazed one side of my collar.

Flirty Bella was back, and I wondered if it was because of the wine at dinner. I looked into her eyes before I let mine drop down to the tops of her breasts that were nicely framed by the lace of her slip. I smiled and slowly looked up at her. "You look good in a v-neck too."

Hef and his bunny emerged from their cabin, and Alice handed Bella the robe before taking Jasper's arm and leading the way to the dance club.

We heard and felt the pumping beat of the club's music before we actually reached the entrance. With every pajama-clad partier we passed on the way, Bella pulled her robe a bit tighter. After circling the club a couple of times, Alice signaled that she'd found a booth.

The girls slid in, and Jasper and I took the outsides. Bella was clearly uncomfortable, and I realized that my body blocking her exit was probably the only thing that kept her from bolting.

The other partiers were in all states of dress, but mostly undress, including one dude wearing nothing but a knitted dick cozy over his junk. Bella noticed too and immediately jerked her head to stare at the table. When we first discovered what kind of cruise we were on, Alice implied that Bella didn't have much experience, but seeing her reaction to the bawdy behavior around us made some of her earlier reactions make more sense. Bella's ingénue act wasn't an act. It was real.

The waitress brought out the first round of drinks, and about half way through, Bella's posture relaxed and she started to participate in the fun, joking conversation at the table.

As Bella became a bit more comfortable, she started looking around the club more and more, although she still avoided the less covered patrons. Bella jumped a little in her seat as she saw the Fuchs. "Tina," she yelled over the music. "Tina! MF! Over here." Bella waved wildly.

The couple came to our table dressed in a pair of pajamas. A single pair - between the two of them. Tina was wearing the top and MF the bottoms.

"Alice, this is Tina and MF. They're the ones who introduced me to Miami Vices!" she said over the table. "I just had another one, and so did Alice; she loves them now, too."

Alice nodded, taking a long sip through her straw for emphasis.

"It's not the only vice we'd like to introduce you to," MF said, waggling his eyebrows. Or eyebrow, because it was just kind of one. I wanted to jump up and rip it off his face, but Bella's laugh was so honest and sweet, and I just wanted to hear more of it, so I let the fucker slide.

"I like your pajamas," Bella told them. "What are those? Balls?" Bella asked pointing to the print of their shared pj set.

"Bingo balls!" Tina said. "I love to play bingo, but do you know what the best part of these pajamas is?"

Bella shook her head.

Tina drew her finger down MF's hairy chest, over the waistband of the pants and tapped on the yellow bingo ball right over his crotch. "Oh-sixty-nine."

Bella smiled. "You know what's funny about that?" Bella asked sincerely. "Sixty-nine is a euphemism for…" Her eyes widened, and then she shook her head at herself. The rest of us were trying our damnedest not to snicker at her. "That's what you meant, huh?"

Tina nodded, and yelled, "Bingo!"

The six of us burst into laughter, then settled into fun chatter. Something caught Tina's eye, and I followed her line of sight to a woman wearing a ridiculously tight baseball t-shirt that barely hit the tops of her thighs and knee-high tube socks with the color stripes. When Tina caught her eye, she raised her hand to wave and showed the entire club she wasn't wearing pants or panties underneath her shirt either.

"We hate to run off like this, but we have a play date with the Baris," Tina explained.

"You mean She and He Bari?" Alice asked excitedly.

"Yeah, that's them."

"We're taking their 'Learning the Ropes' class tomorrow!" Alice indicated to herself and Jasper.

I remembered the "Learning the Ropes: Introduction to Shibari" from the list of classes in the brochure. More information I didn't want about my baby cousin.

Bella's head tilted a bit. "Is that a class for the rock climbing wall? I thought you already did that. Aren't you beyond an introductory class?"

Jasper laughed and shook his head. "This is all you, baby. I'm not touching this one," he said, tilting his chin at Alice.

Alice scowled at him before turning back to Bella. "You know those pictures you see of a pretty row of red rope knots going down a person's back or around their torso?"

Bella shook her head no.

"It's an intro to shibari class."

Bella still looked at her blankly. "What's shibari?"

Alice sighed and looked up at the ceiling before letting her breath out and responding so quickly, it sounded like one word. "Japanese rope bondage."

Bella turned to me, "It's loud in here. Did Alice just tell me she and Jasper are taking a bondage class?"

I nodded.

"I need another drink," she said swirling around her empty hurricane glass.

By the second round, Bella had forgotten all about Alice's rope class. She whispered in my ear, "It's hot in here," and took off her robe. I was sort of mesmerized by the skin of her shoulder and was dying to press my lips to it. By the time my third beer arrived, I was pretty close to letting go of any propriety and just doing it. With every drink, Bella scooted closer and closer to me until our legs were fully pressed together.

Bella's hand absentmindedly dropped to my thigh. At least I was pretty sure it was absentmindedly, because she started playing with the inside seam of my pajama pants, and when I mentioned in her ear what it was doing to me, she started to jerk her hand back. I grabbed it mid-flight and rested it back on my leg. "Leave it."

The flashing lights from the dance floor reflected in her eyes as she considered my request. The sides of her sweet mouth slowly pulled up, and I recognized it as my sign. Never breaking my gaze from hers, I dipped my head and gently rubbed my lips to the soft skin of her shoulder. Her eyes slid closed as I pulled back before going back for more.

"Amanda! Demetri! Over here!" Alice waved furiously at a couple across the dance floor, calling them to our booth. The couple recognized her, nodded and made their way to the table. Alice practically vibrated in her seat.

"Miss Alice and Mister Jasper, how nice to see you again," the woman said with a sweet, southern twang.

"Amanda, Demetri," Alice waved her hand in front of the couple, "This is my cousin, Edward and his wife, Bella." Alice winked at us as she beamed the word "wife." Alice scooted closer to Bella so Jasper could make room on the bench for the couple.

Demetri sat half in the booth so there was enough room for his wife to perch on his lap, wrapping one arm around her hips and making no qualms about sticking his other meaty hand inside the top of his wife's lacy, blue teddy. Bella's posture stiffened and she held her head high, focused on Amanda's pretty face and angular hair cut. I could tell she was trying not to look at Demetri groping his wife's tit, but her eyes kept wandering back.

"How did you meet Demetri and Amanda, Alice? Were you looking for the only other person on this ship as short as you?" I asked, giving them both a friendly smile so they'd know I was joking.

Demetri laughed boisterously. "They are both 'fun sized' aren't they," he said, squeezing his wife and offering Alice a licentious once over.

"They taught my class this afternoon! They're the Squirtsperts."

Bella's eyes went as wide as saucers, and she opened her mouth to speak a couple of times, but no sound came out.

"You were our star pupil, Alice. You and Jasper's perfect, pussy-pumping forearms," Amanda said, unabashed. She turned to us, almost in a teaching mode to explain, "Coaxing a female ejaculation can be very tiring, a nice strong forearm is practically required."

"Looks like all that time at the rock gym finally paid off." Alice rubbed Jasper's arm. Bella studied my arm for a moment and quickly looked away when she realized I noticed her comparing my forearm to the other men's at the table.

"You, my dear, have the most peaceful cum face I've ever seen." Demetri's eyes bore into Alice's, causing her to blush.

"You know, I think this is about all of this conversation I can handle, baby cousin," I said, emphasizing the _baby cousin_. I slid out of the booth and asked Bella if she'd like to escape to the dance floor.

"God, yes." Bella took my hand and stood from the bench.

The drinks had loosened Bella up, and she danced with abandon, lifting her arms above her head and wildly swaying her hips. I felt Bella's body slide beneath the silky material of her slip as she spun to face me or away from me as the music urged her.

We danced for three or four songs, and I had to give more than one couple the evil eye or lift Bella's wrist to show off our white "virgin" wristbands to stop their advancing.

"I think I'm ready for another drink," Bella yelled in my ear over the music.

I glanced at the table and noticed the Squirtsperts seemed to be gone and nodded at Bella. "It looks like the coast is clear now."

We started back to the table, and Bella suddenly stopped and tugged my arm to get my attention. "I want to request a song." She pointed at the DJ booth. "I'll meet you back at the table?"

I looked at the booth and back at the table. Clear line of sight and the booth wasn't that far away. I nodded and headed for the table.

Before I could even sit down, Alice asked where Bella was. I pointed at the DJ booth, and she seemed to relax.

I slid into my spot. "Where'd your friends go?"

"Networking," Alice shrugged. "This is as much business as it is pleasure for them."

I guess I hadn't ever thought of that. I ordered another round and Bella made it back to the table before the drinks did. I stood to let her into the booth.

"Can you believe the DJ's are identical triplets?" Bella asked.

Alice looked over her shoulder. "No way. They're way different heights."

"It's true. And really rare. The odds of identical triplets is like one to two hundred million." Bella nodded her head. "They're different heights because of their shoes."

Alice looked back at the booth and then back to Bella, tilting her head in confusion.

"Okay, so the one on the end, that's Max. She's wearing these killer boots. You know, the ones you like with the red soles?"

"Louboutins?" Alice asked in awe.

Bella shrugged. "And the 'tall' one in the middle is Mo. She's wearing roller blades. It doesn't seem safe to be wearing skates on a moving vehicle, does it?"

Alice was completely enthralled with the trio and kept looking between them and Bella.

"And the one on the end is just wearing converse. She's Little Mac."

Max looked up from her soundboard and gave Bella thumbs up. We looked at her curiously.

Bella smiled widely with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. She leaned forward and looked Jasper in the eye. "They downloaded a song for you."

As the song faded, an older tune with a heavy horn started. Alice squealed and clapper her hands, and Jasper laughed, shaking his head.

"This is like Jasper's theme song," Bella said with a playful lilt.

I looked at the three of them confused.

"Just a sec." Alice pointed to the speakers. "Listen."

_He wears tan shoes with pink shoelaces  
A polka dot vest and man, oh, man  
Tan shoes with pink shoelaces  
And a big Panama with a purple hat band_

Jasper's smile grew as the singer continued. He reached over Alice and took Bella's hand. "Just for that, missy, you're dancing with me!"

I expected Bella to protest, but she happily scooted out of the booth and followed Jasper as a woman started singing about her guy named Dooly.

I looked at Alice for an explanation.

"Jasper has to dress in suits for work all the time. On the weekends and vacations, he likes to express himself more. Bella likes to tease him about it."

I started laughing, and Alice joined in.

"It's their 'thing.' I think he's been wearing those damn black dress socks to tease her as much as me."

I watched the dance floor as Jasper spun and twirled Bella. They were good. Really good. "They're amazing."

Alice nodded. "Jasper lost a bet…" I started to ask how, but Alice cut me off. "Trust me; you don't want to know how."

"Okay."

"Anyway, his payout on the bet was ballroom dancing lessons. Bella thought they sounded fun, and Jake was more than willing. We thought it was something fun the four of us could do together, like bowling, you know?"

"Please tell me Jasper wears a leotard to class."

"You want to see my husband in a leotard?"

"No."

"Anyway, every week, I had to drag Jasper to the studio, but Jake was excited for each class. He's the main reason we kept going after the first six week class."

"And that wasn't a clue he was gay?" I asked.

"Not for Bella. I always suspected something was up, but Jasper told me I was just looking for issues that weren't there because I never thought he was good enough for Bella. Which was true. He wasn't."

"So… is anyone good enough for Bella?"

Alice tilted her head and looked me up and down. "Maybe."

"Do you guys still take lessons? She's still friends with him, right?"

"Yes to the friends, though I don't know why. No to the dance lessons. The man she caught Jake with was our dance instructor."

"She caught them?"

"Yep, walked in on them doing…well I'm not exactly sure, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't the jitterbug."

I winced. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but especially not on someone as sweet as Bella. Even just as a friend, how could he do that to her?

Alice looked at me seriously, her sincerity evident on her face. "It totally blindsided her. She had no clue he was gay or that he was cheating on her. It's been seven months, and you're the first person she's shown any interest in. Just let her come around. "

"I don't want to be her rebound."

"Then don't be." Alice looked at me pointedly. "But don't mess with her head either."

"Why do you and Jasper keep warning me about that? You know, Alice, on one hand, it seems like this whole thing is an elaborate blind date set up by you," I said as I pointed at her. "And you keep pushing us together like an old matchmaker, but in the next breath, you're warning me to back off like I'm some man-whore."

Alice shrugged. "Your reputation precedes you. The family talks, you know."

"What? Is that what she thinks about me, too?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Alice looked into her drink, thoughtfully. "She's probably been around when my mom and your mom have talked about you. You know Aunt Liz worries about you not settling down."

I groaned. "She asks me every time she calls if I've found 'the one' yet."

"I know." Alice laughed. "And, just so you know, your mom loves Bella to pieces."

"See, I knew this was a set up!" I pointed at her again.

"Nope, kismet," Alice said with authority.

The song ended and Jasper and Bella came back panting. Bella slid into the booth and patted her hand on her chest, still breathing heavily.

"You were amazing out there," I linked my fingers in hers on top of the table.

"Really?" She smiled brightly and blushed.

I nodded because it was the absolute truth. "Stunning."

We ordered another round, and I looked at the completely relaxed facial expressions of the three of them. It was obvious none of us were feeling any pain.

Jasper picked up Alice's hand and brought it to his lips. "If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold against me?"

I totally expected Alice to laugh at him or deliver some smart ass retort. But without skipping a beat, she replied, "If I swore you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight?"

She was in Jasper's arms before she even made it out of the booth, and he held her all the way to the dance floor.

"Are they for real?" I asked Bella. "That wasn't even the song that was playing!"

"I know. They're sweet, right?" She rested her chin in her hand and watched them with a far off expression.

I played with her fingers while we watched them for a bit. The couples had been pairing…well, quadrupling off, and the dance floor was less crowded than before. "You want to dance some more?"

Bella smiled shyly and nodded.

On the dance floor, my hands roamed up and down the sides of Bella's slip, watching for signs of hesitation. This would be so much easier if she had just answered the damn question earlier. But there was no hesitation in her face as my arms wrapped around her body and pulled her closer. I tentatively stroked her back with just my fingertip, and Bella's heavy lidded eyes locked on mine and a wicked smile crossed her face.

She rose up on her tiptoes, stretching her neck upwards, and I dipped my head, bringing my ear to her lips. My fingertips reached even lower and toyed with the hem of her slip.

I felt her wet her lips against my ear. She took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, then whispered, "I like the way your body feels against mine."

I wrapped my hands around the back of her legs under her slip and pulled her closer, my fingertip pressing into her inner thighs. My head lowered to her ear. "Like this?"

She moaned as her arms dropped, and her hands clutched the material of my pajama bottoms at my hips, pressing herself even closer as we swayed to the music.

Her bare shoulders still teased me, still begged to be kissed, so I pressed my lips to her collarbone.

She slipped her hand underneath my t-shirt, and her fingers slid along the column of my spine, leaving a searing trail.

My kisses moved across her shoulder, to her neck, her breathy moans spurring me to pull her even closer. "I want you so fucking bad."

Bella pulled back to look at me. Everything stopped in that moment. I couldn't tell if it lasted seconds or minutes or hours, but I was certain I couldn't breathe, and my heart stilled in my chest. Her eyes never left mine, and I saw the words on her lips before the sound made it to my ears.

"Then take me."

My hands moved to the sides of her face, holding her, reveling in her brilliant smile and the sparkle in her eyes. Bella's hand slipped higher on my back, splaying out just below my shoulder blade. Her other hand followed my arm, across my chest to wrap around the back of my neck.

Our lips touched, testing, before I pulled her top lip between mine. Her fingers played with the hair at my neckline and urged me to take more. I tilted my head, fully covering her mouth, inhaling her sweet strawberry and coconut scent from the Miami Vices still on her breath.

My tongue pushed between her soft lips and slid against hers, her mouth opening even more to mine as she moaned and gripped my hair tighter. My hands squeezed her ass, pulling her to me, pressing her harder to my hips, unconsciously grinding against her, seeking relief.

My eyes squeezed shut, and I felt my eyebrows pinch together. Bella's arm tightened at my back, holding her chest closer to mine, and as the sensations grew, her kisses turned sweet and gentle before pulling back to swallow my shallow gasps and groans, her own breath raspy.

A sudden moment of clarity hit me. I was grinding against Bella, her skirt lifted and my hands on her bare ass under her panties for everyone to see in the middle of the dance floor.

I moved my hands to her waist, over her slip and rested my forehead on hers. I inhaled deeply, wanting to have that moment when it didn't matter where we were, back. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"Oh." She refused to look at me. "You're sorry you kissed me?"

"What? Fuck no. I'm sorry that I did that _here_, in front of all these people."

"Oh," she said with a beautiful smile.

"Do you want to go back to the room?"

Bella nodded. "We should probably tell Alice first."

"She'll figure it out," I said with a wink. I took her hand and led her out of the club.

* * *

So...they kissed. How was it?

Thank you for reading. Reviews are better than Edward feeling you up on the dance floor. Okay, maybe a close second.

Also, this last chapter, I was was a bad, baaaad author and didn't do my review replies. :( I'll do better this time.


	13. Chapter 13 Hiccups

**The Love Boat**

Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12 and Kikki007 all have staterooms named after them. The really nice ones. With full-size spa tubs. And sex swings.

* * *

**Chapter 13 (BPOV)**

* * *

I woke up pinned under Edward's heavy arm. For a moment, I reveled in the security of the weight. I remembered Amanda's forearm theory as I played with the hairs on his arm. I smiled as he pulled me closer, his low hum almost sounded like a contented purr, but then I remembered: his arm wasn't around me in an embrace, rather it was holding me in place.

I flung his arm off me. Edward rolled from his side to his back without waking. I moved to sit against the wall and pulled my knees up to rest my forehead on them. Where did everything go wrong?

I turned my head to stare at him. Why did he have to be so beautiful? I wanted to touch him, to reach out and run my fingers over his perfect lips. I wanted them pressed against me again. It wasn't fair for him to be so pretty and to make me think he wanted me, and then refuse me.

My eyes drifted to his chest. If I squinted, I could almost see the contours and definition through his tee shirt. The vee of his neckline teased me with stray chest hairs peeking out. I had never found chest hair attractive before last night. Not that it mattered anymore.

I sighed louder than I should have, studying the way the hem of his tee-shirt rode up, exposing the trail of hair that pointed lower.

Oh my god. I couldn't believe what I saw next. That— it's just— it was like rubbing in how much he didn't want me. I had to get out of there.

I threw on the first dress I could find in my closet and rushed out of the cabin, grabbing my SeaKey on the way. I was at the elevator before I realized that in my rush, I'd forgotten my shoes. There was no way I was going back.

I wandered aimlessly until I remembered the coffee shop where Alice and I had gone the day before yesterday. Just like that first day, the place was deserted.

I ordered a drink and patiently waited for it before settling on a couch in the far back corner and curling into the arm. It probably wasn't necessary to sit so far back, but I needed to clear my head and figure out just exactly what'd happened.

I was more confused than ever, even more confused than when I thought Edward was gay. I thought things were finally progressing. I decided to stop doubting myself, to stop doubting Edward's attraction. I must have missed something because somewhere along the way, everything had gone to hell.

_Last night in the club, I was certain he wanted me. He said he wanted me. He couldn't keep his hands or his lips or his body off me. Even in the elevator lobby, as I leaned with by back against his chest, his hands glided over the smooth satin of my slip, his fingers stroking __my __hipbone._

_I closed my eyes and remembered how he spun me around and pressed me to the wall of the elevator as soon as the doors closed and we were alone. He lifted me to wrap my legs around his waist, and his teeth grazed my shoulder. His chest pressed into me, holding me to the wall and his gruff voice whispered in my ear, "Touch me."_

_I pulled the hairs at the nape of his neck. "I am touching you."_

_He lifted his head from __my__ neck and stared into my eyes. "Here," he said as he pulled one of my hands from his shoulders and placed it on the bulge between us._

_Oh. "Like this?" I rubbed him through his pants. "Or do you do you want my hand inside?"_

"_I don't— I don't fucking care," he growled, pushing his pelvis into mine, trapping my hand between us. "Just— just fucking harder. More."_

_I wrapped my hand around him and squeezed as hard as I could as I ran my hand up and down his length. The back of my hand brushed against my sensitive center, sending slight thrills through my body._

_Edward pressed harder into my hand, and my hand pressed harder into me. He grunted into my neck in the same rhythm my hand stroked him__, clinging__ to one shoulder and __panting__ into the other._

_I felt the elevator change direction. "Are we going back up?"_

"_Fuck. We missed our floor." Edward reached over to the panel and slapped at the six button._

_I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder and raking my hand through his hair. "I guess we were distracted."_

_Edward backed off the wall and set my feet back on the floor before leaning back into me. He pulled my hand from his crotch and brought it to his mouth, kissing my palm. "This hand— Jesus Fucking Christ— this hand is magic."_

_I had no response to that. My brain was clouded with lust and booze and Edward. The elevator chimed, saving me from the blankness of my mind._

"_Thank God," Edward said, grabbing my hand and pulling me from the elevator car and practically dragging me back to our cabin._

_Edward opened the door__ to our room,__ and it hadn't even closed before he reached for his t-shirt at the back of his neck and pulled it off in one fluid, sexy as hell motion._

_I turned to watch and he stood in place, dropping his pajama pants and stepping out of them and his shoes at the same time._

_I couldn't tear my eyes away from a nearly naked Edward._

_I felt him staring at me, but I still couldn't look away from the sparse hair of his chest, or the denser trail of hair that pointed to Edward's obvious excitement, poorly hidden behind his thin boxer-briefs. The thought that I had just held that in my hands in the elevator made me blush._

_Edward chuckled. "See something you like?"_

"_Ever since the first time I saw you in your lifeguard shorts back in high school." _Shit. I didn't mean to admit that.

_His eyes bore into mine. Their intensity startled me a little, and when he took a step toward me, I stepped back. I wasn't afraid of him, rather seeing him advance excited me, and I wanted more of it. The back of my legs hit the bed, and I fell onto my back. Edward quickly climbed on the bed, pulling me to the middle by my waist._

_Before I even knew what__ had__ happened, he was kneeling between my legs and hovering over me. My heart was already pounding when he settled his hands on each side of my face. "I want you so fucking bad. I've wanted you since the moment you walked into that restaurant," he growled._

_I gasped in shock at his admission, and he took the opportunity to cover my mouth, his tongue rougher and more demanding than before. His kiss literally took my breath away, and my head swam with wooziness. I'd never been kissed woozy before. Edward pulled back. I could feel my pulse in my lips, and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest._

"There you are." Alice's voice startled me from my thoughts. She tapped frantically on her phone and set it on the table in front of us as she curled into the opposite arm of the coffee house sofa.

"Texting Jasper?" I asked. She nodded. "That's going to cost you a fortune. Both phones, too."

"I know." She looked at me pointedly. "You're paying us back when we get home. Edward's phone, too."

I rolled my eyes. There was no way she'd follow through on that threat. She constantly threatened to bill for one thing or another.

"Really, Bella, why did you just take off like that?"

I shrugged. "I needed time to think."

"Edward was really worried about you."

"Pfft...I'm sure he wasn't."

"He really was. As soon he realized you weren't with me, he went to the library. When you weren't there either, he asked us to help look for you. This ship is really big."

"Well it's a good thing I didn't go there then, huh?"

"So you _are_ hiding from him."

"No. Yes. I don't know. Maybe?"

Alice looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I couldn't face him again. I couldn't take the look of pity in his eyes or bear to be rejected again."

"Bullshit."

"What?" I asked incredulously.

Alice crossed her arms over her chest. "There's no way he rejected you. I saw him last night at the party. I saw him this morning when he couldn't find you."

Did she seriously think I was making this up? "Alice, he did. I practically threw myself at him and he said he didn't want me." I bit my lip to keep it from trembling.

Alice shook her head "no" in disbelief.

"I think I should know. I was there!"

"No way. I just— there's just no possible way."

"It shouldn't surprise you. I'm hardly his type. It never made sense for him to be into me in the first place."

"Whatever. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you do this 'poor Bella' thing again. Grow up."

"Grow up? Grow up? I was practically naked under him last night and he said 'No.'"

"No?"

"He's spent the last two days coming on to me, and when I finally decide to jump, he freaking wouldn't put out."

Alice giggled. "Did you just complain my cousin wouldn't 'put out' for you?"

I giggled too, despite myself. "Shut up, this is serious." I kicked at her.

Alice lifted her hand to hide her mouth. "I'm not laughing, really," she said, but I could still see her shoulders shimmy and a twinkle in her eyes.

I rolled my eyes. "Alice," I whined. "Something happened last night. He changed his mind. He doesn't want me."

"What the hell happened? Because he was all over you at the club."

"I know. And I know he was— excited. I could feel his— you know," I said quietly, despite the fact we were the only two in the coffee shop.

Alice tilted her head. "His what?"

"Ugh, you know!"

She shook her head and fluttered her eyelashes with an innocence she didn't really possess.

"Al—lice!"

"Bell—la!"

"Fine. His penis. I felt his erection."

"Penis? Erection? Wow, how fifth grade sex-ed of you."

My jaw dropped open. "Guh, you're a bitch. His dick, I felt his dick! Are you happy?"

"Yes! But more importantly, Edward was obviously happy." She waggled her eyebrows.

"You'd think, huh? But nope. After he shot me down and then forced me to sleep with him, he had the nerve to wake up with another boner."

"Boner?" Alice raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what do you mean, 'made you sleep with him?'"

That sounded worse than I meant. "Not like that, Alice!" I shook my head. "It was all innocent. He just held me on the bed so I couldn't move."

"Held you on the bed?"

"I might have been trying to go sleep in the tub."

"Our cabins don't have tubs."

"Yeah, I know that...now. But last night when I was ticked because Edward wouldn't— you know, I went to sleep in the tub. I forgot there wasn't one, so I curled up in the shower."

"Bella, that's just nasty." She wrinkled her nose.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." I shrugged. "I was going to sleep on the sofa, but Edward asked me how much dead skin and dust mite poop I thought was on it, and you know, he had a point."

Alice chuckled and smiled that smile she always gave me when she was humoring my crazy.

"I'm never sitting on that thing again."

"Still. The shower floor?"

I shrugged again. "I was a little drunk. And a lot mad."

Alice looked at me blankly with a mild look of disgust.

"Anyway, Edward came in and picked me up off the floor and carried me into the room and just tossed me on the bed like a ragdoll!"

"Oh, this is getting good." Alice's eyes brightened.

"Ha, I wish. He crawled over me, and when I tried to get back out of bed, he threw his giant, heavy arm over my waist and wouldn't let me up!"

"How many times did you try to get up?"

"I don't know, but his arm was still over me when I woke up this morning." Alice opened her mouth like she was going to say something, but nothing came out. Before she could gather her thoughts, I quickly added, "And then he was having some—" I dropped my voice, "sex fantasy this morning."

Alice's eyes got big. "Sex fantasy? How do you know? What did he do?"

"When I woke up, he was still asleep and his you-know-what was at attention.'"

"And?"

"And what?"

"Did he say anything? Was he moaning?"

I shook my head. "I told you, he was still sleeping. He was completely still."

"Completely still? And not making any sounds?"

I nodded.

Alice laughed. "Sweetie, that wasn't a sex fantasy, it was morning wood."

"Morning wood?"

She nodded. "Jasper wakes up hard every day. He's like that until he goes to the bathroom. Didn't Jake?"

I thought about it for a moment and shrugged. "He had that thing; he didn't like to stay over. Remember?"

Alice's cheeks flushed and she grimaced slightly. "Sorry. I shouldn't have brought him up."

"It's okay." I sighed. "I'm not going to fall apart when I hear his name."

She scooted over to sit next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder. "I know."

I tilted my head to rest on hers, and we sat like that in silence for a few moments before Alice spoke up. "I think I'm missing something. What happened last night before you decided to sleep in the shower?"

"I told you, I don't know. One minute he was all over me, the next it was like he couldn't even stand to touch me!"

"Well, we all saw your little show in the club. It was hot as fuck. What happened after that?"

I blushed at the thought of Alice and Jasper and everyone else on the ship seeing me make out with Edward on the dance floor and looked at my fingers in my lap to avoid facing Alice.

"I um...gave him half a handy in the elevator," I admitted quietly.

"Half a handy?" Alice asked confused.

"The door opened!"

Her expression turned to amusement. "Really? A hand job?"

"He asked for it!"

Alice chuckled. She feigned an exaggerated machismo, dropping her voice as deep as it would go and smirking as she bobbed her head. "Hey baby, jerk me off in the elevator."

I bumped her shoulder with mine. "Shut up. It wasn't like that!"

She snorted and giggled at the same time.

"Okay, it was kind of like that." I smiled as I felt her shoulders shake with even more laughter.

"Love in an elevator, getting it up when I'm going down," Alice sang.

"Oh god. Why are we friends?"

"Because you love me." She bumped her shoulder into mine.

"I do. But that's not going to stop me from pointing out those aren't the right lyrics. It's _living it up while I'm going down_."

"Whatever," she said, lifting one shoulder and grinning widely. "I like it better my way."

"Me too." I chuckled.

"Now stop trying to distract me. What happened?"

My jaw dropped. _She_ was the one who broke out in song. Alice fluttered her eyelashes and looked the picture of innocence.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine. So we went back to the room, and we got on the bed, and he told me he wanted me since the moment he saw me at Rusty's Restaurant. And then he kissed me." I closed my eyes and remembered the feeling of his lips on mine, of his hands roaming my body. "I've never been kissed like that before."

Alice's smile spread across her entire face, and her eyes crinkled. It was the first time I'd noticed any family resemblance between her and Edward. His eyes crinkled just like that. She sighed. "I knew you two were perfect for each other. You can actually see it when you're together."

"I don't know, Alice." I looked away from her; I didn't want her to see me trying to blink back the tears brimming in my eyes. "He was leaning over me, kissing me, and he started to push up my slip, and I was so sure he was going to— you know."

Alice nodded her head, ignoring my inability to articulate the act in words. It wasn't that I was embarrassed to say the words, it was more that I really had trouble with the connotation for each term. Our situation didn't seem to fit any of them.

We weren't about to _make love_. I was beyond attracted to Edward, both physically and to his boyishly charming personality, but it was too soon for making love. One day. Maybe. Hopefully.

And _to have sex_ sounded overly clinical; it didn't convey any of the feelings I had for Edward. Plus that was just too many words.

But it wasn't _fucking_ either. Fucking was raw and wanton.

I wished I were British. British people _shagged__._ I wondered if I could get away with that? _We were just about to shag when..._Yeah. I didn't think I could pull that off.

"He kissed his way up as he pushed my slip up, and it tickled."

"Tickled?"

"Yeah, because of his whiskers. It tickled, and I started giggling, and then he rubbed his face on my belly and I laughed harder. I couldn't stop laughing. And then I got the hiccups."

"Oh my god. You got the hiccups in the middle of foreplay?" Alice snickered.

I let out a little huff. "Edward wasn't amused. He shot off the bed like it was on fire."

Alice's head tilted, and her eyebrows knitted together.

"I got up to get a drink of water and when I came back into the room, he had put his pajamas back on."

"Huh. What did he say?"

"He said he was sorry, and he shouldn't have let things go that far." I cringed, remembering how it felt like a slap in the face.

"That's it? Then you went to sleep in the shower?"

"We might have argued a little bit. He said I was drunk..."

"That's it! Edward is a Boy Scout, always has been. He didn't want to sleep with you because you were drunk!"

"But I wasn't drunk! Or at least, I wasn't that drunk. I was definitely less drunk than the night before. And he wasn't exactly sober either."

"Wouldn't matter to him," Alice said, shaking her head emphatically.

"No way I was drunk enough to not be able to give consent if that's what he was worried about. Which is why I think it might just be an excuse."

"Trust me, it's not an excuse. You need to talk to him. Let him explain what he was thinking. Then you'll see that's exactly what he meant, and it wasn't an excuse at all."

I shrugged a shoulder.

"Come on, I'll bet it was hard for him to just stop like that." She raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Like really, really hard."

"Oh my god, Alice. You are such a perv."

"I know," she replied with a big, cheesy smile.

"Come on, let's go find the boys and get off the boat. St. Thomas is the bargain-shopping bazaar of the Caribbean. They have like twice the usual duty free limit!"

"Oh joy," I said sarcastically.

When we got back to the rooms, the boys were both in our cabin. Even though I had been prepared to apologize to Edward and give him the benefit of the doubt, as soon as I saw his face, all of the rejection and hurt from last night came back. Edward didn't seem to notice.

"There you are," he said with a big smile.

"Yep. Here I am." I rocked back on my heels.

We stood in awkward silence for a moment. I swear I could almost hear the three of them blink.

"So, what are we doing today?" I asked.

Alice practically sang, "Duty free shopping!"

"Jasper has a ten o'clock tee-time for two at Mahogany Run," Edward said. "I've always wanted to play that course. It's supposed to be amazing, and the fourteenth hole..." Edward continued to talk about the stupid golf course, but I wasn't really listening. I was trying not to show how hurt I was that Edward didn't want to spend every single second of his day with me.

In my head, I knew I was being irrational and probably overly clingy, but I really wanted to get back to where we were last night, before the hiccups. How could we do that if we weren't even together?

"Well, Bella?" Edward asked, expecting an answer to a question I didn't hear.

"Huh? Sorry, I spaced out for a moment."

"I asked if you wanted to meet me at the club house for lunch after our round?"

Did I want to meet him? We definitely needed to talk, but I didn't know if I could sit around for four hours just waiting. And it was more than frustrating that he acted as if nothing happened last night.

"I could meet you in the bar in case the round goes long?" he added.

My eyes shot to his. "In the bar? I thought you didn't want me drunk."

The double meaning of my words immediately flashed in his eyes. "Bella..."

"You know what?" I snapped. "You go golfing with Jasper; then take _him_ to your fancy club house lunch" I stomped over to the paper bag on the dresser. "Here, wear these," I said, shoving the light blue wristbands into his hand.

"I'm going shopping with Alice." I turned on my heel and walked out the door to wait for Alice in the hall.

Alice followed me out of the cabin and hooked her arm in mine, pulling me down the hall. "Boys are dumb."

I huffed a chuckle. "I know."

"But..."

"I know." And I did. I knew that I probably acted like a brat, but the anxiety over dealing with what happened last night and what was happening between us in general got the better of me.

"Good, because I don't think I have another one of those talks in me today."

I smiled as I felt some of the tension ease out of my shoulders. It felt good and warm and comfortable to just "be" with my best friend.

Alice smiled back. "Now, tell be about those bracelet things you told the boys to wear."

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**Thank you so much for sticking with me and reading.**

I'm trying to get them the chapters out quicker.

So...who remembers what the light blue bracelets mean?


	14. Chapter 14 Stones

**The Love Boat Chapter 14 (BPOV)**

Obsmama, Maxandmo, Carenl, Mtneer05, GeekChic12 and Kikki007 are my naughty elves.

* * *

**Chapter 14 Stones (BPOV)**

* * *

I followed Alice as she dragged me from one luxury boutique to the next, wishing the entire time I had just offered to be Edward's caddy. I could do that, right? How hard could it be to roll a stupid bag on wheels from one hole to the next? It's basically what I was doing anyway. Except these bags didn't have wheels.

"Stop trying to distract me. It's not going to work."

I lifted my hands to shake several bags of her purchases. "It kind of is."

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes. "Really, what were those blue bands you told Edward to wear?"

I took a deep breath, not bothering to look up from the jewelry cases. "Edward bought a whole set of those bands on the ship. Each color indicates an…I don't know…like a predilection."

"A predilection? For what?"

I looked up to see her staring at me with her eyebrows raised. "Um—you know, for this stuff," I said, motioning in the general direction of the docked ship.

Alice looked at me blankly, and I let out an exasperated breath. "For the swinging."

"Really?" she whispered back.

I nodded.

"So they're for like different positions and stuff?"

I looked around and saw too many people milling around. "Can we go get lunch?"

"Deflecting," Alice chirped.

"I'm not," I defended. "I just want to go somewhere…less crowded."

With the promise of an explanation, Alice wasted no time in finding a cute café that offered beautiful outdoor seating and picturesque Caribbean views. As soon as the waiter left our table, Alice folded her hands and leaned toward me with a raised eyebrow. "Spill."

I took a deep breath. "So each color of bracelet indicates what you're willing to do in the Swinger Community."

Alice stared back at me with rapt attention.

"There's like ten colors," I said as I fiddled with the white band I was still wearing. I tugged it to show to Alice. "White means 'just looking.'"

"Just looking?"

"Yeah, it's for new people. Or people who don't want offers."

"Oh, you mean _swayers_?"

I tried to think if Edward had used that term, but I didn't think he had. "Swayers?"

"Yeah, those are the people who like to be around the community but don't really participate," she explained. "Get it, swingers and swayers?"

"Where did you hear that?"

"Do you remember the Squirtsperts?" Alice asked. "Amanda totally had you pegged as a swayer. She said you weren't ready to share. Yet."

"Really?" I was a little disappointed, as if I wasn't good enough to be a full-fledged swinger, which was totally irrational, because I did not want to swing. "Maybe she saw my bracelet." I lifted my wrist again for emphasis.

Alice shrugged, but I could tell she didn't really think that was the case.

"Anyway, purple is for voyeurs and exhibitionists."

Alice nodded.

"Pink for soft swap."

"What's a soft swap?"

"Soft swaps are like making out with another couple. Or oral or handies..."

"Oh, you mean elevator action?" she asked with a gleeful smile.

"Shut up!" I teased, playfully kicking her under the table.

"Ow," Alice exaggerated. "You don't have to get violent," she jokingly mumbled before chuckling.

"Do you want me to keep going?"

"Oh yes, there's nothing I love more than color-coded sex acts!"

"Oh my god," I choked out, trying to keep as much of my sip of water in my mouth as possible.

Alice smiled proudly, handing me her napkin.

"Thanks," I said, patting my chin dry.

"You were saying?"

"Soft swap is all of those things. Everything except actual sex. And your real-life partner is in the room while you—you know, _swap_."

"Ahh." Alice nodded again in understanding.

"Then there's like four or five colors of full swap; that's everything, including actual sex."

"What's the difference in the colors then?"

I had to think back a bit. What was the difference? "Um...location? The lowest levels have both couples in the same room and for the higher ones, they can be further apart. There's also something about both partners approving the other's choice. Edward has a chart."

"A chart? What are you going to do? Carry it around and look at it every time you see a bracelet?"

"No. I'm going to wear my 'leave me alone' white and think all the other colors are just varying shades of kinky."

"You know, you shouldn't be so judgmental. We met a lot of really nice people last night."

"I'm not judgmental!"

"You kind of are," she said assuredly.

"So, the light blues ones…"

"Deflection." Why does she always 'chirp' that? It's bad enough that she's spot on with calling me on it, but she had to use that singsong voice, too.

I raised my eyebrow and tilted my head. She knew the look.

"Fine. Tell me."

"The light blue ones mean the wearer is bi-sexual."

Alice let out an unladylike bark of laugher. "Are you serious?"

I nodded, grinning.

"I wish I could see them! You know if they have to go off into the rough to find their ball, people will totally think they're sneaking off for some tryst!"

"You don't think they actually wore them, do you?"

"Jasper probably did."

I giggled with her. Jasper probably would.

I pushed my salad around the plate as I mindlessly nodded and hmm'ed at Alice's chatter. I'm not sure why I'd even ordered it, because I really didn't feel like eating. My stomach was still in knots, and it probably would be until I resolved things with Edward.

I took advantage of the lull in the conversation caused by an uncharacteristically large forkful of pasta Alice shoved into her mouth. "You know Alice, I'm not feeling great. Would you mind if I just went back to the ship?"

Alice's eyes drifted from mine, to my plate and back. Concern was apparent on her face as she realized I was picking at my food rather than eating it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think I just want to lie down and get some rest." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Edward?" She knew, but up until now, she'd let me pretend.

I nodded.

"What are you going to say to him?"

"I don't know," I said, setting my fork down for good. "I guess I'm going to apologize for being bratty last night and making him carry me to bed. And for taking off this morning, and then, you know, the thing right before we left." I let out an exasperated sigh. Alice smiled tentatively, a signal for me to continue. "And I think I need to tell him explicitly that I'm interested and that I want to go forward with him. Hence, the dry lunch." I pointed at my glass full of non-alcoholic water.

Alice snickered.

"And then I'll probably tell him golf is stupid, and I stormed off because it felt like he was choosing that over me. I totally shouldn't have, because I have no right to demand all of his time like that."

Alice's smile had broadened to take over her entire face. She clasped her hands together under her chin. I chuckled at how ridiculous she looked. She got the same look when we watched sappy movies and the idiots who kept missing each other, or kept misunderstanding each other, finally got together.

"Don't look at me like that!"

"But…you're going to marry my cousin and have beautiful babies and finally be my real sister!"

"Oh my god, Alice. I just met him three days ago!"

"You've known him your whole life!" she scoffed.

"And he's your cousin; that wouldn't make us sisters. It wouldn't even make us cousins. I know, because I looked it up when we were in high school." I looked away and blushed when I realized I had inadvertently let out one of the few secrets I kept from Alice as kids.

Even though pretty much everyone knew I had a crush on Edward, I was too shy and embarrassed to admit it, even to Alice. I only doodled his name in my most secret notebooks, and when Alice suggested I could marry into her family, I always brushed it off.

"You don't have to act all embarrassed. We all knew you had a crush on Edward. It was cute." She smirked.

"Yeah, on that note, I think I'm going to head back to the ship."

She faked a pout.

"Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself?"

"Please, I'll get twice as much shopping done without dragging your mopey ass along," she teased, giving me a final hug and a wave goodbye.

By the time I arrived back at the cabin, I was exhausted. I dropped Alice's bags, that she insisted I carry back to the ship, to the floor with a heavy thunk. _Shoot, I didn't mean to just drop them like that. I hope there wasn't anything breakable in them._

Housekeeping must have come, because the bed was remade and there was a cute little elephant made out of towels. I picked it up and tried to figure out the fold, but there was no way that was happening. I gave up and crawled up on the bed, cuddling my new terrycloth pet.

"Bella? Bella." Someone was shaking me.

I sat up, blinking rapidly, trying to focus. "I think I fell asleep."

"Yeah, I could tell. Heard you snoring through the door."

"I do not snore."

"Yes, you do."

"I do?" I asked, embarrassed. _Did I snore? Did I wake him up at night?_

"Yes, you do. But, I couldn't really hear you through the door. They're soft, ladylike snores," he said with a placating tone.

I snorted. I'm sure that was ladylike too.

"Why are you holding a towel?"

I looked down at the completely unfolded towel in my lap. "Oh no! I wanted to show you! They folded it up somehow into an elephant. It was really cute. I think the ends were the ears, and this was twisted into a trunk," I explained, holding up different parts of the towel.

He chuckled. "I'll have to trust you."

"So," I hedged, nervously. "How was the fourteenth hole?"

"I don't know. I left after the fourth."

"Why?"

"I—I wanted to come back and see if you were okay. You seemed pretty upset, so I left early."

"How did you know I'd be here? I left with Alice."

He shrugged. "I just had a feeling she'd out-shop you."

Three soft knocks came through the door. Edward turned to open it, revealing a beautiful brunette with a feathered bob. My immediate thought was that Edward had invited her back to the cabin thinking he'd be alone. I wanted to disappear from embarrassment and claw her eyes out at the same time.

"Mr. Cullen…" she started to say before her eyes landed on me. "Oh, hello there." She waved, giving me a friendly smile. I noticed the brass name tag pinned to her smart little navy blue suit. She was a cruise line employee.

She turned back to Edward. "I see your wife is back after all, which is perfect because everything is all set up, as we discussed."

"Thank you." Almost as an afterthought, he twisted to speak to both of us. "Julie, this is Bella. Bella, this is our cruise director, Julie. She's been helping me with a couple of things."

"Oh really?" I narrowed my eyes to study him. He was definitely up to something. "Like what?"

"You'll see." He winked. I'd hate that damn wink if my insides didn't go all gooey every time he gave me one.

My eyes shifted from Edward's beautiful, devilish smirk to Julie's brilliant, friendly smile.

"Come on," Edward said, taking my hand. "I have a surprise for you."

"What kind of a surprise?" I asked apprehensively. "I don't like surprises. Except good surprises. I like good surprises."

"Oh, it's good," he said as he pulled me past the cruise director, who was still standing in the doorway. "Thank you again, Julie. I owe you the biggest, frilliest drink on this ship."

She smiled impossibly bigger. "Make it a skinny margarita, no salt, and you've got a deal!"

"You got it," he said as he pulled me down the hall. I think he might have winked at her too, because she looked a little wobbly when I looked at her over my shoulder. His winks had that power on everyone.

"Isaac knows how I like them!" she softly shouted down the hall as she waved goodbye.

I touched Edward's forearm to get his attention. "Did the cruise director, 'Julie' really just say the bartender's name was Isaac?"

He shrugged as he punched the elevator button.

"Do not tell Jasper," I warned. "He'll never stop singing that damned theme to _The Love Boat_."

I didn't know where he was dragging us until he pulled me through the doors of the Acidalia

Spa.

"A spa, Edward?" I was really excited and a little scared. I'd never been to a spa before.

"I know we need to talk. I need to apologize to you, but I thought we could use a little relaxation first."

How could I even respond to that? Before I could tell Edward how thoughtful and perfect he was, and how I was the one who needed to apologize, a tall blonde with the most serene face I'd ever seen walked into the room.

I guessed if I spent eight or ten hours a day in a spa surrounded by the tinkling of water fountains, chirping birds, and New Age music, I might have had that look of bliss too.

Maybe not, because the sound of the running water made me have to pee.

"Hello. Welcome to Acidalia Spa. I'm Caren," she greeted in a soothing tone before she really looked at us. Her breath caught "Oh, you must be Mr. Cullen!"

I knew that reaction. It was the same one I had three days ago at Rusty's and the same one I'd had every time I'd seen him since.

"My reputation precedes me?" Edward asked cheekily.

Her smoky eyes blinked rapidly behind the heavy frames of her trendy glasses as she blushed. "Yeah— I mean no. Sorry. Julie just called to say you were coming."

"Caren, this is my wife, Bella," he said, placing a hand on the small of my back. "We're here for a couple's massage."

"We are?" I asked.

He nodded, a little unsure. "It's part of my apology." He said it quietly, as if he only wanted me to hear, but I saw Caren smirk out of the corner of my eye.

Caren handed each of us a robe. "Undress as much as you're comfortable; I'll be back to get you as soon as your room is ready."

I could swear I heard her sigh when Edward gave her one of his charming smiles.

"Would you like anything to drink while you wait? Wine? Champagne?"

I shook my head. I wanted a clear head for this talk with Edward. And even through all the confusion and rejection, the logical part of my brain knew Alice was right, and Edward was holding back because he thought I was drunk. I didn't want any chance of another misunderstanding.

Edward gave me a small, knowing smile and turned back to her. "I think we'll be fine. Thank you, Caren."

She nodded and backed out of the room, pulling the curtain closed behind her and leaving us in an awkward silence.

He set his robe on the bench and took a step to stand directly in front of me. He let one hand slide from my shoulder to my elbow and the other cupped my face as he brushed my cheek with his thumb.

"Bella," he nearly whispered. "I'm sorry. For this morning. And last night."

"Me too." I nodded. "Did you want to undress me?" I squeezed my eyes closed and grimaced in embarrassment. _Where in the hell did that come from?_

"You have no idea how fucking bad—" Edward mumbled under his breath.

I squeezed the folded robe closer to my chest.

"Yeah—" Edward said with a wry grin, "and don't think I don't know what you're doing. We can't keep avoiding talking about whatever this is between us."

I nodded and stood in silence. My eyes drifted to stare at the ceiling for a while; then followed the line where it met the wall around. I paused to consider the Mediterranean landscape print on one wall and several of the large fresco panels with scalloped shells, doves, and roses painted in pale greens, blues, and silvers on the others. I wondered if the placid art really did lead to a more relaxing experience.

I glanced back to Edward to see him undressing. My eyes quickly moved back to the wall before slowly finding their way back to him. I tried to watch surreptitiously, but he looked up and caught me with a wink.

I chuckled nervously, and he went back on task, unbuckling his belt.

"How far do you go?" I asked quietly.

He looked up at me confused for a moment before the sides of his mouth turned up and a twinkle came to his eyes. "I go all the way." He winked.

My head tilted to the side, and I raised my eyebrows at him. "I meant, how much do you usually take off. For the massage."

"I know." He smiled smugly. "By the way, my wink still makes you blush."

I hid my face in the robe. "Stop doing that! I can't control it."

"But I love your blush."

I lifted my face and opened one eye to see his charming smile. "Ugh. Stop that too! That 'I can get away with anything I want because I'll dazzle her with my smile' smile. You'll make me forget why I'm annoyed with you!"

"I'm okay with that."

"Of course you are," I huffed. "I meant, how far do you undress for one of these massages?"

"I know. It's still the same answer. All the way." He winked again.

I tried to hide my gulp. "All the way? Completely—" I lowered my voice, "naked?"

He nodded.

"But, what about your—" I gestured toward the area below his waist.

"They drape sheets over your more delicate areas."

"Your areas are delicate?"

"What? No!" His smile hardened into defensive scowl. "My parts are most definitely not delicate."

I bit back a giggle.

"You wanna see?" he asked, sliding his thumbs inside the top of his waistband.

I gasped and turned my back to him. "No! I mean, yes. Oh god. Just…just not here." My voice came out as a harsh whisper.

Edward chuckled. "Bella, you should undress as much as you're comfortable with. Completely naked is fine, but you'll be fine in your bra and panties too. Or you can stay fully dressed. This is supposed to be relaxing."

I hummed in understanding, still facing away from him.

"You can turn around, I'm all covered now."

Even in a fluffy, white robe, with sleeves a little too short for his long arms, Edward looked incredibly sexy. The wiry chest hair peeking out from his robe reminded me of how I felt the last time I saw it as he hovered above me. I let my eyes drift to where his robe hit mid-thigh. Somehow it made his muscular thighs look even more obscene than they did even in his boxer briefs. My mind wandered. If he was completely nude underneath, what was to keep his manhood from poking out?

"Bella?"

Startled, I shook the thoughts from my head and lifted my head to see the biggest smirk ever smirked on his face. He totally knew I was checking him out, and the blush that heated my face only proved it more.

"Are you going to actually change? Caren should be back at any moment."

"Oh yeah," I said with a relieved sigh. "Could you, um— turn around or something?"

Always the gentleman, Edward complied. I quickly stripped down to my panties, feeling brave by forgoing my bra, and slipped the robe on just as Caren called out a verbal "knock knock," and entered the room.

"Are you two all ready? Kikki and Karoline are ready for you now," she said cheerfully.

I nodded and started to follow her out of the room. Edward came up behind me, and leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I watched you in the reflection."

I looked past him, over my shoulder, to see the entire room reflected perfectly in the glass of the large print hanging on the wall. I narrowed my eyes to give him a look of admonishment, but he looked so sweet and angelic when he winked at me that my irritation seemed to vanish. Stupid freaking magic wink.

Caren led us past a replica of the Venus de Milo and into a treatment room. "Bella, this is Karoline. She's wonderful with first timers."

As soon as we walked into the room, I noticed two vinyl-covered massage tables standing a couple of feet apart. I blanched as my mind flashed to the middle-aged man walking around the decks of the ship clad in nothing but a speedo and a fanny pack with soft-serve ice cream and sweat dripping down their potbellies. I wondered how many of them had been on these very tables.

Edward touched my wrist to get my attention and quietly whispered in my ear, "They sanitize the tables between clients. And see, they're putting down fresh sheets."

I smiled at him, embarrassed to be caught with my crazy showing. He winked again.

Karoline made her way around the table, shaking my hand and directing me to lie on the table on my back before she turned around to let me adjust the sheet to cover myself. I heard Kikki introduce herself to Edward. What kind of massage therapist was she anyway? Weren't they supposed to be thick, heavy women with tree trunks for legs and sausage fingers and have blonde braids wrapped around their heads? Shouldn't she be named something like Helga, not Kikki?

Karoline explained what she was doing as she started rubbing hot rocks on my calf and leg, but my mind was still reeling about the woman a foot away rubbing on Edward's naked body. What kind of name was Kikki anyway? She sounded like a femme fatale from a James Bond movie or something. I'll bet her last name was something like Lovecock. And Edward probably took one look at her big brown eyes and her hair pulled back into a smart knot and he totally ignored the fact that with a name like Kikki Lovecock, she was obviously a villain.

I was ripped from my thoughts when Karoline tried to slip small, flat rocks between my toes, and my leg jerked back, knocking the stones she had lined down my shin off.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you ticklish?" Karoline asked. "Here, we'll just wrap your legs and let them soak in the heat." She re-lined my shins with the stones and wrapped my entire leg in a warm, moist towel. It felt wonderful.

Edward and Kikki chuckled, and I wanted to shrink in embarrassment.

"That's one of my favorite things about her - her ticklishness," Edward said in a flat, relaxed almost monotone. "And her blush. Have you seen her blush?"

I turned my head to see Edward lying completely still with his eyes closed and Kikki also working on his legs, clicking her stones together as she worked her way down.

"Ah, yes. In fact, she's blushing right now," she whispered loud enough for me to hear.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Edward turned his head toward me, and his sweet, half smile did nothing to temper the smoldering look in his eyes that made me want to jump him right on the table. Which was really unfair considering I was practically swaddled in towels with rocks lined up on my legs and lying on a table two feet away.

My eyes closed as Karoline traced a small stone along the contours of my face. The relaxing circuit was just starting to lull me to sleep when she tapped on my shoulder and asked me to flip over onto my stomach.

She worked my back, loosening much more tension than I realized I was holding, and I couldn't help but sigh and moan appreciatively as she worked.

Edward let out a deep groan too, prompting Kikki to ask if she was pushing too hard. Oddly, he said she wasn't.

I could have stayed under Karoline's skillful hands all day, but all too soon, she laid the warm stones along my spine and shoulders and instructed me to just relax and soak in their heat. Kikki gave Edward the same instructions, and they excused themselves, promising to be back when the stones had cooled.

"Psst," Edward called from his table.

I opened my eyes to see his position mirroring my own. He reached his hand toward me. "Give me your hand."

"Can't. Can't move. My rocks will fall off."

"Don't you want to get your rocks off?"

I didn't need to look at him to see the smirk on his stupid face.

"Please?"

I rolled my eyes behind my closed eyelids, but the truth was that his plea did something to my insides. "Fine." I reached out to him, causing the stones to slide off my arm and plink onto the floor.

His fingertips tickled my palm as he reached for a better hold. The sensation traveled up my arm and into my body. I swore I could feel it in my toes.

"I want to apologize for last night…"

"I'd say this takes care of that in spades. I seriously don't know if I've ever felt this good," I said with my eyes still closed, trying to lie as still as possible.

His fingertips continued to play with my own. "But I also wanted to explain."

I opened my eyes to see his beautiful, bottle green eyes looking at me with an intensity that almost took my breath away.

"Was it because I hiccupped? Because everybody does it. It's the sequel to _Everyone Poops_."

Edward chuckled, and I smiled at my own joke. "No…well, sort of. You just seem to be different when you're drinking. You're so much more…receptive, and that hiccup just made me wonder if you really wanted me," he said quietly. "I wondered if you had been sober if you wouldn't have just changed the subject with some joke."

"I wasn't that drunk."

"You were definitely tipsy. And it was enough for me to question what you really wanted."

"I really wanted you."

Edward groaned quietly.

"I haven't had anything to drink today," I said.

"I know."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I still really want you."

This time, Edward's groan was much louder, and accompanied by the thud of more stones falling to the floor as he crossed the two feet that separated us. I turned on my hip, my own rocks falling to the floor, just as he took my face in his hands.

Seeing his amazing body clearly zapped all coherent thought from my brain. "You're naked."

His lips turned into his that sexy smirk of his, and his eyes seemed to sparkle. He glanced down where the drape had slipped off my nearly nude body. "You're almost naked."

He pressed his mouth to mine, rolling me on my back. As soon as his lips touched mine, the gauze of wooziness returned, and I needed to touch him, to hold him. One hand curled around his bicep and the other slid up his chest. I moaned when I felt the muscles in his arm flex as his hands tangled in my hair.

Edward broke the kiss, his eyes boring into mine. "Do you have any idea what those moans do to me? Do you know how fucking hard it was for me to lay there, across the room, when you were doing that to me?"

"What?"

"During the massage, you moaned— thank god you didn't start until we were on our stomachs or Kikki would think I have some kind of massage fetish."

"Hmm…based on the elevator last night, you do get off on being rubbed." My hand trailed down his chest. "Is that your kink, Edward? Do you like to be—rubbed?"

Edward gasped as my hand slid lower and closed over his hardening erection.

I heard a much more feminine gasp. "Oh my god!"

Lighting fast, I withdrew from Edward, covering my face with my hands and turning over onto my belly to hide as much as I possibly could.

Edward muttered an expletive, and I felt the sheet cover me back up to my shoulders. I peeked between my fingers to see Edward standing between his table and mine with his drape wrapped around his waist looking almost as embarrassed as me. "Thank you," I whispered, grateful he had enough thought to cover me while he took cover himself.

I wanted to shrink down to nothing so I could just get out of this room without having to face anyone. How could I act like that in a public place? I blamed Edward. He'd hypnotized me with his stupid, sexy smirk.

"Um…" Kikki called from the hall. "I was just coming to remove your stones. But you seem to have done that already. That was but, B-U-T, not butt B-U-T-T, because I didn't see any ass—thing, I didn't see anything!"

Oh, god. Could this get any worse? Why was I tempting fate?

"You guys are done, I mean here. I don't know if you're done-done. Yeah. You can go back to room three when you're ready to re-dress. You can keep the robes. They're complimentary with any Acidalia Spa service."

Yep. It could definitely get worse. I shook my head in my hands, wishing the floor would swallow me whole.

"Bella, here's your robe." Edward nudged my shoulder.

"Thank you." I reached for it without looking and quickly slipped off the table and into the robe. Edward took my hand and led me to our things. He could have led me off a gangplank for all I knew, because my eyes never left the floor.

Once in the room, Edward and I re-dressed in our clothes in complete silence and with eyes averted. Or at least, mine were. He took my hand again, leading the way out of the spa. Just as we passed the front desk, I heard Caren whisper, "You should get the purple bracelets."

Shocked, I glanced at the white band on my wrist and back at her, just in time to see her wink.

* * *

I know it's been a while, thank you so much for coming back and reading! Who wouldn't want a naked Edward in the spa?

If you're looking for a little Christmas fun, I wrote short comedy story last year called The Naughty Elf. Edward is Santa, yes the real Santa and Bella is a naughty elf. The Lemonade Stand included it on he poll this week with several other Christmas stories. If you're looking for more seasonal stories (or any fic) you should check out their "Meet the Poll" for summary, links and rec.

Speaking of The Lemonade Stand, The Love Boat was up for fic of the month for June against some amazing fics. It sounds cheesy and superficial to say, "I'm happy just to be nominate" but seriously, this list of fics was amazing. And The Love Boat was on it!


	15. Chapter 15 Pirate

**The Love Boat**

Obsmama and Maxandmo and carenl and mtneer05 and GeekChic12 and Kikki007 and Meg...it takes a harem.

Now do you all have your heartfail hankies out? Here we go...

* * *

**Chapter 15 Pirate (EPOV)**

* * *

_Last time on The Love Boat…_

_Bella got pissy when Edward went golfing, but he left before he even saw the amazing fourteenth hole. He came back to the ship so he and Bella could get their rocks off at the spa while the massage therapist watched. It ended like this:_

_Once in the room, Edward and I re-dressed in our clothes in complete silence and with eyes averted. Or at least, mine were. He took my hand again, leading the way out of the spa. Just as we passed the front desk, I heard Caren whisper, __"__You should get the purple bracelets__."_

_Shocked, I glanced at the white band on my wrist and back at her, just in time to see her wink._

* * *

Bella hid behind her hair, her eyes never leaving the floor as I led her through the hallways to the elevator. Once the doors closed and it was just the two of us, she let out a sigh of relief.

"Bella, are you okay?"

She nodded. I turned to stand in front of her and slid my hands up and down her arms. "I know it was a little embarrassing…"

"A little?" She scoffed.

I leaned down and pressed my forehead to hers. "Bella, let it go. Please? I don't want this to be one more thing that sets us back." I knew some of her hesitance had to do with insecurity, and I was worried that being caught in the spa had the potential to make her doubt herself even more.

"That's what you're worried about? That I won't want to have sex with you?" she asked tentatively.

Hell yes. I was going to be the only guy in history to actually die from blue balls— and on a ship full of sexual libertines. Oh god, the irony. "No—well not entirely. I don't want us to be uncomfortable and awkward again. I like being with you; I like _us_. Don't let this be something that messes that up."

She relaxed slightly, but there was still a sadness in her eyes. "But, those women, they're going to think I'm a—slut." She dropped her chin and whispered the word "slut."

"They're not, Bella. First of all, we probably won't even see them again for the rest of the cruise, so who cares? Second, they think we're married. And lastly, look where we are. That was nothing compared to what's happening everywhere else on this ship! They've probably been rubbing out sex-swing charley horses and cricked necks from bad rounds of 'swallow the leader' since the ship left Port Canaveral."

She giggled. It was so much better than seeing the humiliation on her beautiful face. "Swallow the leader?"

"Yeah. It's like sixty-nine, but with—more people."

She tilted her head in confusion. "Sixty-nine?"

"Shit. Really?"

She looked at me blankly.

Jesus Christ, did she just walk out of a convent? "It's where a guy and a girl eat each other out, at the same time."

"Like at Applebee's?"

My jaw opened and closed a couple of times, and I ran my hands through my hair before looking at the ceiling, completely exasperated.

She burst into a sharp peal of laughter.

"Oh, my God. You knew, and you made me try to explain it?"

She bit her lip and nodded. "The look on your face… it was priceless."

"Very funny." I couldn't help but smile myself. She was adorable, and I was relieved that she wasn't really that naive.

The elevator dinged, and I pulled her down the hall to our cabin.

As soon as the door closed, Bella turned to face me. "Thank you. You were right. I just needed some help getting over the shock, know what I mean?" She tugged on my shirt a little and looked up at me with her big, chocolate eyes. It made me want her in a primitive, 'Ugg want Ayla' way that was unacceptable for a modern, enlightened man like myself. I wanted to finally claim her, to mark her and make sure everyone knew she was mine.

I nodded and took her hands to bring her closer. Her toe caught the carpet or air or something, and she fell into my arms, pushing me against the wall. I chuckled and took a half-step back, sliding up the wall to stand straight, pulling her upright as well. "Are you okay?"

She started to nod, but then her eyes caught mine, and she stepped forward to press herself against me. She reached up on her toes and grazed her hands along my sides to rest on my shoulders for leverage. "Do you remember that first night?"

"The night you told me you thought I was gay?"

She nodded.

"And made me your bed-making slave?"

She blushed and bit her lip, nodding again.

"And you offered to share your shoulder blanket?"

As I bent down for a kiss, she leaned to the side and tapped the wall next to my shoulder. "Do you remember what happened right here?"

"This wall?" I looked up at the ceiling and squinted my eyes, as if I were trying to remember. "I'm not sure."

"Maybe this will remind you," she whispered as she pressed her lips to the base of my throat. "What about now?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

She rose on her toes to leave a trail of kisses along my neck. It took everything in me not to throw her on the bed when she lightly grazed my throat with her teeth and started gently sucking my Adam's apple.

I palmed her ass, groaning as I squeezed.

My head snapped to the door with the sound of three sharp knocks.

_Fuck_. I banged the back of my head on the wall. "I swear to god, if that's Alice, I'm stuffing her in your fucking trunk."

Bella giggled as she went to the door, but I reached for her arm, halting her movements. "Go away," I yelled toward the door.

"Edward?" Alice asked through the door. "Is Bella in there with you?"

"I'm here. We're…um…we're busy," Bella answered back, shrugging at me while biting back a giggle.

"Oh my god. Are you two knocking boots?" Alice wailed.

I bellowed, "Yes!" at the same time Bella admonished, "Alice!"

Bella looked at me and burst into full-fledged giggles.

I let out a resigned sigh as I looked at the door. "I'll be over there in twenty minutes, Alice."

"Twenty minutes?" Bella questioned. "I'm not sure whether to be impressed or disappointed."

"Oh, you'll definitely be impressed, and it's going to take much more than twenty minutes," I said, backing her toward the bed.

"Oh really?" She reached for my collar and pulled me down with her.

I nodded into the crook of her neck as I peppered her shoulder with kisses.

Bella moaned softly, her hands twining in my hair. "But, I didn't even bring boots," she said in a soft, raspy whisper that only kindled my need for her, despite, or maybe because of her silliness.

I raised myself on my forearms to hover over this beautiful woman below me. I really didn't have a barometer for the feeling she stirred inside me, but I knew I wanted more of her and more _with_ her. I cradled her face in my hands and let myself get momentarily lost in her expressive eyes. She smiled sweetly at me. "Let me take you on a date tonight."

"A date?" she asked with a trace of confusion.

"Yeah. I got some ideas from the cruise director, Julie. I was thinking maybe we could try that fancy restaurant on the promenade, maybe go for a walk on the deck. There's a movie theater on board too." Why did I feel like that lame middle schooler again?

Bella blushed and looked away for a moment before she turned her head back to me and met my gaze. She gave me a dazzling smile. "I'd love to go on a date with you tonight."

I felt myself relax, and a broad smile crossed my face. We just stared at each other in silence.

"Did you think I was going to say no?"

I shrugged.

"I'm not sure there's anything I could refuse you." She brushed her hand in a lazy circuit on the back of my arm.

"I'll have to keep that in mind," I said with a wink.

She scoffed playfully. "Especially with that 'I can get anything I want' wink."

"Nice to know," I said with another wink.

She chortled. "Here, all this time, I thought you were winking at me, and you really just have a tic."

"I'll give you a tic," I teased, sucking on the soft dip of her shoulder.

She giggled and writhed as if I were tickling her, so I thought I might as well. She squealed and slapped my shoulder. I finally let up when she warned she was about to pee her pants.

I kissed a trail to her perfect lips, keeping the final kisses as chaste as I could, otherwise, I might not be able to stop. "Can you be ready in an hour?"

She nodded, trying to pull more of my weight onto her.

"I'll be back in an hour then." I gave her a quick peck and quickly stood.

She raised up on her elbows and looked at me like I was crazy. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to get ready at Alice and Jasper's so I can pick you up like a real date."

"A real date?" One eyebrow rose. "So will there be a goodnight kiss at the door after this date?"

"I fucking hope so," I said, winking as I headed for the door. I pulled the door open, and Alice practically fell into our room. "Were you standing there with your ear to the door?"

"Nooo," she drew out, defensively.

I glanced at Bella and then to her trunk. Her eyes followed mine, and as we looked back at each other, we shared a wicked grin.

Exactly an hour after walking out our cabin door, I was knocking on it to pick Bella up for our date.

She opened the door, and my eyes zeroed in on the top of her dark blue, sleeveless dress, and then the bottom of the skirt just above her knees, and back to her tits. After four days of near constant torture, I wanted nothing more than to push her back into the room and tear away the two-foot band of fabric keeping me from what I wanted most.

"Um…hi?" Bella said.

My head shot up to hers with a guilty grin. I silently admonished myself for those thoughts. Even though part of me wanted nothing more than to throw her over my shoulder and drag her into my cave, the bigger part of me wanted more than that. I had this feeling that meeting Bella again was the start of something— something bigger than a quick and dirty fuck. This "date" was what I needed to show her that.

"Hi. You look stunning," I said.

Bella blushed and looked at her feet for a moment before looking back up at me. We stood there, with the door open wide, half in the hall, making moony eyes at each other until I remembered the flowers.

* * *

"Shit. I meant to get you flowers." I should have had plenty of time to swing by the florist, but I didn't realize how distracting Alice would be, sharing her constant buzz of advice, as I tried to get ready. "Stay right here," I said, holding her in place by her shoulders before turning down the hall. "I'll be right back."

"No, no, no." Bella grabbed my wrist and pulled me back in front of her. She didn't let go when she added, "I don't need flowers."

"But, I wanted to do everything right. I'm usually better than this. I don't know why I'm so discombobulated."

"I like you—discombobulated. I think _this_ is pretty right." She looked at our linked hands, a shy smile spreading across her face. "Plus, you already know I'm kind of a spaz. I can't really judge."

"You're not—"

"Uh, I am. The bed. The fan. The sunscreen," she counted off on her fingers. "I can own my crazy. You should see me eat Lucky Charms."

"Lucky Charms? How do you eat Lucky Charms?"

"On average, there's six cereal pieces for every marbit."

"Marbit?"

"Those are the marshmallow pieces. They're called marbits."

I smiled at her matter-of-fact explanation.

"I can tell you're just humoring me, but that really is the perfect ratio to eat them. If you have a disproportionate number of marbits, it's too sweet and you run out of them at the end of the box, and who wants to eat a bowl full of Lucky Charms without the marshmallows?"

"Makes sense." I nodded. "So you eat one marbit and six regular pieces per spoonful?"

She wrinkled her forehead and looked at me like I was crazy. "Don't be silly. I'm not that crazy." She smiled brightly and announced, "Sometimes I have _two_ marbits and _twelve_ cereals pieces."

She cracked me up. "I find your _crazy_ adorable."

"Well, I rather enjoy your discombobulation. So I guess we're the perfect pair."

"Told you so!" Alice's voice chirped behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and heard Alice swear. I didn't think she meant to call attention to the fact that she'd been spying on us. "Don't you have a roping class to get ready for?"

She squeaked and shut the door quickly.

I turned back to a snickering Bella.

"Shall we?" I said, offering my arm.

"Let's!" she giggled.

The table for two in a dimly lit corner of Athenodora's on the Promenade was much more intimate than the main dining room, and it seemed to be miles away from the _lifestyle_ theme. Bella and I fell into an easy conversation, catching each other up on the last twelve years of our lives. Her passion for teaching was almost contagious, and I wondered what she'd look like in action with a room of five year olds hanging on her every word.

It was almost enough to make me forget how much I wanted to just drag her back to the room and finish what we started before my high ideals interrupted us. Almost.

After dinner, we walked hand in hand through the promenade, careful to avoid those kiosks that catered to this specific cruise. The conversation shifted more toward me. Bella admitted that she had always thought I was a "serial dater," which was really just a polite way to say she thought I was a skirt-chasing douchebag. It made me wonder what my mother and aunt said about me, and even more if they really thought that of me. I'd had a couple of semi-serious relationships, and in between, I dated. But I never cheated. The women I dated had mutual expectations, and I was always truthful and respectful. That didn't make me a player, did it?

"I think your impression of my love life is greatly exaggerated." I chuckled, trying to keep the topic light while still defending myself.

"Oh really?" She tilted her head and smiled mischievously. "So no rapid succession of flavor of the month? No random, last call hook-ups?"

I couldn't say never, but I couldn't exactly admit it either. "Not as many as you seem to think."

Her smile seemed to falter just a bit; it was almost imperceivable, but I still felt it in my chest. "It doesn't matter, even if there was," I added smugly.

"Ah, there's that smirk again." Her eyes danced as she pointed to the corner of my mouth. "You must think you have an awful good reason why it doesn't matter."

I shrugged. "I'm reformed."

She raised an eyebrow. "Reformed?"

I nodded confidently.

"You're a reformed lothario?" she asked doubtfully, biting her lip. "And when did that happen?"

I waited until her eyes met mine. "Four days ago, when you ran to the library, a woman came on to me. She was attractive, and she offered me pretty much anything I wanted. But all I could think of was how I had to find you."

She silently looked at me, searching for the truth. "That's what you were talking about the first night, when I asked you why you weren't looking at other women," she said quietly.

I nodded without breaking my gaze from her beautiful eyes.

Her brows furrowed as she considered what I'd said, and I saw acceptance cross her face with a pretty smile and a blush.

I leaned down and placed a tender kiss on the corner of her mouth, and before she could react, I tugged on her hand in the direction of the theater. "We'd better hurry if we don't want to miss the movie."

Bella followed, shaking her head to clear it. I did that to her. The primitive part of my brain grunted with pride. "What if I want to miss the movie?"

"We can't miss the movie. This is a real date; a real date is dinner and a movie."

She laughed brightly. "Then I guess we better go to the movie. What are we seeing?"

I stopped in my tracks for a moment. What movie was it? I looked up the time the movie started, but I didn't pay attention to what movie it was. "Um…I don't know," I admitted hesitantly.

"You don't know?" Bella looked around, and lowered her voice. "What if it's a porno?"

My first thought was how fucking awesome it would be to watch porn with Bella. Then, I thought about it being Bella, and I was pretty sure she wasn't into that. At least not yet. I had a feeling she might be less inhibited than even she knew, but she definitely wasn't there yet. And even if she was, we certainly wouldn't want to do that in a theater full of people.

"Edward?" Bella's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"Why would they be showing a…" I trailed off as I looked around, and my eyes landed on the _Four-play, The Rubber Dicky_ and _Masturbation Station_ kiosks, "…I'm pretty sure it's not a porno." _Please don't let it be a porno._

I let out a relieved breath as we rounded the corner and I could see that the latest mainstream romantic comedy was showing today. "See?" I pointed at the sign. "Told you it wasn't a dirty movie."

"Uh-huh. Sure," she said, giving me a playful side-eye.

The theater wasn't crowded; there were only two other couples seated. Bella and I took our seats just as the lights dimmed. She was enthralled with watching the movie, and I was enthralled with watching her laugh, sigh and bite her lip when it looked like the haphazard couple may not end up together at the end of the movie. It was amazing to still see some of that awkward bookworm I knew growing up in the smart, funny, sexy woman next to me.

Bella didn't move to get up as the credits rolled, and she told me we had to wait until the credits were at least halfway through so we didn't miss any extra scenes or bloopers. But as soon as the slow strains of the third song played, she stood and announced there probably wasn't any.

I followed her down the steps. The singer's sultry voice started as we stepped onto the landing, and on an impulse, I stopped in my tracks. "Dance with me?"

Bella looked at me questioningly as I slowly reached for her and drew her into my arms. We began swaying to the music as the credits continued to roll behind us.

A smile pulled at her lips as she rested her head on my shoulder. I couldn't stop myself from drawing her closer, enjoying the way her warm body fit so perfectly into mine.

Bella lifted her head, studying my face. "You know, you don't have to do all this, right? I'm kind of a sure thing."

She still didn't quite seem to get it. "I'm not doing _all this_ just to get laid."

She tilted her head and cocked a doubtful eyebrow. "Are you going to hold out on me again tonight?"

"Definitely not," I chuckled. "I don't know what it is, but I feel… _more_ with you. It's too early to profess my undying love and to make promises about the future, but what if?"

My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. Even in the dim light from the projector, Bella's eyes sparkled. I continued. "What if meeting you again, here, really is kismet?"

Our swaying slowed to a near stop. Bella's eyes fixed on mine.

"What if _all this_ is just the start of _all that_?" I whispered. "What if this is the story we tell our grandkids?"

Bella drew back slightly, her eyes still locked on mine. She didn't say anything, and I had no idea what she was thinking. My arms tightened around her instinctively, to keep her there.

A small smile crossed her lips, and her arms snaked around my neck, pulling me to her. My body sagged in relief. Just before our lips touched, I had to confess. "You scared me. I thought you were going to run."

I felt her smile broaden as her lips grazed mine. "As if I could outrun you."

Both of our heads snapped to a loud wolf-whistle at the entrance of the theater where a uniformed theater attendant was leaning on his lobby broom.

I groaned, and Bella hid her face in my shoulder. "I didn't think we'd get interrupted with Alice… all tied up."

"Did you— just joke about Alice taking her rope bondage class?"

She rocked back on her heels and nodded confidently, despite the deep blush that stained her cheeks.

"Saucy. I like it."

She chuckled, and I took her hand to lead her past the attendant. "You no have to stop for me," he called out in his slightly sleazy, broken English. "I likes to watch."

We made our way out of the theater and back to our cabin, and Bella looked surprised when I stopped at the door to face her. "I had a wonderful evening, Bella."

Bella opened her mouth to say something, but no sound came out. Her eyebrows knit together, creating a cute little wrinkle between them. I gave her my most charming smile. "I'd like to see you again sometime." I knew I was being a little cheeky about this whole date thing, but every time I sort of went over the top about it, her eyes sparkled with amusement, and that was quickly becoming one of my favorite expressions of hers.

She looked down the hall and back to me. That cute wrinkle became more pronounced as she tilted her head. "What are you doing?"

"This is a real date. I'm being a gentleman and seeing you to your door." I winked.

Her smile lit up her entire face. She took a half a step closer. Her voice was nearly a whisper. "Real date. Right. So am I going to get a good night kiss?" I felt weak in the knees as she looked up at me through her lashes.

Her eyes swept from my lips to my eyes and back. I moistened my bottom lip before I took half a step nearer to her and lowly admitted, "I didn't want to make any assumptions, but I was hoping."

"Do you think I'm the kind of girl who kisses on the first date?"

I dipped my head toward her ear, brushing her arm with the back of my finger. "If you think about it, this isn't our first date."

"It's not?" she whispered.

"Nope, there was that time you took my breath away at Rusty's."

"Oh."

The back of my finger slid up her arm to caress the bare skin of her collarbone. "And our library rendezvous."

"Hmmm." Bella leaned into my hand as I grazed the column of her neck. She caught on to my plan and added, "Remember the romantic walk on the beach in Coco Cay."

"Yeah, but I'm surprised you do." I winked and leaned a little closer, stroking her cheek. "But I'll never forget that dance at the pajama party."

"Wow, that's like five or six dates. I guess I really am a good girl."

"Maybe I don't want you to be good," I murmured against her lips.

"No?" she asked breathlessly.

"No." A smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. I shook my head.

"Good," she whispered, so close that I felt the tip of her tongue as she moistened her bottom lip. "I'm tired of being good."

She took my bottom lip into hers, tentatively at first, but quickly becoming more fervid as she flung her arms around my neck, pulling me down to her and pressing herself more into my body at the same time.

Any control I had snapped. I picked her up by her waist; her legs wrapped around my hips as her back slammed into the door. In that moment, it wouldn't have mattered if Alice and Bob and Joham and the guy in the theater were all watching because I needed more of her. I groaned into her mouth as her fingers twisted and tugged at my hair, urging me to press into her harder and harder until we were fused together.

Her soft moans reminded me of the sounds she made while she was lying on the massage table and I couldn't touch her. I wanted to touch more of her, feel more of her. My hands stroked the smooth skin of her thighs, bunching the hem of her dress.

I felt Bella's heart racing against my chest as she broke the kiss, panting into my mouth as my fingers wrapped around the inside of her thighs, grazing the soft material there. Her head thumped against the door, giving my lips access to her neck.

"Oh god, Edward," she said breathlessly. "Open…open the door. Please."

As soon as we were through the door, Bella was back in my arms. She reached back behind herself awkwardly, before sighing into a kiss and giving up. Against my lips she asked, "Can you unzip me?"

My lips brushed hers as I nodded and snaked my arms around her torso to pull at the tiny tab of her zipper while walking her backward until the backs of her legs hit the bed.

My knee pressed into the bed at Bella's hip, but she pushed back against my chest with one hand and wrapped the other around her dress, keeping it in place. "This isn't right."

Part of me wanted to say _fuck no, this is happening_, but the saner part of my brain prevailed. I slid off the bed and stood upright in front of her, waiting for an explanation.

"It's not fair." She looked at her lap, biting back a smirk as she played with the hem resting against her thighs. "You have all those clothes on, and I just have this."

Relief washed through me. She wanted to tease me. Challenge accepted. In my lowest, most seductive voice, I reminded her, "I know you're wearing panties, because they were the only thing between these," I said, wiggling my fingers, "and your pretty little pussy in the hall."

Her mouth fell open into the cutest little gasp, but the excitement in her wide eyes belied any offense. "Still, you have on your shirt, pants, belt, socks, shoes. I just have this dress and the aforementioned panties that saved my virtue out there," she said, pointing at the door.

"Easily fixed," I said, toeing off my shoes and socks. Her eyes nervously flitted around my body before locking with mine. I took off my watch and raised an eyebrow. "Better?"

She blushed and dropped her eyes back to her lap. I reached for my belt, but she still sat on the edge of the bed, holding her dress to her chest, completely focused on its hem, the bedspread, or anything else but me.

"It's okay to watch, you know. That's kind of how this whole strip-tease thing works."

Her eyes shot back to mine. "Strip-tease?" She reddened even more and dropped her chin back down, but her eyes stayed on mine, watching me through her lashes.

Her eyes followed my hands to my waist. I pulled the tab of my belt against the buckle especially slow, exaggerating the action, before releasing it to hang at my hips. Her breathing quickened, exciting me even more. I unbuttoned my shirt in a flash, discarding it on the floor at my feet. "Now?"

She shrugged again, but this time with a coy smile. I wasn't sure if it was an act or her inexperience, but either way I couldn't help but tease her. So I slipped my hand in my pocket, and pulled out a condom. "Here, why don't you hold this," I said, winking.

Bella broke our gaze to look down at the foil packet in her lap.

"You're missing the show, Bella," I said as I unzipped my pants and lowered them with my boxers. Her eyes snapped up just in time to see me stand in all my naked glory.

Bella's mouth fell open as she ogled me.

"Your turn." I closed the distance between us, pressing one knee into the bed beside her.

She leaned away from me, bracing herself with one arm behind her, the other still clutching her dress. Her knee bent, grazing my hip, she set her heel on the bed to lift her ass and scoot further up the mattress. Thinking quickly, I grabbed the hem of her little blue dress, pulling it away as she slipped out of the loose fabric and landed in the middle of the bed in nothing but those damn panties.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Yep," I said as I crawled over her almost bare body. If it were physically possible for me to get any harder, seeing her laid out under me would have done it. "You're so fucking beautiful."

She smiled sweetly as her hands blazed a path up my arms to my shoulders and back. I swept my hand down her neck, across her shoulder, following the soft curve of her side to her hip. I tugged at the little scrap of material there, and she dropped one of her hands to pull down the other side as she lifted her hips and wiggled out of her panties.

I moved between her legs, pushing them open with my knee against her thigh. Every pass of our heated tongues took more of our breath. I lowered more of my weight onto her body as Bella's hands found their way back to the fine hairs at the nape of my neck.

I traced the soft curve of her breast to her side and over her hip, trailing my fingers behind her knee. Her moan deepened as I lifted her leg over my hip. Bella writhed under my hand as it smoothed a circuit from the back of her knee to her ass and back.

My lips dropped to her neck, gently sucking as my cock found a rhythm, sliding against her.

Bella's panting was broken by her soft moans. "Oh god, Edward...please tell me you're already wearing the condom."

_Shit_. I shot up on my heels, frantically patting the bed. "Condom…condom…where's the fucking condom?"

Bella giggled. I shot her a dirty look, but the sight of her, naked, propped up on her elbows with her legs spread on either side of mine snapped me out of my irritation. I spied the packet near her ankle and reached for it, tearing it open as I returned to my haunches. I wanted to stare into Bella's eyes, to see the desire pooling in them as I slowly rolled the barrier over my length; but Bella wasn't looking into my eyes. Her gaze was trained my cock.

"You like that?" I stroked myself more than necessary. She bit her lip as her blush returned, but she didn't look away. "Do you want the honors? I love the feel of your sweet little hands on my dick."

She shook her head, and I made a show of squeezing, pinching and rolling it down my shaft.

"Edward," she pled, in a low, raspy tone, "stop torturing me…please."

Her soft, throaty "please" almost killed me. I'd give her anything she asked for like that, but this I needed as much as she did. I pulled her leg back over my hip, lined myself up and pressed against her center. "As you wish."

"Westley!" Bella's gasp dissolved into a long moan as I slid into her for the first time.

"Who. The. Fuck. Is. Westley?" I punctuated each word with a thrust.

Her hands raked down my sides and back up in the same rhythm, as she arched into me. "From _The Princess_…oh god…never mind."

"Never mind? Never mind?" I asked with mock irritation. "You call me by some pirate's name, and you say never mind?"

"Pirate?" Her eyes widened, then her expression lightened and she laughed fully. Her hands went to my hair, tugging me to her lips, so close that they brushed mine as she whispered, "You're a dick," and crashed her mouth to mine.

"But you like my dick." She nodded emphatically, and brought her other leg over my hip, locking them behind me. I groaned at the feel of her heels pressing against me. I dropped more of my weight onto her, bracing myself on my forearms under her shoulders.

I brushed my thumbs against her cheekbones, holding her sweet face. "Bella, are you close?" I breathed into her mouth. "Please say you're close."

I pushed into her harder and faster, urging her to come with me, but the more I tried to give her hers, the harder it was to stave off mine. "Come with me, Bella?"

She squeezed her eyes closed in concentration, giving up and slightly shaking her head. She kissed my throat and my jaw, bringing her lips to the shell of my ear. "You feel so good inside me." She gently bit on my earlobe and tightened her grip on my hair.

I groaned in defeat, stilling as I released. I pulled out of her, rolling to my side and brought my hand to cup her cheek as I kissed her tenderly and came down from my orgasm. "I'm sorry."

She brushed my hair out of my eyes. "It was amazing."

"But you didn't come." She shifted to lie on her back beside me, with her head resting on my bicep. I reached out to draw lazy circles around the outside of her breast to her hip.

Her fingers traced the ridge of my eyebrow, circling around my ear. "Some women just can't. It wasn't you. I've never during." She lowered her eyes, as if she were swallowing her shame and repeated, "It wasn't you."

I leaned over her, fondling her breast, and dragged my hand down her body. "It's not too late," I said, flicking her folds with the back of my finger.

Bella gasped, her hand flying to my wrist. "You don't have to, Edward. I always just do it later. It's okay."

"But I want to see it." I tilted her chin to look into her eyes.

She jumped when I played with her entrance with the tips of my fingers. "It's still sensitive," she explained.

"Good." I kissed her, sucking her tongue roughly as my fingers plunged into her. She moaned against my mouth, hissing as my thumb found her clit.

Her hand slid over my shoulder to my forearm and back, her writhing setting the pace for my ministrations. Her muffled whimpers became more erratic, and I broke the kiss to rest my forehead on hers.

"I should have lasted longer."

"Edward…"

"I even took care of myself in the shower earlier."

"You? In the shower? You…"

"Every fucking time since we boarded this boat."

The circuit she rubbed on my arm became shorter and more frantic. "You take a lot of showers."

I nodded against her forehead. "Because you make me so fucking hard all the time."

Her breathing hitched into a low keening.

"I wanted to fuck you over the table at Rusty's."

"Oh god…" Her hand flexed against my shoulder, gently tapping as she started to lose control.

I curled my fingers, searching for the spot that would tip her over the edge. "And on the island."

Her legs began to quiver.

"And every fucking time you throw your leg over that damn body pillow, I want to turn you over and fuck you into next week."

"Eh…oh god..." her words were lost in a primal scream. She pushed my hand away from her pussy with so much force, I lost my balance and was falling to the floor.

Before I could realize what happened, she scrambled across the bed and over the edge, straddling me on the floor and peppering my face and neck with kisses between rambling.

"Oh my God, Edward. Are you okay? I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

I stroked her thighs. "I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry." Holding my face, she alternated between kissing my cheeks and lips.

"I'm fine." I chuckled, sitting up. "How are you?"

"Edward, that was...it was amazing. Thank you...No one has ever given me one before...they've all been self-service." She looked away from me, avoiding eye contact.

I pulled her chin to face me. "Not anymore."

She smiled brilliantly. "Yeah. Not anymore."

* * *

**_Did I say heartfail hanky? I was just teasing. There is no heartfail on The Love Boat. Ever. :)_**

_Thank you so much for staying with me. If you need my excuses, PM me here, or DM me on Twitter, or message me on FB, or ping me on Skype. I'll be happy to over-share and whine. _

_Also, Edward's wish to lock Alice in Bella's trunk came courtesy of a lilsunnysaunt from chapter 13. It was so perfect; I just had to use it. ;) _


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